1. Thunder Slash and the Ozone Perps
2. Air Wuss
3. Locker Boy and the Fabs
4. The Non Threatening Hairless Chests
5. Wang Fat Ho
6. Sitting in a Puddle
7. My Mind is a Muddle
8. My Wholey Wetness
9. Life Sucks in Teen World
10. Little Wussy and the Wang Dang Doodles
11. Wussy Patrol
12. Bend Over and Light My Fire
13. Air Jell and the Band of Wussyettes
14. My Crew Do
15. The Mudness of It All
16. Are We There Yet?
17. This Sucks I Wanna Go Home
18. I'm Hungry...for You!
19. I'm Gonna Tell Mom
20. Little Becky and Her Mommy Belly
"Teen Masturbation" Wall Posters of your favorite non-threatening hairless chested teen boy Rockstars available from CMS, Inc.,("Conglomerated Music Shit"), and Barf Records, both located in New Puke City, New Puke, or Lost Asselles, in Newbarfonia for 21.95 each. Shipping and "handling" is free! Stone washed or pre- stained extra.
CMS is an Unholy owned subsidiary of Universal Radio Stream, which is a totally owned assfilliate of Universal Radio International Network Atmosphere Languages, other wise known as "U.R.I.N.A.L.", which is completely and Satanic-ly owned by Universal Radio International Network Earth, or, "U.R.I.N.E.-One".
The President of URINE-One is Freddy Barfman, whose personal motto is, "My Word is Not my Honor". Rhoda Picklesteam is the Head of the Magical Accounting Department, the Financial Cook Books Section, and the Tax Evasion Division. "Legal work" is performed by Barfsteam, Bezzler, and Fockhimreemler.
URINE-One proudly stands behind it's work! With the precise handling possible by "Digital" Aiming, our Data Stream is always Crystal Clear in your eyes, and never Cloudy!
And by using "Positive Interlock Satellite Systems", or, "P.I.S.S.", we will be sure to get our URINE-One P.I.S.S. Data Stream directly into your Home, and to your Family!
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Songwriter Lyrics: "Poimlets from Heaven"
1. "The song lyrics were so vague and nebulous, I knew immediately what they meant!" -Jan
2. "I had no idea what the words were trying to say, so that convinced me how intuitively precise they were!" -Bill, or Steve, either one...
3. "The lyrics were so powerfully awesome in their awesomeness, that it couldn't possibly have been any less awesome!" -Wendy
4. "I found true meaning in the trueness of their truth! It couldn't of been any more truer than it already was, to me!" -Shamwocka
5. "Song lyrics are so incredible, you can become really lost in their incredibleness!" -Skye
6. "The brilliousity of the rhyming is the thing of it, you know whut I'm sayin'? Don't you agree? Can't you see? Are you with me? Whut, do I look like a tree? I ain't no Bumble bee! I have a Bentley! Set me free! You creepy dee! Can I a Rapper be? Oh shit, I gotta go Pee! Freaky Z!" -BK Wrapper
7. "Rhyming ability is truly a Gift from God, and shows Geniousnicity of the highest Mental disorder! Like, sorta like, that Einstein Guy! You know whut I'm sayin'?" -Pie Nellas
8. "Gosh! Song lyrics, and rappiters, are just like Renaissance "Poimlets"! Just like that English Shake-Spear-Mint gum guy! With different flavors, like grape, cherry, and minty stuff!" -Weazzel
9. "Poimetry and poimlets are Litterature at the Tops Level! If you knows this stuff, you are a very litter-ated poyson! Yo talent be finelated and x-squish-it!" -Bo Nanna
10. "If you gotta axe me whut it means, I can't x-plain it! Am I clearible?" -Bo Jango
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved. You no whut I'm sayin'? Don't make me x-plainitate it four yu!!
2. "I had no idea what the words were trying to say, so that convinced me how intuitively precise they were!" -Bill, or Steve, either one...
