Nashville Pied Pipers, Sing Me a Tune!
Hey, Country Music Boy! We all know about your dog, your 4 wheeler, your cheatin Whore or your Wife, and why we should ALL want a Country Boy Life!
But how about writin’ me a song about free-wheelin’ Republican Hound Dog Senators, lettin’ big American companies hide cash in Off Shore Tax Cheat Loopholes, and giving Big Tax Breaks to “Corporate Welfare Sinkholes” , and then Scrimping and Cheatin’ on the Needs of the Middle Class and the Workin’ Class Poor, while the Corporate Bill Collector is knockin‘ hard on the Country Boy Trailer Door!
How bout writin’ me a song about King George Bush gibbin’ all dee Money to them Corporate Slicks “Holly Burton, Blacky Waters, and Walt Street”! And Tax Cuts fo dee Feelthy Rich! And then de-regoolatin’ Wall Street till it Burns Down the “Wall Street Frat Party” House, and takes down the rest of the Nation with it, in a Mortgage Meltdown, Credit Crunch, Jobless Recession that came real close to being another Great Depression.
Yep, them smooth talkin’ Republican Senators, creatin’ a Boogeyman Deficit , by going into Two Wars without Payin’ for ‘em, and then Screaming we can’t give you Health Care, because we have to pay for a Deficit and a War Machine, in a far off Hillbilly Non-Nation!
Imagine that! An Afghan/Iraq Hillbilly is worth more than a toothless American Hillbilly! (Hey! I ain’t bein’ Racist! Disclaimer: All Human Life is Worth the Same! That’s why we’re not gonna give you the Same health Care your Senator Has! Got it?)
Let me see if I got this straight. The rich Republican Senators, get us into Two Wars, without figuring out how their gonna pay for ’em, creating a big Deficit, then they ask the Country Boy to Sacrifice a few Arms, Legs and Lives to fight them wars, but the Senators won’t raise taxes on the rich to share in the Sacrifice of the War Effort, or to lower the Deficit the War Created, and then the Senators turn around and say “I can’t give the Poor Country Boy Health Care, because I don’t want to raise Taxes on the Rich and the Corporations?”
Damn, Country Boy! How many times does a Mule have to kick you in the head, before you figure that one out?
You better go put your NASCAR Thinking Cap on for this one, cuz by the time them race cars go around and around in a circle 500 times, your Thinking will probably be right back to where you started from! Yep, my dog can chase his Tail faster than you can think!
So, Country Music Boy, how bout writin’ me a song about poor AMERICAN Hillbillies, that got two teeth, and no Health Keer, and ain’t worth a Republican Senator’s Dollar? Huh, Country Boy? Still think your Republican Senator cares about you now?
And sing about how Republican Trickle Down Economics (Tax Cuts fo dee Rich, a lollipop for everybody else! Here, Suck on this!) ain’t worth Spit to live on, and don’t pay all the Beeeels, in Trailer Park Nation.
Ken yee doo that, Country Music Boy, or is that just too hard a song for yoo to rat? Ridin’ around in your Fancy Pants, La-Dee-Da, duded-up, mural painted, Golden mirrored Bus, with your Rich Hollywood Lifestyle, fornicatin’ with all the Big League Cheerleaders, who wear nothin’ but cowgirl boots, and a Rodeo Belt Buckle, while they ride your, uh-hmm, “Bull Ride”, in the back of your Rolling Mansion Bus.
I bet you got Health Keer! Maybe even a Med-Sin Cabinet of Pills? And a personal On-Call Fizzishen? Maybe even sum loopy-doopy Medical Mary-Wanna, if you get nauseated under them hot stage lights? Maybe even a personal “Masoose”, for all them, uh-hem, “Muscle Aches” you get after a real hard night of playin’ Music, on that cold outdoor stage? I know how tough a job thet ken be. Strummin’ thet Gitar ken be a real bitch.
Maybe you should stick to rattin’ about your dog, and poking chicks. It’s a lot easier for ya’.
We don’t wanna make things too hard for ya, do we, Country Music Boy?
Yep! Go along...get along. Don’t wanna rock the Country Music Gravy Boat.
What a Patriot! A Man of the Little People! Yes Sir!
Always thinking about, and thanking your Fans, and thanking Jesus!
Even if they don’t have Health Keer!
Keep on foolin’ your Country Fans, just like them Big Rich Corporations, and Senators do!
Profit...that’s all that counts, right? Just Wave the Flag, then collect the Money, any way you can. A real Cuntry Muzak boy!
Hell, Boy, if you got sumthin’ wrong with your peckerwood, and don’t have no Health Keer, well, I’ll just loan ya my trusty, rusty Pocket knife! And ya don’t even have to thank me, cuz I’m just bein’ Neighborly!
Ain’t that Mighty White of me? And Real Christian like, too? And I’ll pray for ya, that you, your sick kid, or whatever Family Member is ailing, will get well in a right jiffy.
Or, on the other hand, if you haven’t been keeping up with the health insurance premiums, have you heard the Word? Jesus will cure ya! And if he don’t, well, I guess you just don’t believe hard enough in Jesus Healing the Sick!
Hell, boy, you gotta work harder on being a Better Christian! Now dontcha? When was the last time you was in church, prayin’ for Jesus to heal ya? Well, see, get on down there and start making up for that lost prayer time! How are ya ever gonna get better if you don’t start prayin’ now?
Signed,
Faint Bernard
The Old Fashioned Cure for Anything that Ails You!
Manufactured by The Old South “Mighty White” Corporation.
Directions: Drink directly from the bottle, or pour into the Wound, and I GUARANTEE you will be talking to JESUS! Real Soon! Also improves your driving ability!
Copyright © 2010. By Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
How ya like them apples, huh, Country boy?
Don’t get sick! You hear me, Boy?
Cuz good ol’ Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky will be Operating on you with Horse Pills, and a Band Saw! And that probably won’t be a Whole lot of Fun, you know whut I mean, huh, Cuntry Boy?
Plink! Damn! I just busted a gitar string and tore my finger nail! Damn, that hurts! Here girl, why don’t you just suck on that and make it feel better? Oh, yeah, that feels much better! Now that’s whut I call Universal Health Care! Wink-wink! You know whut I mean, Cuntry boy?
Yep, that’s the way it is in American Health Care! You gotta get fucked, before it will ever get better!
You hear me, Cuntry Boy?
* * *
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Y’all come back, now! I got lots more where this comes from! You hear me, BOY?
That’s whut’s so wonderful about the South! We all knows our Manners down heer, and we sure are Neighborly, and we are the Mightiest White Christians you ever did see!
Now pass that bottle of “Old Healer”, I done needs me sum good ol’ Southern Health Keer!
Wake me up, when the Tumor’s gone!
Do ya think I’ll feel better if that Jackass Kentucky Republican Senator, Bitch MyCuntill, kicks me in the head with his Horse?
Or maybe the Republicans could just give me a good Whipping, for having the Nerve to get Sick?
Think about it, Country Boy! That is, if you do Think!
Yes, sir! You da smartest boy on the farm!
You smarter than everybody in the whole wide world!
Got it all figured out!
Got your shit kicker boots, your cowboy hat, and your NASCAR cap!
Ain’t nobody smarter than you.
And that’s partly why the health care system is busted, and falling apart.
Cuz you think it’s just fine! You don’t know what’s wrong with it, you haven’t suffered from it, you haven’t experienced where it’s busted, and so you’re afraid to change it.
Write me a song about that, Country boy, if you can.
And then you can get up at the Country Music Awards, and really thank Jesus for healing the sick, and getting you on the Radio!
I’m sure he’ll appreciate it!
Stay healthy now! And don’t get Sick! You hear?
