Top 87 New Black Names

See if you can guess which names are male, or female. Male names are usually two syllables, while female names are three. If you don't know what a syllable is, you could be black. Just kidding! Nothing genetic implied here, it could just mean you were oppressed by da "White Man", or Poverty, suffered from a Broken Family, and simply refused to learn the meaning of the word syllable, as you went about "Acting Out" and creating a "Culture of Opposition" to the White Man's Culture.

I mean, if studying hard and getting good grades means "Acting White" (a Bad Thing), isn't it Better to "Act Stupid" in order to reinforce "Black Cultural Values"? I think this comes under the category of "I'll show you, Whitey, watch me while I cut off my nose to spite my face".

1. Velveeta
2. Aqua-netta (true, walmart employee)
3. Aqua-velva
4. Aqua-vulva
5. VO-5
6. Walmarta
7. Aleve
8. Motrin
9. Motrinetta
10. Motrina
11. Toyletta, or Toiletta
12. Tydeebol
13. Hot Pockets
14. Concentrated
15. Lexus
16. Esuvee,or SUV
17. Bentley
18. Chrysler 300
19. Land Rover
20. Futon
21. Nike
22. Afro-sizzle
23. 2XL
24. Largina
25. Right Guard
26. Blu Toof
27. Latoofalina
28. Latoofa
29. Latoofaleesha
30. Whazzup
31. Quiche
32. Keesha
33. Quiche Lorraine
34. Fryz
35. Mofryz
36. Fryswidat
37. Bling
38. Blingtoofa
39. Fryswideesha
40. Aqua-cola
41. Thunderpop
42. Aqua-bling
43. Jolt
44. Pennzoil
45. Febreeze-sha
46. Sevenup
47. Air-fresheena
48. Pennzolina
49. KY
50. Lubrikaysha
51. Napeesha
52. Naprell
53. Viagra
54. Kaopectate
55. Camry
56. Toyota
57. Rogaine
58. Aqua-fresh
59. Elantra
60. Rolex
61. Accutaine
62. Acura
63. Hyundai
64. Exxon
65. Propecia
66. Quinterence (true, local tv news story)
67. Quanterious (also true, local tv news story. It has a nice Roman ring to it, as in, "Emperor Quanterious, we must find Cleopatra, and conquer Egypt!)
68. Ke-kwan-ah (true, walmart employee, rhymes with iguana)
69. Propane
70. Polyvinyl
72. Nylon
73. Titanium
74. I-ron (Man)
75. Di-oxide
76. Lycra
77. Spandex
78. Internetta
79. Prozac (also works as a sports steroid)
80. Mojo-hammad (the 72 Virgin Thing)
81. Kay-eff-see (KFC)
82. Absorbine Junior
83. Panasonic
84. Sputnik
85. Bigmacmoud
86. Hojolina
87. B K Wrapper


If you're not sure a "new black name" sounds authentic, test it out in a sentence. For example: "Revlon, get your black ass in here dis minute!" Or, "Chinet, don't you diss me! I'm your Mutha!" Or, "Vagina! Wutch you mean, it ain't my baby?!"

Faint Bernard
Copyright 2008, by Bernard Drums!. All rights reserved, including the right to be racially intimidated, and to be, as Barack Obama says, "a typical white person". First in a series of "Clever Ebonics", and "I Be Speakin' Good American, as Best as dee White Man Done Teachify Me". How can there be "no typical black person", if there is a "typical white person"? Oh, and by the way, I am voting for Barack. If you don't believe me, you can come into the voting booth with me and pull my lever...if you're a girl(legal age 18 or over)!