3. "The lyrics were so powerfully awesome in their awesomeness, that it couldn't possibly have been any less awesome!" -Wendy
4. "I found true meaning in the trueness of their truth! It couldn't of been any more truer than it already was, to me!" -Shamwocka
5. "Song lyrics are so incredible, you can become really lost in their incredibleness!" -Skye
6. "The brilliousity of the rhyming is the thing of it, you know whut I'm sayin'? Don't you agree? Can't you see? Are you with me? Whut, do I look like a tree? I ain't no Bumble bee! I have a Bentley! Set me free! You creepy dee! Can I a Rapper be? Oh shit, I gotta go Pee! Freaky Z!" -BK Wrapper
7. "Rhyming ability is truly a Gift from God, and shows Geniousnicity of the highest Mental disorder! Like, sorta like, that Einstein Guy! You know whut I'm sayin'?" -Pie Nellas
8. "Gosh! Song lyrics, and rappiters, are just like Renaissance "Poimlets"! Just like that English Shake-Spear-Mint gum guy! With different flavors, like grape, cherry, and minty stuff!" -Weazzel
9. "Poimetry and poimlets are Litterature at the Tops Level! If you knows this stuff, you are a very litter-ated poyson! Yo talent be finelated and x-squish-it!" -Bo Nanna
10. "If you gotta axe me whut it means, I can't x-plain it! Am I clearible?" -Bo Jango
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved. You no whut I'm sayin'? Don't make me x-plainitate it four yu!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Top 62 Middle Age Rock Band Names. For Rock Bands Age 50 and Over.
1. Al Zeimer and the Forgotten
2. Dementia
3. Shaky and the Parkinson Brothers
4. Flossy and the Dentures (1955 to 1965)
5. Denture Cream (psychedelic blues, 1967 to 1969)
6. Tethered to the Bed (very hip, very 2000ish, slightly Goth and a touch S&M)
7. The Power Scooters
8. Grateful Dead (real band)
9. Don Diaper and the Incontinents
10. Bedpan Turn Her Over Drive (Bachman Turner Overdrive...you idiot!)
11. Tom Ready and the Heart Attacks
12. Jack Cataract and the Blind Poets of the Beat Generation
13. The Liver Spots (cousins to the Ink Spots)
14. Jethro Skull (his Aqua-Lung finally stopped working)
15. Ping Pong Wizard and the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind Boys (Who??)
16. Creamatorium and Wheels of Fire
17. The Jesus Hendrix Last Experience
18. CSNY (Christ, Solomon, Nostredomus, and Yahweh)
19. AC-DC and the Defibrillators
20. Ear Aid and the Deaf Tones
21. Oh Dem Brittle Bones (Gospel)
22. Slipped Disc (heavy metal)
23. Rock Hard and the Constipators
24. The Electric Enema Energy Band
25. "Oats" Bran and the Bowel Mountain Boys (Blue grass, jug band)