And make sure you got a Big Deductible, say 12,000 dollars, saved up in your “Health Savings Account”, with the money from your job they just shipped Overseas, or all the jobs Wall Street just Blew Up in their Wild Mortgage Meltdown Credit Finance Freeze.
The Big Rich Boys, Always Against the “Little People”. Some Things Never Change!
The Big Boys have Health Keer. The Senators, the CEO’s, the Insurance Executives, the Super Rich. How about you, Country Boy, how about you?
Are they more American than you? You’re the one always spoutin’ how American you are! Do they deserve Health Care more than you?
Why should your Senator have better health care than you? Your Senator works for you, he represents you, he’s your Public Servant! He’s not your King! We got rid of the King 200 years ago! You and me, we, are the King now!
Think about it Country Boy, think about it while your Singing about the good old Red, White, and Blue.
Do the Rich and Powerful deserve it all, and you deserve spit?
What’s your Life Worth, Country Boy?
Is your Senator worth more Health Care than you, in this land of Ours?
Or are you just a worthless piece of Cow Shit, on the bottom of the Human Ladder, and don’t deserve the same Health Care he has, paid for with Your tax dollar?
Think about it, Country Boy, and get back to me when you write that song.
And to show you how neighborly I am, I’ll play drums on it for you! Cuz I’m just as good as them Hollywood Studio Drummers.
Maybe even better.
I’ll put some Extra Life, some special drummer Care, in your Country Tune.
Whaddaya say, Country Music Boy?
You got it in yee, or do ya ain’t?
Do you want “your loyal Fans” to have health care, or do you just want them to buy tickets to your Show?
* * *
Oh, and so ya don’t think I Forgot ya, this also applies to you, Country Music Girl! Don’t think you’re off the Hook that easy! You can’t just write songs about Cooter Rides, cheatin men, and back seat lovin’. Them babies need health care, too! And all them Female Plumbing Parts, that need fixin, adjustin, and lubricatin!
And just so ya know I’m right Neighborly, I’m offering to give you all FREE Breast Exams, to do my bit in the fight against Breast Cancer!
Think about that, while your Cradling your sexy hand, opening your mouth nice and wide, and Chewin’ on that Big Black Chrome Microphone Bone, with the knobby round hard metal HEAD.
Oh yeah, baby! That’s a SHURE thing! Guaranteed to Last! With a heart shaped, cardioid pickup pattern, designed to reduce “Stage Leakage”! And a ruler straight response curve, whether you want a deep and low frequency of 50, or a high and fast 15,000 Hertz!
Oh, yeah Baby! Make it Hurts! For Shure! Plug it in, and hold it right up to your mouth! Now open wide, and let it ALL, COME Out!
That’s the way to Sing, Baby!
That’s the way to Sing!
You got the touch!
That’s what I call a Vocal Instrument! A real Gift from God!
You take good healthy care of it now, yoo hear?
That is, if you can afford to!
You know whut I mean?
* * *
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Since When Did Redneck Rebel Racists, From Lynch Mob, Alabama, Become the "Gold Standard" for American Values? This Liberal Wants to Know!
The Conservative, Blue Collar Bumpkin: He’s Scared, Angry, Misinformed and Not Too Bright. With the Game Fixed in Favor of the Rich, He’s Frightened by the Future, So He Retreats, and is Misled Into the Past, Blocking All Future Progress!
The Rich Republicans, and the Poor American South, Pick One More “Lost Cause” After Another, and Are Always at the Forefront of Resisting Progress!
Why? The Better to Control You With, My Dear, Says the Greedy GOP Business Wolf, to the Little Blue Collar Riding Hood!
Since when did Goober and Becky Jo, the two Genetically Defective Trailer Trash Cousins, become the “Poster Chillun” for American Values?
The Short Answer? Since the Republicans discovered they could use a Not-Too-Bright, easily manipulated, reliable Power Base, that could hep Vote ’em into Power.
And once in Power, them Clever Republicans, draping everything in Mom, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet, can then fix the American Money Game in favor of the Rich, while Hiding the “fix” from the Poor Redneck, who doesn’t realize he’s just been screwed out of a fair deal.
Screwed by No Health Care, No Jobs, Low Wages, Reduced or No Benefits, Reduced or No Pensions, and in lotsa other Unseen Tax Laws that Benefit the Rich, and hurt everybody else that ain’t rich.
But the Question still Stands.
How did Tattooed Rednecks, with fuzzy brown teeth, low brainpower, and muddled thinking, a Cigarette and Tit thrust in their mouth at birth, a sixpack or jug of whiskey for daily adult refreshment, and a gob of black tobacky juice still in their mouth while kissing the wife, get to claim they are the “Gold Standard” of God, Patriotism, and Family Values?
This Progressive Liberal wants to know.
Is it Southern Personal Hygiene? Is Hillbilly Hygiene Closer to Godliness?
It’s not like Southern Rednecks don’t need Universal, National, Big Gubmint Health Care, big time, preferably on a Daily Mandated Basis, what with their Tobacco induced Lung Cancer, Heavy Duty Drinkin’, scraggly brown teeth, lard-fried Obesity Chips with Diabetes Sauce, high blood pressure, and let’s not forget Holy Redneck Sun Burnt Skin Cancer Fries! If anybody is “Entitled” to health care, these people are it!
Good Lord, have you seen Southern Redneck teeth? They either can’t afford to go to a Dentist, don’t know what a dentist is, can't afford toothpaste and a brush, or just plum don’t know what teeth are!
Up North, you can buy fake scraggly teeth in the Halloween store. Down south, the scraggly teeth are real, and already in peoples mouths!
Do they even know how to use a toothbrush? Is this just poor schooling, and low tool skills? Or is it the inevitable Limited Tool Use among Primitive Un-Evolved Animals?
No wonder anti-evolutionist Southern Christians don’t want to think they’re evolved from Animals! It reminds them too much of of their current Primitive condition!
Unfortunately, for hard core Christian right wingers, the Existence of Southern Redneck Fossil Teeth is Proof of Evolution staring us in the face, right from the Hillbillies mouth! The “Missing Fossil Record”, that will prove the existence of a new species, the “Toothless Southerner”.
“White Southern Education” (God, I hesitate to even use the term), and White Southern upbringing, has always been a little shaky, with regards to Toothbrushes, Progress, and Human Rights. What’s that you say? Niggers don’t count as Humans, with “Rats”? Oh, right, that forgives all those God Fearin’ Southern White “Christian” Slave Owners! That let’s ‘em all off the hook, and puts ‘em right back at the Top of “Mighty Christian White of You” Status!
But back to fuzzy redneck teeth. A 6 oz. tube of tooth paste at Walmart is One fuckin’ dollar, ONE DOLLAR! Oh shit, I forgot, that’s a Lottery Ticket! How could I forget the Gamblin’? Another one of them Holy Redneck Christian Family Values!
Mind Boggler!
But the real mind boggler is, since rednecks Can’t Afford Health Care anyway, in their low wage “Right to Work For Peanuts” State, why the fuck are they so “Agin It”? (That's southern talk for "against it")
Does it all come down to the Hot Sun, Dehydration and Heat Stroke, that causes such low level, deranged, Poor Quality Thinking? Is the “Southern Fried Brain”, just another cause of Poor Health, mistake prone thinking, and bad family values?
Or is Bad Southern Behavior just due to inbred, hand me down, Low Genetic Brainpower?
Lotsa Musclepower, but Slow on the Mental Go!
Maybe the Southern Mind is like a Southern NASCAR “moonshine runner” car, with lotsa Horsepower, but not a lot of Mental power behind the wheel. It’s like the torque curve, and the horsepower curve, for a big V8 car engine. The Southern Mind has a lot of Low End Muscle power, but not a lot of Intellectual power at the Top End! Gobs of Muscle downstairs, but No Head on top! Ver-ROOM! Watch that sucker go! Oops! Ain’t nobody steering!
