Slap ‘er On, Baby! Stick It Right There, On Yer Big Fat, Back Ass Bumper!
Reframe It, Baby! Reframe It! Now Stick It, ALL the WAY IN!
That’s the Ticket! How Do You Like Them GOP Ideas Now, Cornwheat?
And the Top GOP Bumper Stickers... ARE! [Drum Roll, PLEASE!]
Uh-Uhm! (Clear throat.)
1. Blow Up America’s Money!
Fight 2, Count'em, TEN Year Wars!
2. Let America Rot! Rebuild
Iraq and Afghanistan Instead!
3. Redistribute Wealth!
Give EVERYTHING to the RICH!
4. Trust Corporations!
They Screw You Better!
5. Deregulate Bankers!
Let Them Steal All Your Money!
6. Be Glad You Have a Job!
Nobody Else Does!
7. Wall Street Must Be Gay!
They Sure Fucked Your Ass!
8. Wall Street Financial Terrorists
Blow Up U.S. Economy!
8. Economy Hi-Jacked By Terrorists!
All 19 Wall Street Bankers Are MUSLIM!
9. Army Gets PTSD Disorder Order!
“Patrol Till Suicide Destruction”.
10. Bend Over, Louisiana!
Corporations Drill You Better!
11. Muslims and America!
Feel the Love!
12. Muslims LOVE America!
Send Them MORE Money!
13. Muslims and America!
A Partnership Made in Heaven!
14. Muslims and America!
Bursting With Love! KA-BOOM!
14. Muslims and America!
Fatal Attraction: Part II, The Sequel!
15. Unregulated GOP Capitalism: The
“Creative Destruction” of OUR Economy!
16. A Job? Come Out, Wherever
You Are! Marco! Polo!
* * *
Come Back, Little Job Sheba!
If Only Lassie, and our BOYS, Would Come Home!
If Only “Super Tax Cut Man” Would Help Us!
The Financial Tornado Destroyed the Barn, Pa!
What Are We Gonna Do?
Grab a Pitchfork?
Form a Posse?
Hang a Banker?
* * *
The Magic Gumdrop, "FishStick" Solution!
Catching On Yet? Got the Big Picture? Do I have to put a Giant Drill Bit, up your tight Conservative Ass?
What’s “Creative Economic Destruction?” Who’s Schumpeter? I don’t know! Maybe he's shoving some schum, into your little peter? Ouch!
Maybe it’s just an “Inside” peter joke?
Who’s Peter? And who's the chum, or the Chumpfish, for the Big Corporate Sharkfish? Are you my chum? Are you my little Buddy? And why is the Big Wall Street Dickfish shoving his Big Swinging Wall Street FishDick, into the Economy, and trying to Destroy it So "creatively?"
I don’t get this guy! He’s just too Confoozing!
I’m CON FOOZED!
I like the way the GOP makes everything REAL SIMPLE!
Instead of this confoozitated Liberal Shit!
You know, Simple Shit, for Simple People!
A simple piece of shit I can wrap my mind around. You know, easy shit to chew on. Shit that’s easy to come out of your mouth. Easy shit to believe. That’s why I believe the Republican Party, because they give me Easy Shit to Believe In!
OH, Happy Day’s will be here again, if we just eliminate the Government, and taxes!
Oh, No! The Liberal Sky is Falling!
Liberal Doomsday is just around the Corner!
Lesbians will fuck your cat!
The Taliban will fuck your cat!
Stuff like that.
Simple shit.
Simple shit, that’s Easy to Believe.
* * *
Let Lassie Save the Day! Let’s All Pray to Jesus! Let’s All Sing “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow!”
Come on, Lassie! Come on, Girl! You and Rin-Tin-Tin go help little Timmy, and My Friend Flicka, find the 29 Dead Men in the Mine Shaft! Killed by the negligent, greedy, and unregulated capitalist Mine Shaft Owner!
Woof! Woof! Woof!
That’s right, Lassie!
Thump! Thump! Thump! (Three hoof beats)
That’s right, Flicka!
And then we’ll get Flipper, and Broderick Crawford of the Highway Patrol, and the Whirlybirds, and Sky King and his lovely daughter Penny, to go on a Sea Hunt mission with Captain Nemo, to find the 11 men killed on the exploding, burning, sinking BP Gulf Oil Rig!
