Pig Rocket!
“Ham-Ass”, the anti-Israel terrorist group, that wants to wipe Israel off the face of the Earth, announced today that it is going to use a weapon that the Jewish People fear the most. Pork Products!
The terrorist group will fire rockets into Israel that contain chunks of “Ham Ass”, or, what is commonly known as Pork Butt. Upscale neighborhoods will receive thin slices of tender “Ham Steak”. Lower-class neighborhoods will receive cans of Spam, delicious scrapple, freeze dried salad seasoning bacon bits, or most insulting, kibble and bits.
Ham-Ass said it was even considering packing rockets with raw bacon and hot bacon grease, setting it on fire on impact, and creating a new version of Napalm called JewBalm.
“His-Bull-Ah”, the other anti-Israeli terrorist group, that specializes in your average, standard everyday Arab Bullshit Conspiracy Theories, said today, ”Wow! Ham-Ass has really taken this up a notch in their ongoing Hatred of Jews! We are going to have to come up with a really good Conspiracy Theory to top this!”
The Israelis, fearing the Wurst, immediately announced a Counter Measure, a Wall of Giant Teflon Frying Pans, that will deflect, cook, and purify the Ham-Ass Rockets. The pans will be made in China, under the brand name, “Koshu Kosher Fry, by Milton FarberWar Wear”.
Reactions From Allah, God, and Whatever God Them Jew People Believe In.
God, Allah, and Yahweh, rolled their eyes, and all three said in unison, “When are THESE PEOPLE, going to live in Peace?”
The Three Gods, collectively known as “Godallahway”, or the Three Cosmic Stooges, pulled their Fuzzy Nebula Blankets across their Black Hole Beds, said “Wake me in a million years”, and all three promptly went to sleep. All three forgot to set the Super Nova Alarm Clock, known as the Big Morning Banger.
“Hey Mo, Larry, and Shemp!” (Slap! Bonk! Poink!) “Now Get to SLEEP!” (Snnnore! Whizzzzz! Weee, weee, weee!)
God’s Mom, called Mom-id, Mammah, or simply, “Mammy Hammy Yammy”, said grumpily to her Three Little God Children, “Well, maybe this will teach you to Think a little more, before you go around CHOOSING chosen people, left and right, and willy nilly!”
“If there’s not enough candy, gum, or Gods, for everyone to Share, then people don’t like it if only one person is Chosen, and has all the gum or Gods for themselves!”
“The Lesson is, if you’re not gonna bring enough gum, or Gods, for everyone to have a peaceful piece, then don’t bring any Gods at all! Becuz then everything gets all gummed up.”
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Lord of the Gum.
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including my right to chew gum, if I’m a Chosen One! Nana-nana, na-na! No Gum for you! You aren’t chewed, or chosen! Chew on that! Wally wally wally, you’re just a Dumb Gum Tree!
* * *
My God is better than Your God! AND my dick is bigger than your Dick will ever be, you dickless WRONG Religion Person YOU! You are a BAD Stinky! Bad Stinky Person! You’re just a Stinky Dick! With wobbly bouncy balls. Go away, stinky dick!
Wash your Weiny, and pick the right God!
* * *
Fire the Giant Penis Rocket! We’ll show those Bastards! Light the Giant Ball Cannon!
* * *
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Friday, June 11, 2010
Zealot Zandi's Zany Argument for Bank Monopoly, Zig Zags From Hot Air to Zebra Shit, Zaps Logic, and Reaches a Zenith of Burnt Zeppelin!
Back To the Drawing Boards, Bank Boy! Don’t These Guys Ever Learn? This Zany Dude, Just Busted My Decent Mood.
Another “Moody” EconoMist, Floating On the Theoretical Wind. He Must Have Gone To a Right Wing B-School, With Real Robot Number Crunchers for Students. Where A + B = Life, and Marriage Is a Merger and Acquisition.