I guess it’s just an unfortunate trade-off, in the Evolutionary Biology Game. When you come Out of the Swamp, you get smart, and evolve. Stay back in the swamp, and you stay, “Traditionally Stupid”, and unevolved.
Damn! Am I beatin’ on the “Dumb Southerner Stereotype”? Shit! We All Know THAT doesn’t exist anymore! Right?
“Go marry your Cousin! And get out of my face, you Intellectual Pinhead, FAGGOT SCIENCE, JEW BOY!! I don’t need your LEEBERAL, Yankee Fuckhead, Citified, Sissified, SCHOOLIN’!”
“And as far as I’m concerned, you can burn all your God Damned Books, except the BIBLE, which is the ONLY Book worth reading! You hear me, BOY?”
“And you can Burn that phoney “Moose Limb” bible, the ‘Co-Ran’, where Co stands for Commie, and burn that fake, unfinished, Jew “bible”, cuz the ONLY WAY you’re going to Heaven, Boy, is if you believe in JESUS!”
“And Frankly, I’m personally GLAD we done killed all the Native Mercan Indians, and enslaved them NIGGERS, cuz if that’s what it took to make this “THE GREAT CHRISTIAN NATION” that we are TODAY, then God Damn it, we should all go out, and Hate, Discriminate, and Murder some More! God Damn it all, that’s THE CHRISTIAN WAY! You Understand me BOY? DO YA?”
* * *
Do “These People”, Southerners that is, ever really Think? Or do they just “React”, like Gators gettin’ poked with a Stick, in a Dark Swamp?
Are they really this dumb down here, or is it just that there are fewer people, so the dumb ones just stick out more?
This Liberal wants to know.
Let’s ask a Republican Political Strategist, and a Right Wing Econo-Mist about this, they’re good at Theories, and let’s ask a Preacher Sex Offender! Especially about the “Theory that Financial Markets Work Best Without Rules!” Otherwise known as, “why let a good Spanking, get in the way of Molesting and Fucking everybody, in the whole Economy, or in the Congregation?”
Yes indeedy! Now, were you a Bad girl, or a Good girl today? You know I had to Sneak that in!
OH, YES! You Bad Boy! SNEAK IT RIGHT IN! Ohhh, Yesss! Now sneak it back out! IN! Now, OUT! Now MAKE CIRCLES! Faster! More Circles! There! Right there at that Spot! Don’t STOP! Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Now Eat it with that Big, Slurpy Tongue of yours! Oh, you little Wolf! Eat it, Wolf Boy! My little WOLFY! Slurp Your Hot Mama! I’m your Wet Slurpy Pie! Oh, my god, you make me WAG MY HOT WET TAIL! And BARK, like the Good Little Doggy Girl I am! OH-WHOOOOO! Whoof! Whoof! Whoof!
Waggedy, waggedy, WAGGEDY! Yip! Yip!
Oh, Mama’s been BAD!
You’re a Good Boy! Mama Loves You when you get all Slurpy!!
* * *
Republican Redneck Healthcare: The “Jesus Plan”.
Question: Just what is, “Republican Redneck Healthcare”?
Answer: Put your hand on the Bible, get down on your knees, and Pray as Hard as you can to Jesus, God, and the Holy Rollin' Ghost, that you Never, Ever get Sick!
(Ba-boom! Cymbal crash!) Take my Life, please!
Okay…let’s try another one!
Question: What is a “Redneck, Libertarian, Personal Responsibility Healthcare Plan”?
Answer: A canvas bag, with a bone saw, hammer and nails, a pair of pliers, and a jug of whiskey. Also comes with a rope to tie you down, a baseball bat to knock you out, or put you Permanently out of your Misery, and a Silver Dollar for the Undertaker!
For this Last Step in this Redneck Libertarian Healthcare Plan, known as the "Should We Pull the Plug" Death Panel Option, a small, All Volunteer, Anti-Tax, Limited Gubmint, Home Schooled, Christian Freedom, Militia Patriot “Eternal Life Panel”, is required.
This illustrious, self-reliant panel, is made up of the following people: A.) Sparky, the slightly slow, local high school football Coach. B.) Your 83 year-old deaf, partially blind, Spinster Aunt Tillie. C.) Elbert, the manager of the local Goodyear Tire Store, and Captain of the local Anti-Tax, Volunteer Militia, Armageddon Movement. D.) Preacher Viler Styles, fresh back from Alcohol Rehab and Sex Offender School, and father of several local out of wedlock chillun, both black, white and Asian.
This Eternal Life, Price Discrimination, Health Care Ration Panel, begins its Thoughtful, Inscrutable Word of God Analysis, in the waiting room of the tire store. Sparky puts down his ever present Blessed Touchdown Football, and Preacher Styles carefully puts the cap back on his Silver "Blood of Jesus" Flask. Several throats are cleared, and a few chairs squeak.
“Let the meetin’ Commence.”
“Amen.”
“Here, here!”
“As President of this here All Volunteer Militia, Patriot Health Care, Christian Citizen, Eternal Life Panel, I’ll start first!”
"Uh-hmm. The Patient, Virgil, well, he ain’t lookin’ too good."
"Nope."
"We should probably call the Veterinarian."
"Yep."
"He wouldn't want to live like this."
"Nope."
"He'd want us to put him out of his Misery."
"Yep."
"He sure ain't looking too good.".
"Nope."
"Should we take a Vote?"
"Yep."
"Okay by me".
"I’m square with that!"
"Yep."
“WHO’S there? Elbert? IS THAT YOU? What are we doing here?”
"Don't worry, Aunt Tillie, it's all taken care of!"
"Are you sure everything’s fine, ELBERT?”
"YES! Don’t Worry!"
“That’s a Good Boy, Elbert! Whuf...wha...Why aren't you in School, for Pete’s Sake? Your mother isn’t going to like this at all! You’re gonna get in big trouble with the Principal! You’re gonna have to stay after for Detention! You always were a bad boy Elbert! Why, I remember the time you put a dead beetle in my tea!”
* * *
The Small Minds of Small Town People, Under the Mythical Halo of “Small Town Values”. And the Original, Unregulated, Anything Goes, “Free” Market for Slaves!
But the Question Remains.
How did small town Racists, from the Rural American South, with very limited education, a couple of chipped teeth, and a very Narrow view of the world, become the “Shining Example” of all that's supposedly “Good” with American Values?
Was it the small town, after dinner “Lynching Parties”, with happy, likkered up, White Lynch Mobs, known for their “Genteel Southern Hospitality” towards Blacks?
“Hey, Nigger Boy! Let’s go Swing from a Tree for a while, you’ll like the View!”
Or was it the buying, selling, whipping, and general all around mistreating, of other Human Beings, who just happened to be a different color? The “Owning of People”, as Slaves, Property, and Beasts of Burden? As Animals to Serve the White Christian Man? The Better to Serve Jesus with, My Dear! The Better to Serve GOD! Hallelujah!
"Hey, Slave Boy! Fetch me that fresh Cotton, will you please, and I will spare you a good whippin, cuz I have Jesus in my Heart!"
Or was it Southern Baptist preachers, telling their flock it was God's Will, to own people?
"Yas suh! Them Niggers is God’s Chillun, and we Gots to take Keer of 'em!"
This Liberal wants to know.
Southerners: Traitors to the Union! They Betrayed Our Country, and Started Our American Civil War!
Was it Rebelling, and becoming Traitors to America and the Union, and causing a Bloody Civil War that elevated Southern Family Values? Is this where that “Southern Patriotism” thing started? Or is it just their Hot headed, and Blind Urge, to solve everything with Violence? Heat, and dehydration, can make a man do strange things, and thinking clearly, is definitely not one of them.
Or was it preventing, oh excuse me, “making it incredibly hard for black people to vote for 100 years after the War”, that Southerners get to Claim the High Moral Ground, on God, Country and Democratic Values?