And then we can call Lois Lane, Kid Olsen, AND Clark Kent, and ask them to contact Superman, Batman, Captain America, Spiderman, Thor, and the Fantastic Four, so we can ALL go out and fight with Doctor DOOM, the guy the Conservatives are Always saying we should be afraid of! Or was that Chicken Little, and the Sky Is Falling?
And we can also get Sergeant Rock, if he isn’t too badly brain damaged, from all the IEDs, in Iraq!
Just remember, it’s Gays you gotta worry about! Not Cheating Corporations, not Lying Lobbyists, not paid off Politicians, or stingy, soul damaged Rich people, or hate filled, intolerant, unloving Christians, and greedy Wall Street Bankers!
Yep, you keep your eyes peeled for them Gay People!
They sneak right up on ya, and before ya know it, you’re FUCKED!
Their Dick will be Right up your quivering little Ass!
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Copyright © 2010. By Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, for criticism.
Don't Critic-Size the King Fish!
Otay, Froggie? Yassum, Darla! And don't tell Alfalfa, or Spanky! Or Butt wheat will spank your butt!
* * *
Afternoon Cartoon Show!
Hey Kids! It’s Time for “Sky Think, and the Little Penny DewBird Show!” Here we come, to save the Day!
We’ll find Lassie AND Flicka! Right, Rin Tin Tin?
WOOF! MEOW! TWEET!
LET’S GO, GUYS!
* * *
Down at the Boondocks, at the Cajun Catholic Mission, for the “Little Citizen Fish Fry!” Fresh Basted, Roasted Pelican, and Fuck Fried Southern Goober Fish!
Hmm, Hmm, Sho’ Is Good! Deelish! Makes Me Wanna Vote for Rich Corporate Republicans, Every Time!
Oh, boy, I think we iz done. Cooked, fried, and oil basted, in old time formaldehyde, and old formal forms, of Your Conservative Animal Hide.
Do ya think Heaven will take a Reservation?
Early Bird Special?
I hear the Seafood is Especially GOOD, this Time of Day!
And the Special of the Day?
Stuffed Corporate Republican “RePelican!” Our Own special Oil Fouled Fowl!
I’ll try some of that, it sure sounds crispy, crunchy, and tasty!
Who’s the Chef?
Bernard La Beepee!
Wonderful!
Those Corporate Chefs are Simply the Best!
Sprinkled and Flavored with Conservative Ideas, of course!
Let’s Eat It, the Conservative Way, with a corporate cock up your ass, and in your mouth!
The double dip, double fuck, banker caused Recession! Just drowning, baby, in your sticky, greasy, Corporate, Coiled Dick, oil slicked, Come Stain!
Swallow it right down, Mr. John Q. Citizen!
They know you’re Dumb, and will suck it up, until they’re ready to come in your ear, your ass, and your big wide Open Mouth again!
Gulp! Or should I say, “Gulf, that down!”
Surprised? Don’t be! The Corporations are just at it again, doing their Usual Thing!
You can just about always Depend on a Corporation to Screw You, over and over again!
Why? Because it’s all in the Incentive!
What Incentive?
“The Incentive to Profit from you, My Dear!”, said the Big Bad, Corporate Republican Wolf.
“Oh.”
[Awkward Pause. Little Red Riding Hood makes a little circle in the sand, with the toe of her Bass Weejun Boat Loafer. The Wolf clears his Throat, with a pubic, Public Relations Lozenge.]
“My what lovely ears you have, My Dear!”, said the Wolf.
“The better to listen to you with, with all your Corporate Talk!”, said Little Red Riding Hood.
“My, what luscious Lips you have!”, said the Wolf.
“The better to service you with, with your Giant Corporate Cock!”
* * *
Y’all come back now, you Hear?
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
The Beaver Incentive
“Aww, gee Wally! What’s my Incentive?”
“Gosh, Beav, you’re just gonna have to figure that one out for yourself! Mom and Dad sure aren’t gonna be there all the time to teach ya! And if you act like Eddie Haskell, or even like Lumpy, you’ll get in trouble for sure!”
“You’re right, Wally!” [Beaver tries pushing down his cowlick, with a glob of VO5 hair gel tonic.]
“Wally?”
“Yeah, Beav?”
“Why is Eddie always saying to Mom, ‘It sure is nice to see you, Mrs. Cleaver?’”
“Ya see, Beaver, it’s Eddie’s clever little way of thinking he’s covering his Butt, for whatever Stupid Shit he’s doing lately!”
“Oh. You’re really smart, Wally.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Beav.”
“Any time, Wally!”
* * *
BYE!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
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