Life Is a Number, To a B-Schooler Corporate Jockster Team Player. What Else Could It Be? It’s Already Been Proven With Precise GeoMetric Logic, Exactly Where the Key To the Strawberry, Ice Cream, Life Locker Is!
What Is Life To a Corporate Zombie, But a Bunch of Precisely Measured Steel Balls, To Be Rolled Constantly, In Your Jock Off Hand?
* * *
Zandi’s argument (on PBS Nightly Business Report, May 10, 2010) to allow Monopoly to Exist in the Banking Industry, is total Bullshit. This Philly dude from Moodys, just dropped a Big Notch in the Brain Department. He is Not as Smart, as he thinks he is.
You are either for Monopoly, or you are against it.
Choose sides, and then fight.
There is no easy middle ground.
You can Choose a fine Blend of Oligopoly melded into Monopoly, similar to the “Vulcan Mind Meld”.
Or you can choose fair and regulated Competition.
I choose fair and regulated competition, the closest to a free “FREEDOM” Market.
Zandi, and the Rich Conservatives, obviously don’t give a shit about a Competitive Free Market. By supporting Monopoly, they show their True Traitorous Colors to a Compeitive Free Market, and make us see that they really just stand for “fucking the regular People”, and fucking America.
In other words, who gives a shit about a “free market America”, when an Easy Monopoly “Buck Fuck”, beckons.
So much for America.
So much for “real” Competition, so often bally-hooed by Conservatives. But the Conservative’s money isn’t where their mouth is. They don’t walk the talk. They do everything they can to preserve (“conserve”) unfair, one sided, Monopoly Power, and to let Corporations avoid Competing in the Marketplace.
The Bottom Line? There is No Competition, under Monopoly.
Got it?
Now Memorize it!
Cain and Jezebel: Never Forget, the Hallowed Cost!
Economic Injustice, is a Dictator.
Unfair Market Behavior, is a Dictator.
Untamed, unbridled Corporate Power, is an Unjust Dictator.
Monopolies are Dictators.
Don’t forget this!
Injustice anywhere, is injustice to us all. (M L King.)
Hitler, Stalin, and Communism, were Monopolies, and Cruel, brutal Dictators!
Don’t you EVER, forget that.
Tattoo that one, on your arm, and don’t try to “shower” it off. Get my Drift, you European, Americanized White Boy?
The Jewish, Protestant, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim and Atheist Financiers of Wall Street, academia and government (There, am I being balanced and Fair?) have apparently forgotten this simple, plain, and shrewd Orthodox Economic Knowledge, of how Unfair Economic Power and Monopoly creates Injustice, and damages Competition, Freedom, and Consumers. (That’s YOU, consumer white boy!)
How quickly the Oppressed, especially the Eastern European religious minorities, who came to these shores for freedom and to Escape Oppression, how quickly they FORGET their Oppression.
THEY didn’t think CORRUPTION, and GREED, could EVER come to THEM! No way! Not THEM! They were Too PURE!
The New “Upper Corporate Class”, Takes World Wide Control.
But the new Upper Corporate Class has “already Forgotten” it’s Humble Roots. Forgotten about the jack booted Dangers of Unfair Economic Power, Untamed Worldwide Corporate Power, and the Dictator like Properties of Monopoly.
This new “Corporate Business Class” of the 20th and 21st Centuries, has climbed up out of the lower and middle classes, by taking advantage of Big Government Policies that promoted Fairness, Educational Opportunities, Justice, Social Stability and Economic Mobility.
This new Corporate Business Class, vaulted its way to the top, using Big Government Social Policies as it’s Springboard, policies that created a fair playing field for people from lower backgrounds to get ahead. But they have now set about destroying the very social classes, and programs, they came from, in an effort to cement, solidify, and increase their Corporate Power.
They have already forgotten the Bad Old Past, in their “Master Race” to find the Most Efficient “Final Numbers Solution”, to their Maximum Prophet’s “Screwish the Consumer Question”.