This Yankee Abolitionist Liberal, would like to know.
Plantation Justice.
Was it “Free Market” Plantation Economics, that justify today's Southern anti-union behavior, and management mistreatment of Labor? Is that where Southerners get their Rules of Fair Play, that whole “Southern Gentleman” thing?
Or was it the All White Juries, where Nigger Boy never had a chance, and the General Store got to sell a lot of Rope to the Town Folk?
This bleedin' heart, do-gooder, Northern Yankee “leeberal”, wants to know.
Was Jesus a “Nigger Lover?” Real Southerners Don’t Want to Know!
Was it the KKK “Taliban”, the local vigilante, all volunteer, militia police force, ridin' in the night and burnin' down the nigger's shack or the nigger lover's barn, that showed the Power of Jesus in the White Man’s Heart?
(Nigger Lover - a whitey who liked black people, or who took the “nigger side” on an issue. This is different from Colonel Plantation, who was only occasionally a nigger lover, when he fucked one of his nigger slave chicks on the side, and plopped out a blue eyed, light skinned House Boy, to better serve supper with, and clean the Silverware, on the Southern Plantation.)
Or was it the White Supremacy Code, embedded in the state and local laws, and in the Social Fabric, side by side with the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, and the Statue of Jesus and General Lee, on the neatly mowed Courthouse lawn, that gave the impression they were all doing God’s Work? Just a hop, step, and a skip away, from the cool Shade of the lynch mob, hanging Tree?
This progressive liberal, who believes in the Constitutional Separation of Church and State, wants to know.
Separate, but “Equal” Schools. Trust Me! They Were Equal! Just a Little Short on Pencils and Teachers! And Short on Love, and the Equality of Humans!
Was it the "separate but equal" schools, where whites got books, buildings and teachers, and blacks got benches, shacks and busted pencils? Or was it finally repealing the state laws that said YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO TEACH NIGGERS TO READ?
Or was it that Famous “Southern Hospitality” we always hear about, towards Niggers, Queers, Jews, Outside Agitators, City Slicker Northern Jew Boy Lawyers, and any uppity teenage Nigger boy, that might whistle at a white woman, and get Hung for it, like fruit from a tree?
Or was it Good Old Southern, sturdy and consistent, Holier-than-thou Church goin’, where they sang and Praised God and the Holy Ghost, while a Nigger hung outside from a tree, like soap on a Rope? Or, after singing and prayin, they went home to WHIP their slave , for sassin’ his Massa?
This Human Secular, Progressive Reformist “LEEBERAL”, wants to know. You hear me, Southern BOY?
If You Flunk the Golden Rule, Take a “Born Again” Dunk, and Then You Get a Fresh Start, to Sin All Over Again!
Was it the moonshine makin’, likker drinkin', wife cheatin', child molestin', and first cousin, incestous marriage makin’, that gets Southern Rednecks closer to God?
Or is it all that Southern Born Again Crap, with the Constant Baptizing in the Streams, cuz it's hot in the South, and the church just happens to be next door to the River?
"I’m Born Again, how about you? I'm Holier than you, cuz I'm doin' a Regular Dunk in the Holy River Water of Jesus! I‘m Fainting, cuz it‘s Hot! Let’s go Jump in the River! Sermon AND a SWIM! Come on Down! Two services for the price of one! Wear your good underwear!"
You can bet Yankees would be doin' a whole lot of dunkin’ too, if the water Up North weren't ice cold, and shriveled your balls up like a little Lemon. And you didn’t have to chop a hole in the ice first! And when you sat down you froze your ass and your balls to the ice while you were tryin’ to slip in the water. That stuff about your tongue sticking to ice cold metal? Try it with your balls and your dick! “Oh, there’s Johnny, stuck to the Pond! Ain’t he Cute! Why’s he screaming in Pain?”
Was Jesus’ Church a “Whites Only” Church?
Are Southern Women more Godly? Do they "turn the other cheek", just like Jesus, and say in Honey Tones, "Well, ahh don't worry mah pertty leetle head about Worldly Things like thaat! I just turn my purty head the other way and don’t look! I let my Husband handle all Those Worldly Things, so I can concentrate on takin' keer of mah Family! So I just believe what the Preacher Man tells me! And that's why I hate Niggers, Fags, and Jews and Socialist Health Care for Everybody!”
“Why, Jesus never said heal the sick with Big Gubmint Socialism, and give free health care to the niggers, taking it out of my tax dollars, giving them niggers another free ride, leaving me with less money, and then I’ll lose my job, because the Poor Giant Corporations will have to lay off people, because the Big Deficit Tar Baby will make Taxes go up, and the Rich shouldn’t have to pay anymore than the little they already pay!”
Or maybe it was all those wonderfully blunt, kind and loving “Whites Only” signs, that Sprouted like beautiful wild flowers, all over the Wonderful, Gentle South for 100 years? “Whites Only Restaurant”, “Whites Only Water Fountain”, “Niggers Not Welcome!” “Whites Only Church, but hey, we LOVE YOU, JESUS!” “I’m Born Again! How about You? Whites Only!” And “Back of the Bus for You, Jiga bunny Voodoo Chile!”
This Liberal wants to know.
Cruel and Stupid: Cloaked in the Sins of the Past, Present, and Future! Stupid is as Stupid Does. Run, Forrest, Run! The Racists are Right Behind Ya!
When a White Trash Redneck Fool from the South, starts saying he's “The Original American Patriot”, with a lock on God, Country and Family Values, I just gotta laugh.
Why? Cuz this is like a Slutty, Venereal Diseased, Trailer Trash Whore, wearin’ Pure Virgin White, on her Wedding Day. You catch my drift?
(Note: In the old days, if you weren’t a Virgin, an “Untouched Pure Virgin Pussy”, you didn’t get to wear Pure White, on your wedding day, you had to wear something other than Pure White. Like a slutty off-white, or a “damaged goods” custard beige, or egg yolk "whore" cream, or maybe a nice Scarlet Red, with embroidered lettering, around an "A" neck line, with a sign spelling out “Whore” in bright red letters.)
So, while you’re standing there, Southern Man, in your Sin Stained, Ridiculous Pure White Wedding Dress, claiming you’re the “Queen of Family Values”, I will have to Slap your Stupid Face, with my Yankee Liberal Gentleman’s Glove, and say, "You Sir, are a man without Honor! And not only that, but you look really stupid in that dress, you intolerant little pissant Queer!”
“And why do you look so stupid? Why do you look like the Phoney Queen of the Hypocrites Ball? Cuz you’re just taking WAY TOO LONG to catch on, about How to Treat People Fairly in Life. And while we’re discussing how to treat people, just who the FUCK do you think you are? You sir, are the Expert at Mistreating Your Own Family, mistreating your own Women Folk, and killing Your Fellow American Citizens! Do ya know whut I’m sayin, huh, Country Boy?”
“Because this YANKEE LIBERAL, from the part of the Nation that beat your Evil Devil Ass in the Civil War, WANTS TO KNOW!”
“You, Sir, are the Total Exact Opposite of ALL that America has been striving for! I’ll say it real SLOW, so your little pea brain will catch on! It's Justice, Equality, and Freedom for ALL, not just for hate filled, uneducated white fools from the South, like you. Got it, Goober?”
“Think about it, and now try not to be Cruel and Stupid, like you been doin’, for the past 200 years.”
“Do ya think you can handle that, or is it just too much for your Southern Fried, redneck, Lizard Brain, to Handle?”
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Grand Wizard of the Yankee Holy Riders, of the Progressive Liberal “Liberty for All” Clan!
With a Heart and Mind Forged in the Icy Cold Waters of Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, a Birthplace of American Freedom, and The Northern State Where the South Finally Got Its Ass Whipped, with a Near Fatal Death Blow, at Gettysburg!