26. Judy Prune and the Stool Softeners (accoustic folky stuff)
27. The Rolling Tombstones
28. The Electric White Light Orchestra
29. U80 with No Bone (Irish band)
30. Fleetwood Cadillac Hearse and the Big Mac Attack, with Stevie Sick
31. Huey Lose and the Bad News
32. Page Last and the Obituaries
33. The Commode Dears (80s r&b band)
34. Zipperhead and the Body Bags
35. Boy Grim and the Coffin Club (think England, the 80s, George, and a great makeup job)
36. Walker Cane and Steady as She Goes
37. Electric Wheelchair
38. The Van Ramps (a handicapped band)
39. Sippy Cup and the Spoon Feeders
40. The Pureed Beats
41. Hoser and the Support Socks (Canadian band)
42. Bought the Farm (country)
43. Bucket Kickers (country)
44. Stair Way to Heaven singing their big hit "Burning Down the Hindenburg", with the flip side, "Oh, the Humanity!"
45. Escalator to Heaven(kinda like when Jefferson Airplane became Jefferson Starship)
46. The Unexpected Demise
47. Morphine Drip and the Flatliners
48. Death Mask and the Last Gasp (metal)
49. Every Last Breath You Take (Ouch! That "Stings"!)
50. Bedside Confession (too hip for words)
51. Last Words, Last Wishes, last Kisses (nursing home girl group with breakup songs)
52. Ambulance Chasers
53. Chesty Paddle and the Electric Shockers
54. ER and the EMTs
55. Life Support
56. The Tubes
57. I.V. and the Floral Arrangement (Ivy...flowers...get it?)
58. The Blinding White Light at the End of the Tunnel
59. The 80 Degrees (singing their big hit, "Hot Time in the Old Room Tonite!")
60. Store Bought Teeth (very hip)
61. Confusion
62. And the Top Prize goes to DJ Girl Farber at 88.5 FM, Tampa, Florida, for "The Raging Catheters", the band name that inpired this piece. Love you sweety, Big Kiss, smoochee-woochee!
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
2. Dementia
3. Shaky and the Parkinson Brothers
4. Flossy and the Dentures (1955 to 1965)
5. Denture Cream (psychedelic blues, 1967 to 1969)
6. Tethered to the Bed (very hip, very 2000ish, slightly Goth and a touch S&M)
7. The Power Scooters
8. Grateful Dead (real band)
9. Don Diaper and the Incontinents
10. Bedpan Turn Her Over Drive (Bachman Turner Overdrive...you idiot!)
11. Tom Ready and the Heart Attacks
12. Jack Cataract and the Blind Poets of the Beat Generation
13. The Liver Spots (cousins to the Ink Spots)
14. Jethro Skull (his Aqua-Lung finally stopped working)
15. Ping Pong Wizard and the Deaf, Dumb, and Blind Boys (Who??)
16. Creamatorium and Wheels of Fire
17. The Jesus Hendrix Last Experience
18. CSNY (Christ, Solomon, Nostredomus, and Yahweh)
19. AC-DC and the Defibrillators
20. Ear Aid and the Deaf Tones
21. Oh Dem Brittle Bones (Gospel)
22. Slipped Disc (heavy metal)
23. Rock Hard and the Constipators
24. The Electric Enema Energy Band
25. "Oats" Bran and the Bowel Mountain Boys (Blue grass, jug band)
26. Judy Prune and the Stool Softeners (accoustic folky stuff)
27. The Rolling Tombstones
28. The Electric White Light Orchestra
29. U80 with No Bone (Irish band)
30. Fleetwood Cadillac Hearse and the Big Mac Attack, with Stevie Sick
31. Huey Lose and the Bad News
32. Page Last and the Obituaries
33. The Commode Dears (80s r&b band)
34. Zipperhead and the Body Bags
35. Boy Grim and the Coffin Club (think England, the 80s, George, and a great makeup job)
36. Walker Cane and Steady as She Goes
37. Electric Wheelchair
38. The Van Ramps (a handicapped band)
39. Sippy Cup and the Spoon Feeders
40. The Pureed Beats
41. Hoser and the Support Socks (Canadian band)
42. Bought the Farm (country)
43. Bucket Kickers (country)
44. Stair Way to Heaven singing their big hit "Burning Down the Hindenburg", with the flip side, "Oh, the Humanity!"
45. Escalator to Heaven(kinda like when Jefferson Airplane became Jefferson Starship)
46. The Unexpected Demise
47. Morphine Drip and the Flatliners
48. Death Mask and the Last Gasp (metal)
49. Every Last Breath You Take (Ouch! That "Stings"!)
50. Bedside Confession (too hip for words)
51. Last Words, Last Wishes, last Kisses (nursing home girl group with breakup songs)
52. Ambulance Chasers
53. Chesty Paddle and the Electric Shockers
54. ER and the EMTs
55. Life Support
56. The Tubes
57. I.V. and the Floral Arrangement (Ivy...flowers...get it?)
58. The Blinding White Light at the End of the Tunnel
59. The 80 Degrees (singing their big hit, "Hot Time in the Old Room Tonite!")
60. Store Bought Teeth (very hip)
61. Confusion
62. And the Top Prize goes to DJ Girl Farber at 88.5 FM, Tampa, Florida, for "The Raging Catheters", the band name that inpired this piece. Love you sweety, Big Kiss, smoochee-woochee!
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
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