In their Mad Rush to acquire Maximum Profit, they step all over their Big Swinging, Sonder Commando, Wall Street Corporate Dicks, as they try to Achieve the Final Financial Fuck, the “Final Extermination”, of those pesky, always underfoot, depressingly Blueish, and Foolish Financial Rules, that protect Our Nation’s Cash, Gold, Stars, and Jewels.
The American Nation that served as a Haven for the Oppressed Gold Star Jews, is now being stepped on by those who have Acquired a New Set of Financial Rules, and plush new leather, diamond encrusted Shoes. How Quickly so many who have vaulted to positions of Power, forget their Humble Origins.
Welcome to the Circus!
Step right up, into the Cash Chambers, my Citizen Friends!
Lose your shirts, shoes, and Shorts! And your Futures, Options, and Puts! Ya Financial Putz!
The Shower of Money, will begin shortly, for all you little Fools! Don’t be afraid! This won’t be your Last Vacation, or your Last Resort! (Wink, wink!)
That Smell of Burning Money? It’s just YOURS, old Sport! It’s just a mild, vanilla flavored, Synthetic Derivative, of Zyklon B, said the Wall Street Cantor, singing to the Court! A mild and restful Sedative, that wafts out, of our overhead speaker ports! A mere Vanilla Breeze, that will carry you onward and upward, to a wonderful and fine, Valhalla Savings Retirement!
It “Insures” you will be fully Hedged, Cleansed, Swapped, and Forked! And then, YOU will Lose all your dapper accoutrements, your fine leather Luggage, your Hair, shirt, and shorts, and all your over leveraged, fully extended family, at this wonderful Wall Street Casino and Resort! Gosh, you’re such a Decent, and Fashionable, old chap and sport!
And after your financially Cleansing Shower is over, a Soothing Heat, will be quickly and briskly applied, before you can object or Retort! I can assure you, you won’t feel a thing, my cold, and Blueish Sort!
And all your Aches and Pains, will Float away, into the sky, like ashes on the wind!
For you see, you can Trust Me, for I am “Mr. Zonder”, the Big Fat Financial Wall Street, Sonder Commando!
Your Guide, and Camp Commander, to the wonders of the Wall Street Debt Camp, where we Deliver you at last, to a one stop, Final Financial Solution!
Oh, and by the way, you can leave your disgusting and pathetic shoes, and your luggage, over there!
You won’t be needing them, or your hair, or your ankle supports!
And after the Cooking of the Financial Books is Finished, we’ll extract the Gold in your Teeth, with a pair of Pliers and some Elbow Grease!
And when it is all Over and Done, there will be nothing left to you, but a Burnt, Tidy, and Profitable Sum.
A little pile of ashes, that could only be loved, by a Wall Street Accountant’s Mum!
Welcome to America! Where the Corporate Monopolies, and the Wall Street Finance Blitzkrieg Machine, a Synthetically Derived Casino and a Life and Death "Debt" Camp, has finally Arrived,again, and re-Begun!
Just think, oh Happy Days, we’re going to take Millions, Billions, and Trillions, for the Upper Corporate Class! The Massed Mirth and Misery, has just begun, on a Scale, that will Simply Stun!
HA HA HA! HO HO HO! HEE HEE HEE!
Vellkom! To the Cash Cabaret! VillKomen! To the Master Financial RACE!
How quickly, the once downtrodden, forget their former precarious place!
In their race to become the New Master Financial Race!
It’s Springtime for Hitler, in Currency! All Over Again!
The Monopoly Game, has just BEGUN!
Seig Heil! To my Statistically Risky, and Highly Leveraged, and Lovely High Risk Derivative Filters!
(For those who are “historically challenged, that’s “Seig Heil, and Heil Fitler!”)
The Monopoly Boys, are back in Town!
Say hello to Adolf, Putzi, and Mel, they’re a Swell Bunch, of Wall Street Banker Toffs, Guys and Swells!
[Stage goes completely Dark, and the Curtain falls.]
* * *
Whose Got the Revolution Count? Number 9? RPM: Revolutions Per Minute?