Where Bleedin’ Heart, Big GubMint “Union Yankee, Liberal Progressive, Do-Gooder Reformers”, Finally Prevailed Over the “Evil Family Values” of the Rebel Traitors from the South, and Their Devil Worshipping, Slave Owning, Corporate Plantation Empire!
You Goobers wouldn't know what Patriotism, God, and Family Values were about if they fell out of the Sky, and hit you on the head like a Brick! Just look at your track record!
Good Lord, you’ve had about 3 Centuries of being on the WRONG SIDE of History! Watch the screen! YOU guys are the BAD Guys in the history books, when it comes to Slavery, Violence and killing in the name of the Lord! It’s bad enough we ALL killed the Native American Indians, but good God, you guys have pretty much made a Career out of hatin’ and Killin’ EVERYBODY!
“Kill the fag, kill the nigger, kill the Jew, kill the Union Boys in blue! If it ain’t white, and if it don’t believe in Jesus, hang it, burn it, or shoot it!” That’s your motto! Written on the first page of your “Christian” Bible!
And you are Always, always, standing in the symbolic “Schoolhouse Doorway”, blocking the Road to Progress and a Better Future, and SLOW to catch on!! Yes sir, you’re Batting about 95 percent, On the Wrong Side of History!
Take that to your "church" on Sunday. And Pray that God has Mercy on your Hate filled, Hell Fired, Southern Fried Sinner Soul. No wonder you're always dunkin' in the Baptize River! You're just burnin' up from your sins, and your hate filled thoughts! It's amazing your clothes don't just catch fire, and your "churches" just burst into Flames, from all the Sinful Kindling your thoughts provide!
Pause for Reflection, and Prayer, because you really need it.
And don’t look at me for YOUR FAULTS! I’m not the Preacher of the One Way for All, Universal Mandatory, One Way Dictator Church, that’s been giving you all this fucked up “guidance” for all these years! I’m not responsible for all your Sins, for all the fucked up thinking in YOUR World, YOU, and your preachers are responsible for your hate filled intolerant thinking!
Your Minds are filled with so much Hate, like Witches and Demons stirring a Bubbling Cooking Pot, and yet you’re Clueless, Confused and BLIND, because you think you’re cooking a Big Pot of LOVE, filled to the Brim, with the LOVE of GOD!
You don’t even know what the word LOVE means anymore.
You’re all mixed up, and confused with HATE, and now you can’t tell the difference between Love and Hate.
You have actually reached the point where you think HATE equals LOVE!
You don’t know how to love anymore, in your Rigid Attempt to Force everyone, to think, to Believe, Exactly as you do.
And if you can’t get everybody to believe Exactly as you do? What do you do?
You get Mad!
YOU GET SO MAD, YOU ARE WILLING TO KILL THEM, FOR NOT BELIEVING WHAT YOU BELIEVE!
If they LOOK DIFFERENT, or THINK DIFFERENTLY, YOU ARE WILLING TO KILL THEM.
WHERE DID GOD SAY THAT?
KILL THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT??
How can you say you love god, and then kill people, because they are Different?
This Liberal wants to know.
* * *
Copyright © 2010, by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Y’all come back now! Cuz I got Jesus in my heart! And he certainly ain’t in yours!
Because I love people!
You hate them!
That’s the difference!
It’s as simple as that.
Now, if I can only get that Dumb Nigger Boy drivin’ by to turn down his BOOM BOOM Car Radio. Damn! Them walls is rattlin’ again! Shit! Ain’t he deaf yet? Come on Lord, hurry up and Strike that Dumb Nigger Boy Deaf, with his Stupid “music”, so I can get me some Sleep!
Whatever happened to Motown?
I thinks it done turned into Notown!
BOOM BOOM BOOOM, every time dee fuckin’ wheels go ‘roun!
See, that’s Progress! Fifty years ago the southern Sheriff would of Hung the black boy from a tree, for disturbin the peace with the boom boom “music”.
Now, Black boy got freedom, but now he too stupid to know he disturbin’ the peace, and is listenin to shitty retarded “music” as well.
One step forward, two steps back.
It’s like Martin Luther King said, we shouldn’t settle for the “Tranquilizing Drug of Gradualism!” Even in rap “music”.
* * *
Holy shit! There’s something loose in my Mental Clock!
Fix that clock!
I think the only way we can fix the Future, is if we go back in time, to the Bad Old Past!
Yep! The Old Way is ALWAYS better than the New Way!
What the fuck is the matter with this here Clock?
I can’t tell what Time it is!
How can we tell when the Future arrives, if we don’t know when the Past is Gone?
This Liberal wants to know!
How the fuck do ya set this Alarm thing?
I gotta get me some sleep, before I wake up the whole Nation, with my Boom Boom “Music”! What the fuck doo dat White Boy know about Rap “music” anyway? Shit, there ain’t nuthin To Know about rippity rap “music”, cuz der ain’t NO MUSIC THERE!
All you need is a marching band bass drum, and then you record a wino spouting bad poetry in a monotone, while he holds onto his Penis, to remind hisself he’s still a “Man”, and his dick is still there!
Either that, or he’s really gotta pee, and he’s tryin to hold it a littler longer, until he can find an alleyway to piss in!
Yas suh! I still got my dick! White Man can’t take that away from me! No suh! I got my dick, and I ain’t gibbin dat up! No way, no how, NO SUH! My dick is my ticket to Ride!
* * *
The Rich Republicans, and the Poor American South, Pick One More “Lost Cause” After Another, and Are Always at the Forefront of Resisting Progress!
Why? The Better to Control You With, My Dear, Says the Greedy GOP Business Wolf, to the Little Blue Collar Riding Hood!
Since when did Goober and Becky Jo, the two Genetically Defective Trailer Trash Cousins, become the “Poster Chillun” for American Values?
The Short Answer? Since the Republicans discovered they could use a Not-Too-Bright, easily manipulated, reliable Power Base, that could hep Vote ’em into Power.
And once in Power, them Clever Republicans, draping everything in Mom, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet, can then fix the American Money Game in favor of the Rich, while Hiding the “fix” from the Poor Redneck, who doesn’t realize he’s just been screwed out of a fair deal.
Screwed by No Health Care, No Jobs, Low Wages, Reduced or No Benefits, Reduced or No Pensions, and in lotsa other Unseen Tax Laws that Benefit the Rich, and hurt everybody else that ain’t rich.
But the Question still Stands.
How did Tattooed Rednecks, with fuzzy brown teeth, low brainpower, and muddled thinking, a Cigarette and Tit thrust in their mouth at birth, a sixpack or jug of whiskey for daily adult refreshment, and a gob of black tobacky juice still in their mouth while kissing the wife, get to claim they are the “Gold Standard” of God, Patriotism, and Family Values?
This Progressive Liberal wants to know.
Is it Southern Personal Hygiene? Is Hillbilly Hygiene Closer to Godliness?
It’s not like Southern Rednecks don’t need Universal, National, Big Gubmint Health Care, big time, preferably on a Daily Mandated Basis, what with their Tobacco induced Lung Cancer, Heavy Duty Drinkin’, scraggly brown teeth, lard-fried Obesity Chips with Diabetes Sauce, high blood pressure, and let’s not forget Holy Redneck Sun Burnt Skin Cancer Fries! If anybody is “Entitled” to health care, these people are it!
Good Lord, have you seen Southern Redneck teeth? They either can’t afford to go to a Dentist, don’t know what a dentist is, can't afford toothpaste and a brush, or just plum don’t know what teeth are!
Up North, you can buy fake scraggly teeth in the Halloween store. Down south, the scraggly teeth are real, and already in peoples mouths!