One Man’s “Minute Man” Patriot Freedom Fighter, Is a Rich English King’s Rebel Terrorist!
One Man’s Profit, Is Another Man’s Tyranny and Injustice!
Anybody see a Pattern here? Doesn’t Revolution always seem to start, with ECONOMIC INJUSTICE?
UNTAMED Capitalism?
And OUT of CONTROL Bankers and Businessmen?
Or have I gotten this Basic Principle of HISTORY, all Twisted Up, without my Republican NuLogic Sunglasses on?
Let’s see…
Russian Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Surprise, Surprise!) Economic Injustice! Ya think? Check!
[That’s a Check mark, you Idiot!]
Chinese Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Surprise!) Economic Injustice! Check!
American Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by ( Say Cheese!) Economic Injustice!
Check!
French Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Can you Believe it?) Economic Injustice!
Check!
Vietnamese Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Say it ain’t so!) Economic Injustice!
Check!
American Civil Rights Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Go figure!) Economic Injustice!
Check! (For Blacks, it was a Lack of Full Participation, as Full Citizens, in the Economic and Freedom Fruits of the American Nation!)
Women’s Liberation? Hmmm.. Caused by (NO Way! It was PMS!) Economic Injustice!
Check! (For Women, it was another lack of Full Participation, as Full Citizens! Don’t forget, “Equal Pay, for Equal Work!” How ya like them Sweet little Apples, SPORT?)
American Civil War? Hmmm… Caused by perceived and Real Economic Injustice!
Check! (South will “claim” States Rights, North may say “the Union is Permanent”, but Abolitionists, and Black Folk, will say “Slavery is No Walk in the Park, and No way to make a living!”, which is to say, kids, let me hear you, loud and clear now, ECONOMIC INJUSTICE! Good Class! You get a star on your Injustice Awareness Chart by the class door!)
Gay Rights? Hmmm… Fire that FAG! Need I say more? Okay, ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL INJUSTICE!
Check!
Right to Unionize? Hmmm… Hey, no Injustice there! Corporations are More than Generous to Workers! Now, go work for Walmart! Pick them tomatoes, whiteboy! And we just changed your retirement package! Sorry, we never promised you a Rose Garden! Don’t pout, dog food is good for your retirement! Half a pill, is better than none!
Check! (Corporate Abuse of Power over Workers!)
If you haven’t caught on by now, you probably have a severe case of Republican Blindness, Rich Person Callous Insensitivity, Greed, and Conservative Twisted Logic Impairment.
You need to see a doctor immediately! Oops! I’m sorry, we just discontinued your Health Care Plan!
You might want to look for another job, with benefits, if they have benefits!
AND, they may NOT hire you, if you have an expensive Preexisting Health Condition! Why? Cuz your health condition will drive up your new employer’s Group Costs!
I doubt they will hire you, because if there are lots of other healthy job candidates applying for the same job, you will be just too expensive to hire!
Have you considered “Praying to Jesus” as your Health Coverage? I hear that’s real popular in the Socially Conservative, Rural, American South!
That way, if you don’t get well, you can always say, “It was God’s Plan, for me to Die!”
Isn’t that Comforting? Bless Your Little Heart! You’re such a Sweet Person! Jesus Will Provide! One way or another!
Stay Positive! Nobody likes a downer! And remember, when God closes one door, he always opens another! Even if it is, just the Door to your Coffin!
Say Hi to Jesus for me, You Lucky Dog You!
Signed,
Fey’nt Bernard
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights, and memories, reserved.
* * *
Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.
I can’t wait, till the Next Financial Holocaust.
Them finance boys, sure know how to Burn down a place, right to the bare Bones.
Sure does make a mighty fine Face Powder, though!
Wonder what the hell you can use it for…
Looks kinda Worthless, if you ask me…
There might be something you could do with it, maybe.
But what, I sure don’t know. It’s got me Stumped.
How about you?
Maybe you could call it “Unregulated Market Monopoly Mix?” “Horse Glue”, good for gluing people back together? “Magic, Totally Free, Shadow Market Powder?” “Synthetic Market Stuff, Derived from Real Life?”