Do they even know how to use a toothbrush? Is this just poor schooling, and low tool skills? Or is it the inevitable Limited Tool Use among Primitive Un-Evolved Animals?
No wonder anti-evolutionist Southern Christians don’t want to think they’re evolved from Animals! It reminds them too much of of their current Primitive condition!
Unfortunately, for hard core Christian right wingers, the Existence of Southern Redneck Fossil Teeth is Proof of Evolution staring us in the face, right from the Hillbillies mouth! The “Missing Fossil Record”, that will prove the existence of a new species, the “Toothless Southerner”.
“White Southern Education” (God, I hesitate to even use the term), and White Southern upbringing, has always been a little shaky, with regards to Toothbrushes, Progress, and Human Rights. What’s that you say? Niggers don’t count as Humans, with “Rats”? Oh, right, that forgives all those God Fearin’ Southern White “Christian” Slave Owners! That let’s ‘em all off the hook, and puts ‘em right back at the Top of “Mighty Christian White of You” Status!
But back to fuzzy redneck teeth. A 6 oz. tube of tooth paste at Walmart is One fuckin’ dollar, ONE DOLLAR! Oh shit, I forgot, that’s a Lottery Ticket! How could I forget the Gamblin’? Another one of them Holy Redneck Christian Family Values!
Mind Boggler!
But the real mind boggler is, since rednecks Can’t Afford Health Care anyway, in their low wage “Right to Work For Peanuts” State, why the fuck are they so “Agin It”? (That's southern talk for "against it")
Does it all come down to the Hot Sun, Dehydration and Heat Stroke, that causes such low level, deranged, Poor Quality Thinking? Is the “Southern Fried Brain”, just another cause of Poor Health, mistake prone thinking, and bad family values?
Or is Bad Southern Behavior just due to inbred, hand me down, Low Genetic Brainpower?
Lotsa Musclepower, but Slow on the Mental Go!
Maybe the Southern Mind is like a Southern NASCAR “moonshine runner” car, with lotsa Horsepower, but not a lot of Mental power behind the wheel. It’s like the torque curve, and the horsepower curve, for a big V8 car engine. The Southern Mind has a lot of Low End Muscle power, but not a lot of Intellectual power at the Top End! Gobs of Muscle downstairs, but No Head on top! Ver-ROOM! Watch that sucker go! Oops! Ain’t nobody steering!
I guess it’s just an unfortunate trade-off, in the Evolutionary Biology Game. When you come Out of the Swamp, you get smart, and evolve. Stay back in the swamp, and you stay, “Traditionally Stupid”, and unevolved.
Damn! Am I beatin’ on the “Dumb Southerner Stereotype”? Shit! We All Know THAT doesn’t exist anymore! Right?
“Go marry your Cousin! And get out of my face, you Intellectual Pinhead, FAGGOT SCIENCE, JEW BOY!! I don’t need your LEEBERAL, Yankee Fuckhead, Citified, Sissified, SCHOOLIN’!”
“And as far as I’m concerned, you can burn all your God Damned Books, except the BIBLE, which is the ONLY Book worth reading! You hear me, BOY?”
“And you can Burn that phoney “Moose Limb” bible, the ‘Co-Ran’, where Co stands for Commie, and burn that fake, unfinished, Jew “bible”, cuz the ONLY WAY you’re going to Heaven, Boy, is if you believe in JESUS!”
“And Frankly, I’m personally GLAD we done killed all the Native Mercan Indians, and enslaved them NIGGERS, cuz if that’s what it took to make this “THE GREAT CHRISTIAN NATION” that we are TODAY, then God Damn it, we should all go out, and Hate, Discriminate, and Murder some More! God Damn it all, that’s THE CHRISTIAN WAY! You Understand me BOY? DO YA?”
* * *
Do “These People”, Southerners that is, ever really Think? Or do they just “React”, like Gators gettin’ poked with a Stick, in a Dark Swamp?
Are they really this dumb down here, or is it just that there are fewer people, so the dumb ones just stick out more?
This Liberal wants to know.
Let’s ask a Republican Political Strategist, and a Right Wing Econo-Mist about this, they’re good at Theories, and let’s ask a Preacher Sex Offender! Especially about the “Theory that Financial Markets Work Best Without Rules!” Otherwise known as, “why let a good Spanking, get in the way of Molesting and Fucking everybody, in the whole Economy, or in the Congregation?”
Yes indeedy! Now, were you a Bad girl, or a Good girl today? You know I had to Sneak that in!
OH, YES! You Bad Boy! SNEAK IT RIGHT IN! Ohhh, Yesss! Now sneak it back out! IN! Now, OUT! Now MAKE CIRCLES! Faster! More Circles! There! Right there at that Spot! Don’t STOP! Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Now Eat it with that Big, Slurpy Tongue of yours! Oh, you little Wolf! Eat it, Wolf Boy! My little WOLFY! Slurp Your Hot Mama! I’m your Wet Slurpy Pie! Oh, my god, you make me WAG MY HOT WET TAIL! And BARK, like the Good Little Doggy Girl I am! OH-WHOOOOO! Whoof! Whoof! Whoof!
Waggedy, waggedy, WAGGEDY! Yip! Yip!
Oh, Mama’s been BAD!
You’re a Good Boy! Mama Loves You when you get all Slurpy!!
* * *
Republican Redneck Healthcare: The “Jesus Plan”.
Question: Just what is, “Republican Redneck Healthcare”?
Answer: Put your hand on the Bible, get down on your knees, and Pray as Hard as you can to Jesus, God, and the Holy Rollin' Ghost, that you Never, Ever get Sick!
(Ba-boom! Cymbal crash!) Take my Life, please!
Okay…let’s try another one!
Question: What is a “Redneck, Libertarian, Personal Responsibility Healthcare Plan”?
Answer: A canvas bag, with a bone saw, hammer and nails, a pair of pliers, and a jug of whiskey. Also comes with a rope to tie you down, a baseball bat to knock you out, or put you Permanently out of your Misery, and a Silver Dollar for the Undertaker!
For this Last Step in this Redneck Libertarian Healthcare Plan, known as the "Should We Pull the Plug" Death Panel Option, a small, All Volunteer, Anti-Tax, Limited Gubmint, Home Schooled, Christian Freedom, Militia Patriot “Eternal Life Panel”, is required.
This illustrious, self-reliant panel, is made up of the following people: A.) Sparky, the slightly slow, local high school football Coach. B.) Your 83 year-old deaf, partially blind, Spinster Aunt Tillie. C.) Elbert, the manager of the local Goodyear Tire Store, and Captain of the local Anti-Tax, Volunteer Militia, Armageddon Movement. D.) Preacher Viler Styles, fresh back from Alcohol Rehab and Sex Offender School, and father of several local out of wedlock chillun, both black, white and Asian.
This Eternal Life, Price Discrimination, Health Care Ration Panel, begins its Thoughtful, Inscrutable Word of God Analysis, in the waiting room of the tire store. Sparky puts down his ever present Blessed Touchdown Football, and Preacher Styles carefully puts the cap back on his Silver "Blood of Jesus" Flask. Several throats are cleared, and a few chairs squeak.
“Let the meetin’ Commence.”
“Amen.”
“Here, here!”
“As President of this here All Volunteer Militia, Patriot Health Care, Christian Citizen, Eternal Life Panel, I’ll start first!”
"Uh-hmm. The Patient, Virgil, well, he ain’t lookin’ too good."
"Nope."
"We should probably call the Veterinarian."
"Yep."
"He wouldn't want to live like this."
"Nope."
"He'd want us to put him out of his Misery."
"Yep."
"He sure ain't looking too good.".
"Nope."
"Should we take a Vote?"
"Yep."
"Okay by me".
"I’m square with that!"
"Yep."
“WHO’S there? Elbert? IS THAT YOU? What are we doing here?”
"Don't worry, Aunt Tillie, it's all taken care of!"
"Are you sure everything’s fine, ELBERT?”
"YES! Don’t Worry!"
“That’s a Good Boy, Elbert! Whuf...wha...Why aren't you in School, for Pete’s Sake? Your mother isn’t going to like this at all! You’re gonna get in big trouble with the Principal! You’re gonna have to stay after for Detention! You always were a bad boy Elbert! Why, I remember the time you put a dead beetle in my tea!”
* * *
The Small Minds of Small Town People, Under the Mythical Halo of “Small Town Values”. And the Original, Unregulated, Anything Goes, “Free” Market for Slaves!
But the Question Remains.
How did small town Racists, from the Rural American South, with very limited education, a couple of chipped teeth, and a very Narrow view of the world, become the “Shining Example” of all that's supposedly “Good” with American Values?
Was it the small town, after dinner “Lynching Parties”, with happy, likkered up, White Lynch Mobs, known for their “Genteel Southern Hospitality” towards Blacks?
“Hey, Nigger Boy! Let’s go Swing from a Tree for a while, you’ll like the View!”
Or was it the buying, selling, whipping, and general all around mistreating, of other Human Beings, who just happened to be a different color? The “Owning of People”, as Slaves, Property, and Beasts of Burden? As Animals to Serve the White Christian Man? The Better to Serve Jesus with, My Dear! The Better to Serve GOD! Hallelujah!
"Hey, Slave Boy! Fetch me that fresh Cotton, will you please, and I will spare you a good whippin, cuz I have Jesus in my Heart!"
Or was it Southern Baptist preachers, telling their flock it was God's Will, to own people?
"Yas suh! Them Niggers is God’s Chillun, and we Gots to take Keer of 'em!"
This Liberal wants to know.
Southerners: Traitors to the Union! They Betrayed Our Country, and Started Our American Civil War!
Was it Rebelling, and becoming Traitors to America and the Union, and causing a Bloody Civil War that elevated Southern Family Values? Is this where that “Southern Patriotism” thing started? Or is it just their Hot headed, and Blind Urge, to solve everything with Violence? Heat, and dehydration, can make a man do strange things, and thinking clearly, is definitely not one of them.
Or was it preventing, oh excuse me, “making it incredibly hard for black people to vote for 100 years after the War”, that Southerners get to Claim the High Moral Ground, on God, Country and Democratic Values?
This Yankee Abolitionist Liberal, would like to know.
Plantation Justice.
Was it “Free Market” Plantation Economics, that justify today's Southern anti-union behavior, and management mistreatment of Labor? Is that where Southerners get their Rules of Fair Play, that whole “Southern Gentleman” thing?
Or was it the All White Juries, where Nigger Boy never had a chance, and the General Store got to sell a lot of Rope to the Town Folk?
This bleedin' heart, do-gooder, Northern Yankee “leeberal”, wants to know.
Was Jesus a “Nigger Lover?” Real Southerners Don’t Want to Know!
Was it the KKK “Taliban”, the local vigilante, all volunteer, militia police force, ridin' in the night and burnin' down the nigger's shack or the nigger lover's barn, that showed the Power of Jesus in the White Man’s Heart?
(Nigger Lover - a whitey who liked black people, or who took the “nigger side” on an issue. This is different from Colonel Plantation, who was only occasionally a nigger lover, when he fucked one of his nigger slave chicks on the side, and plopped out a blue eyed, light skinned House Boy, to better serve supper with, and clean the Silverware, on the Southern Plantation.)
Or was it the White Supremacy Code, embedded in the state and local laws, and in the Social Fabric, side by side with the Lord's Prayer, the Ten Commandments, and the Statue of Jesus and General Lee, on the neatly mowed Courthouse lawn, that gave the impression they were all doing God’s Work? Just a hop, step, and a skip away, from the cool Shade of the lynch mob, hanging Tree?
This progressive liberal, who believes in the Constitutional Separation of Church and State, wants to know.
Separate, but “Equal” Schools. Trust Me! They Were Equal! Just a Little Short on Pencils and Teachers! And Short on Love, and the Equality of Humans!
Was it the "separate but equal" schools, where whites got books, buildings and teachers, and blacks got benches, shacks and busted pencils? Or was it finally repealing the state laws that said YOU WEREN’T ALLOWED TO TEACH NIGGERS TO READ?
Or was it that Famous “Southern Hospitality” we always hear about, towards Niggers, Queers, Jews, Outside Agitators, City Slicker Northern Jew Boy Lawyers, and any uppity teenage Nigger boy, that might whistle at a white woman, and get Hung for it, like fruit from a tree?
Or was it Good Old Southern, sturdy and consistent, Holier-than-thou Church goin’, where they sang and Praised God and the Holy Ghost, while a Nigger hung outside from a tree, like soap on a Rope? Or, after singing and prayin, they went home to WHIP their slave , for sassin’ his Massa?
This Human Secular, Progressive Reformist “LEEBERAL”, wants to know. You hear me, Southern BOY?
If You Flunk the Golden Rule, Take a “Born Again” Dunk, and Then You Get a Fresh Start, to Sin All Over Again!
Was it the moonshine makin’, likker drinkin', wife cheatin', child molestin', and first cousin, incestous marriage makin’, that gets Southern Rednecks closer to God?
Or is it all that Southern Born Again Crap, with the Constant Baptizing in the Streams, cuz it's hot in the South, and the church just happens to be next door to the River?
"I’m Born Again, how about you? I'm Holier than you, cuz I'm doin' a Regular Dunk in the Holy River Water of Jesus! I‘m Fainting, cuz it‘s Hot! Let’s go Jump in the River! Sermon AND a SWIM! Come on Down! Two services for the price of one! Wear your good underwear!"
You can bet Yankees would be doin' a whole lot of dunkin’ too, if the water Up North weren't ice cold, and shriveled your balls up like a little Lemon. And you didn’t have to chop a hole in the ice first! And when you sat down you froze your ass and your balls to the ice while you were tryin’ to slip in the water. That stuff about your tongue sticking to ice cold metal? Try it with your balls and your dick! “Oh, there’s Johnny, stuck to the Pond! Ain’t he Cute! Why’s he screaming in Pain?”
Was Jesus’ Church a “Whites Only” Church?
Are Southern Women more Godly? Do they "turn the other cheek", just like Jesus, and say in Honey Tones, "Well, ahh don't worry mah pertty leetle head about Worldly Things like thaat! I just turn my purty head the other way and don’t look! I let my Husband handle all Those Worldly Things, so I can concentrate on takin' keer of mah Family! So I just believe what the Preacher Man tells me! And that's why I hate Niggers, Fags, and Jews and Socialist Health Care for Everybody!”
“Why, Jesus never said heal the sick with Big Gubmint Socialism, and give free health care to the niggers, taking it out of my tax dollars, giving them niggers another free ride, leaving me with less money, and then I’ll lose my job, because the Poor Giant Corporations will have to lay off people, because the Big Deficit Tar Baby will make Taxes go up, and the Rich shouldn’t have to pay anymore than the little they already pay!”
Or maybe it was all those wonderfully blunt, kind and loving “Whites Only” signs, that Sprouted like beautiful wild flowers, all over the Wonderful, Gentle South for 100 years? “Whites Only Restaurant”, “Whites Only Water Fountain”, “Niggers Not Welcome!” “Whites Only Church, but hey, we LOVE YOU, JESUS!” “I’m Born Again! How about You? Whites Only!” And “Back of the Bus for You, Jiga bunny Voodoo Chile!”
This Liberal wants to know.
Cruel and Stupid: Cloaked in the Sins of the Past, Present, and Future! Stupid is as Stupid Does. Run, Forrest, Run! The Racists are Right Behind Ya!
When a White Trash Redneck Fool from the South, starts saying he's “The Original American Patriot”, with a lock on God, Country and Family Values, I just gotta laugh.