Hell, I don’t know! I’m just Guessing!
We might figure something out!
Hey, I know! This will probably blend in real good, in a Desert Setting!
Yeah, that’s it! We’ll call it “Death Valley Desert Scenery Mix”! We could maybe sell tons of this shit! I’ll call up my buddies on Wall Street, so they can get crackin on makin more of this Stuff, like Pronto!
Now all we need is a slogan!
How about, “Bring Home a Burnt, Lifeless, Financially Melted Down Desert! It’s Where YOU, Wanna Be! By Ball Street Fertilizer! When the Shit Hits the Mix, YOU Go In the Ditch! That’s Ball Street SHIT MIX! Get Some Today! You’ll Never Be Sorrier!”
* * *
Don’t You Worry About a Thing!
“This guy is exaggerating, isn’t he?”
“I mean, he is exaggerating?”
“There really isn’t anything to worry about, right?”
“I mean, those finance guys Proved they knew what they were doing, didn’t they?”
“Didn’t They?”
“ANSWER ME!”
“DIDN’T THEY?”
“HEY! YOU DIDN’T ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!”
“DID THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING? OR WHAT?”
“THAT’S ALL I’M ASKIN!”
“OR WERE THEY JUST ALL TANGLED UP, AND STEPPING ON THEIR OWN DICKS?”
“THAT’S ALL I WANT TO KNOW!”
“JUST TELL ME THAT!”
“Hey! Mr. New Yawk Times! I’m Axing You a QUESTION, Bub!”
“Do yooos have da Answer, or is yooos just sweepin dis here Info, under da Pro-verbitational Rug?”
“Cuz if yooos don’t have duh answer, den jus Geddoudda here, Okay, Ya Burble Brain!”
* * *
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Another “Moody” EconoMist, Floating On the Theoretical Wind. He Must Have Gone To a Right Wing B-School, With Real Robot Number Crunchers for Students. Where A + B = Life, and Marriage Is a Merger and Acquisition.
Life Is a Number, To a B-Schooler Corporate Jockster Team Player. What Else Could It Be? It’s Already Been Proven With Precise GeoMetric Logic, Exactly Where the Key To the Strawberry, Ice Cream, Life Locker Is!
What Is Life To a Corporate Zombie, But a Bunch of Precisely Measured Steel Balls, To Be Rolled Constantly, In Your Jock Off Hand?
* * *
Zandi’s argument (on PBS Nightly Business Report, May 10, 2010) to allow Monopoly to Exist in the Banking Industry, is total Bullshit. This Philly dude from Moodys, just dropped a Big Notch in the Brain Department. He is Not as Smart, as he thinks he is.
You are either for Monopoly, or you are against it.
Choose sides, and then fight.
There is no easy middle ground.
You can Choose a fine Blend of Oligopoly melded into Monopoly, similar to the “Vulcan Mind Meld”.
Or you can choose fair and regulated Competition.
I choose fair and regulated competition, the closest to a free “FREEDOM” Market.
Zandi, and the Rich Conservatives, obviously don’t give a shit about a Competitive Free Market. By supporting Monopoly, they show their True Traitorous Colors to a Compeitive Free Market, and make us see that they really just stand for “fucking the regular People”, and fucking America.
In other words, who gives a shit about a “free market America”, when an Easy Monopoly “Buck Fuck”, beckons.
So much for America.
So much for “real” Competition, so often bally-hooed by Conservatives. But the Conservative’s money isn’t where their mouth is. They don’t walk the talk. They do everything they can to preserve (“conserve”) unfair, one sided, Monopoly Power, and to let Corporations avoid Competing in the Marketplace.
The Bottom Line? There is No Competition, under Monopoly.
Got it?
Now Memorize it!
Cain and Jezebel: Never Forget, the Hallowed Cost!
Economic Injustice, is a Dictator.
Unfair Market Behavior, is a Dictator.
Untamed, unbridled Corporate Power, is an Unjust Dictator.
Monopolies are Dictators.
Don’t forget this!
Injustice anywhere, is injustice to us all. (M L King.)
Hitler, Stalin, and Communism, were Monopolies, and Cruel, brutal Dictators!
Don’t you EVER, forget that.
Tattoo that one, on your arm, and don’t try to “shower” it off. Get my Drift, you European, Americanized White Boy?
The Jewish, Protestant, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim and Atheist Financiers of Wall Street, academia and government (There, am I being balanced and Fair?) have apparently forgotten this simple, plain, and shrewd Orthodox Economic Knowledge, of how Unfair Economic Power and Monopoly creates Injustice, and damages Competition, Freedom, and Consumers. (That’s YOU, consumer white boy!)
How quickly the Oppressed, especially the Eastern European religious minorities, who came to these shores for freedom and to Escape Oppression, how quickly they FORGET their Oppression.
THEY didn’t think CORRUPTION, and GREED, could EVER come to THEM! No way! Not THEM! They were Too PURE!
The New “Upper Corporate Class”, Takes World Wide Control.
But the new Upper Corporate Class has “already Forgotten” it’s Humble Roots. Forgotten about the jack booted Dangers of Unfair Economic Power, Untamed Worldwide Corporate Power, and the Dictator like Properties of Monopoly.
This new “Corporate Business Class” of the 20th and 21st Centuries, has climbed up out of the lower and middle classes, by taking advantage of Big Government Policies that promoted Fairness, Educational Opportunities, Justice, Social Stability and Economic Mobility.
This new Corporate Business Class, vaulted its way to the top, using Big Government Social Policies as it’s Springboard, policies that created a fair playing field for people from lower backgrounds to get ahead. But they have now set about destroying the very social classes, and programs, they came from, in an effort to cement, solidify, and increase their Corporate Power.
They have already forgotten the Bad Old Past, in their “Master Race” to find the Most Efficient “Final Numbers Solution”, to their Maximum Prophet’s “Screwish the Consumer Question”.
In their Mad Rush to acquire Maximum Profit, they step all over their Big Swinging, Sonder Commando, Wall Street Corporate Dicks, as they try to Achieve the Final Financial Fuck, the “Final Extermination”, of those pesky, always underfoot, depressingly Blueish, and Foolish Financial Rules, that protect Our Nation’s Cash, Gold, Stars, and Jewels.
The American Nation that served as a Haven for the Oppressed Gold Star Jews, is now being stepped on by those who have Acquired a New Set of Financial Rules, and plush new leather, diamond encrusted Shoes. How Quickly so many who have vaulted to positions of Power, forget their Humble Origins.
Welcome to the Circus!
Step right up, into the Cash Chambers, my Citizen Friends!
Lose your shirts, shoes, and Shorts! And your Futures, Options, and Puts! Ya Financial Putz!
The Shower of Money, will begin shortly, for all you little Fools! Don’t be afraid! This won’t be your Last Vacation, or your Last Resort! (Wink, wink!)
That Smell of Burning Money? It’s just YOURS, old Sport! It’s just a mild, vanilla flavored, Synthetic Derivative, of Zyklon B, said the Wall Street Cantor, singing to the Court! A mild and restful Sedative, that wafts out, of our overhead speaker ports! A mere Vanilla Breeze, that will carry you onward and upward, to a wonderful and fine, Valhalla Savings Retirement!
It “Insures” you will be fully Hedged, Cleansed, Swapped, and Forked! And then, YOU will Lose all your dapper accoutrements, your fine leather Luggage, your Hair, shirt, and shorts, and all your over leveraged, fully extended family, at this wonderful Wall Street Casino and Resort! Gosh, you’re such a Decent, and Fashionable, old chap and sport!
And after your financially Cleansing Shower is over, a Soothing Heat, will be quickly and briskly applied, before you can object or Retort! I can assure you, you won’t feel a thing, my cold, and Blueish Sort!
And all your Aches and Pains, will Float away, into the sky, like ashes on the wind!