Why? Cuz this is like a Slutty, Venereal Diseased, Trailer Trash Whore, wearin’ Pure Virgin White, on her Wedding Day. You catch my drift?
(Note: In the old days, if you weren’t a Virgin, an “Untouched Pure Virgin Pussy”, you didn’t get to wear Pure White, on your wedding day, you had to wear something other than Pure White. Like a slutty off-white, or a “damaged goods” custard beige, or egg yolk "whore" cream, or maybe a nice Scarlet Red, with embroidered lettering, around an "A" neck line, with a sign spelling out “Whore” in bright red letters.)
So, while you’re standing there, Southern Man, in your Sin Stained, Ridiculous Pure White Wedding Dress, claiming you’re the “Queen of Family Values”, I will have to Slap your Stupid Face, with my Yankee Liberal Gentleman’s Glove, and say, "You Sir, are a man without Honor! And not only that, but you look really stupid in that dress, you intolerant little pissant Queer!”
“And why do you look so stupid? Why do you look like the Phoney Queen of the Hypocrites Ball? Cuz you’re just taking WAY TOO LONG to catch on, about How to Treat People Fairly in Life. And while we’re discussing how to treat people, just who the FUCK do you think you are? You sir, are the Expert at Mistreating Your Own Family, mistreating your own Women Folk, and killing Your Fellow American Citizens! Do ya know whut I’m sayin, huh, Country Boy?”
“Because this YANKEE LIBERAL, from the part of the Nation that beat your Evil Devil Ass in the Civil War, WANTS TO KNOW!”
“You, Sir, are the Total Exact Opposite of ALL that America has been striving for! I’ll say it real SLOW, so your little pea brain will catch on! It's Justice, Equality, and Freedom for ALL, not just for hate filled, uneducated white fools from the South, like you. Got it, Goober?”
“Think about it, and now try not to be Cruel and Stupid, like you been doin’, for the past 200 years.”
“Do ya think you can handle that, or is it just too much for your Southern Fried, redneck, Lizard Brain, to Handle?”
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Grand Wizard of the Yankee Holy Riders, of the Progressive Liberal “Liberty for All” Clan!
With a Heart and Mind Forged in the Icy Cold Waters of Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, a Birthplace of American Freedom, and The Northern State Where the South Finally Got Its Ass Whipped, with a Near Fatal Death Blow, at Gettysburg!
Where Bleedin’ Heart, Big GubMint “Union Yankee, Liberal Progressive, Do-Gooder Reformers”, Finally Prevailed Over the “Evil Family Values” of the Rebel Traitors from the South, and Their Devil Worshipping, Slave Owning, Corporate Plantation Empire!
You Goobers wouldn't know what Patriotism, God, and Family Values were about if they fell out of the Sky, and hit you on the head like a Brick! Just look at your track record!
Good Lord, you’ve had about 3 Centuries of being on the WRONG SIDE of History! Watch the screen! YOU guys are the BAD Guys in the history books, when it comes to Slavery, Violence and killing in the name of the Lord! It’s bad enough we ALL killed the Native American Indians, but good God, you guys have pretty much made a Career out of hatin’ and Killin’ EVERYBODY!
“Kill the fag, kill the nigger, kill the Jew, kill the Union Boys in blue! If it ain’t white, and if it don’t believe in Jesus, hang it, burn it, or shoot it!” That’s your motto! Written on the first page of your “Christian” Bible!
And you are Always, always, standing in the symbolic “Schoolhouse Doorway”, blocking the Road to Progress and a Better Future, and SLOW to catch on!! Yes sir, you’re Batting about 95 percent, On the Wrong Side of History!
Take that to your "church" on Sunday. And Pray that God has Mercy on your Hate filled, Hell Fired, Southern Fried Sinner Soul. No wonder you're always dunkin' in the Baptize River! You're just burnin' up from your sins, and your hate filled thoughts! It's amazing your clothes don't just catch fire, and your "churches" just burst into Flames, from all the Sinful Kindling your thoughts provide!
Pause for Reflection, and Prayer, because you really need it.
And don’t look at me for YOUR FAULTS! I’m not the Preacher of the One Way for All, Universal Mandatory, One Way Dictator Church, that’s been giving you all this fucked up “guidance” for all these years! I’m not responsible for all your Sins, for all the fucked up thinking in YOUR World, YOU, and your preachers are responsible for your hate filled intolerant thinking!
Your Minds are filled with so much Hate, like Witches and Demons stirring a Bubbling Cooking Pot, and yet you’re Clueless, Confused and BLIND, because you think you’re cooking a Big Pot of LOVE, filled to the Brim, with the LOVE of GOD!
You don’t even know what the word LOVE means anymore.
You’re all mixed up, and confused with HATE, and now you can’t tell the difference between Love and Hate.
You have actually reached the point where you think HATE equals LOVE!
You don’t know how to love anymore, in your Rigid Attempt to Force everyone, to think, to Believe, Exactly as you do.
And if you can’t get everybody to believe Exactly as you do? What do you do?
You get Mad!
YOU GET SO MAD, YOU ARE WILLING TO KILL THEM, FOR NOT BELIEVING WHAT YOU BELIEVE!
If they LOOK DIFFERENT, or THINK DIFFERENTLY, YOU ARE WILLING TO KILL THEM.
WHERE DID GOD SAY THAT?
KILL THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE DIFFERENT??
How can you say you love god, and then kill people, because they are Different?
This Liberal wants to know.
* * *
Copyright © 2010, by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Y’all come back now! Cuz I got Jesus in my heart! And he certainly ain’t in yours!
Because I love people!
You hate them!
That’s the difference!
It’s as simple as that.
Now, if I can only get that Dumb Nigger Boy drivin’ by to turn down his BOOM BOOM Car Radio. Damn! Them walls is rattlin’ again! Shit! Ain’t he deaf yet? Come on Lord, hurry up and Strike that Dumb Nigger Boy Deaf, with his Stupid “music”, so I can get me some Sleep!
Whatever happened to Motown?
I thinks it done turned into Notown!
BOOM BOOM BOOOM, every time dee fuckin’ wheels go ‘roun!
See, that’s Progress! Fifty years ago the southern Sheriff would of Hung the black boy from a tree, for disturbin the peace with the boom boom “music”.
Now, Black boy got freedom, but now he too stupid to know he disturbin’ the peace, and is listenin to shitty retarded “music” as well.
One step forward, two steps back.
It’s like Martin Luther King said, we shouldn’t settle for the “Tranquilizing Drug of Gradualism!” Even in rap “music”.
* * *
Holy shit! There’s something loose in my Mental Clock!
Fix that clock!
I think the only way we can fix the Future, is if we go back in time, to the Bad Old Past!
Yep! The Old Way is ALWAYS better than the New Way!
What the fuck is the matter with this here Clock?
I can’t tell what Time it is!
How can we tell when the Future arrives, if we don’t know when the Past is Gone?
This Liberal wants to know!
How the fuck do ya set this Alarm thing?
I gotta get me some sleep, before I wake up the whole Nation, with my Boom Boom “Music”! What the fuck doo dat White Boy know about Rap “music” anyway? Shit, there ain’t nuthin To Know about rippity rap “music”, cuz der ain’t NO MUSIC THERE!
All you need is a marching band bass drum, and then you record a wino spouting bad poetry in a monotone, while he holds onto his Penis, to remind hisself he’s still a “Man”, and his dick is still there!
Either that, or he’s really gotta pee, and he’s tryin to hold it a littler longer, until he can find an alleyway to piss in!
Yas suh! I still got my dick! White Man can’t take that away from me! No suh! I got my dick, and I ain’t gibbin dat up! No way, no how, NO SUH! My dick is my ticket to Ride!
* * *
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)