For you see, you can Trust Me, for I am “Mr. Zonder”, the Big Fat Financial Wall Street, Sonder Commando!
Your Guide, and Camp Commander, to the wonders of the Wall Street Debt Camp, where we Deliver you at last, to a one stop, Final Financial Solution!
Oh, and by the way, you can leave your disgusting and pathetic shoes, and your luggage, over there!
You won’t be needing them, or your hair, or your ankle supports!
And after the Cooking of the Financial Books is Finished, we’ll extract the Gold in your Teeth, with a pair of Pliers and some Elbow Grease!
And when it is all Over and Done, there will be nothing left to you, but a Burnt, Tidy, and Profitable Sum.
A little pile of ashes, that could only be loved, by a Wall Street Accountant’s Mum!
Welcome to America! Where the Corporate Monopolies, and the Wall Street Finance Blitzkrieg Machine, a Synthetically Derived Casino and a Life and Death "Debt" Camp, has finally Arrived,again, and re-Begun!
Just think, oh Happy Days, we’re going to take Millions, Billions, and Trillions, for the Upper Corporate Class! The Massed Mirth and Misery, has just begun, on a Scale, that will Simply Stun!
HA HA HA! HO HO HO! HEE HEE HEE!
Vellkom! To the Cash Cabaret! VillKomen! To the Master Financial RACE!
How quickly, the once downtrodden, forget their former precarious place!
In their race to become the New Master Financial Race!
It’s Springtime for Hitler, in Currency! All Over Again!
The Monopoly Game, has just BEGUN!
Seig Heil! To my Statistically Risky, and Highly Leveraged, and Lovely High Risk Derivative Filters!
(For those who are “historically challenged, that’s “Seig Heil, and Heil Fitler!”)
The Monopoly Boys, are back in Town!
Say hello to Adolf, Putzi, and Mel, they’re a Swell Bunch, of Wall Street Banker Toffs, Guys and Swells!
[Stage goes completely Dark, and the Curtain falls.]
* * *
Whose Got the Revolution Count? Number 9? RPM: Revolutions Per Minute?
One Man’s “Minute Man” Patriot Freedom Fighter, Is a Rich English King’s Rebel Terrorist!
One Man’s Profit, Is Another Man’s Tyranny and Injustice!
Anybody see a Pattern here? Doesn’t Revolution always seem to start, with ECONOMIC INJUSTICE?
UNTAMED Capitalism?
And OUT of CONTROL Bankers and Businessmen?
Or have I gotten this Basic Principle of HISTORY, all Twisted Up, without my Republican NuLogic Sunglasses on?
Let’s see…
Russian Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Surprise, Surprise!) Economic Injustice! Ya think? Check!
[That’s a Check mark, you Idiot!]
Chinese Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Surprise!) Economic Injustice! Check!
American Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by ( Say Cheese!) Economic Injustice!
Check!
French Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Can you Believe it?) Economic Injustice!
Check!
Vietnamese Communist Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Say it ain’t so!) Economic Injustice!
Check!
American Civil Rights Revolution? Hmmm… Caused by (Go figure!) Economic Injustice!
Check! (For Blacks, it was a Lack of Full Participation, as Full Citizens, in the Economic and Freedom Fruits of the American Nation!)
Women’s Liberation? Hmmm.. Caused by (NO Way! It was PMS!) Economic Injustice!
Check! (For Women, it was another lack of Full Participation, as Full Citizens! Don’t forget, “Equal Pay, for Equal Work!” How ya like them Sweet little Apples, SPORT?)
American Civil War? Hmmm… Caused by perceived and Real Economic Injustice!
Check! (South will “claim” States Rights, North may say “the Union is Permanent”, but Abolitionists, and Black Folk, will say “Slavery is No Walk in the Park, and No way to make a living!”, which is to say, kids, let me hear you, loud and clear now, ECONOMIC INJUSTICE! Good Class! You get a star on your Injustice Awareness Chart by the class door!)
Gay Rights? Hmmm… Fire that FAG! Need I say more? Okay, ECONOMIC AND SOCIAL INJUSTICE!
Check!
Right to Unionize? Hmmm… Hey, no Injustice there! Corporations are More than Generous to Workers! Now, go work for Walmart! Pick them tomatoes, whiteboy! And we just changed your retirement package! Sorry, we never promised you a Rose Garden! Don’t pout, dog food is good for your retirement! Half a pill, is better than none!
Check! (Corporate Abuse of Power over Workers!)
If you haven’t caught on by now, you probably have a severe case of Republican Blindness, Rich Person Callous Insensitivity, Greed, and Conservative Twisted Logic Impairment.
You need to see a doctor immediately! Oops! I’m sorry, we just discontinued your Health Care Plan!
You might want to look for another job, with benefits, if they have benefits!
AND, they may NOT hire you, if you have an expensive Preexisting Health Condition! Why? Cuz your health condition will drive up your new employer’s Group Costs!
I doubt they will hire you, because if there are lots of other healthy job candidates applying for the same job, you will be just too expensive to hire!
Have you considered “Praying to Jesus” as your Health Coverage? I hear that’s real popular in the Socially Conservative, Rural, American South!
That way, if you don’t get well, you can always say, “It was God’s Plan, for me to Die!”
Isn’t that Comforting? Bless Your Little Heart! You’re such a Sweet Person! Jesus Will Provide! One way or another!
Stay Positive! Nobody likes a downer! And remember, when God closes one door, he always opens another! Even if it is, just the Door to your Coffin!
Say Hi to Jesus for me, You Lucky Dog You!
Signed,
Fey’nt Bernard
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights, and memories, reserved.
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Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.
I can’t wait, till the Next Financial Holocaust.
Them finance boys, sure know how to Burn down a place, right to the bare Bones.
Sure does make a mighty fine Face Powder, though!
Wonder what the hell you can use it for…
Looks kinda Worthless, if you ask me…
There might be something you could do with it, maybe.
But what, I sure don’t know. It’s got me Stumped.
How about you?
Maybe you could call it “Unregulated Market Monopoly Mix?” “Horse Glue”, good for gluing people back together? “Magic, Totally Free, Shadow Market Powder?” “Synthetic Market Stuff, Derived from Real Life?”
Hell, I don’t know! I’m just Guessing!
We might figure something out!
Hey, I know! This will probably blend in real good, in a Desert Setting!
Yeah, that’s it! We’ll call it “Death Valley Desert Scenery Mix”! We could maybe sell tons of this shit! I’ll call up my buddies on Wall Street, so they can get crackin on makin more of this Stuff, like Pronto!
Now all we need is a slogan!
How about, “Bring Home a Burnt, Lifeless, Financially Melted Down Desert! It’s Where YOU, Wanna Be! By Ball Street Fertilizer! When the Shit Hits the Mix, YOU Go In the Ditch! That’s Ball Street SHIT MIX! Get Some Today! You’ll Never Be Sorrier!”
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Don’t You Worry About a Thing!
“This guy is exaggerating, isn’t he?”
“I mean, he is exaggerating?”
“There really isn’t anything to worry about, right?”
“I mean, those finance guys Proved they knew what they were doing, didn’t they?”
“Didn’t They?”
“ANSWER ME!”
“DIDN’T THEY?”
“HEY! YOU DIDN’T ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!”
“DID THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING? OR WHAT?”
“THAT’S ALL I’M ASKIN!”
“OR WERE THEY JUST ALL TANGLED UP, AND STEPPING ON THEIR OWN DICKS?”
“THAT’S ALL I WANT TO KNOW!”
“JUST TELL ME THAT!”
“Hey! Mr. New Yawk Times! I’m Axing You a QUESTION, Bub!”
“Do yooos have da Answer, or is yooos just sweepin dis here Info, under da Pro-verbitational Rug?”
“Cuz if yooos don’t have duh answer, den jus Geddoudda here, Okay, Ya Burble Brain!”
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