Music, Monopoly,and Democracy. It's Your Life.

3 Piece Thought McNugget, with Extra Pause.
Irritated, But Not Sure Why.


[At the Mental Drive-in, at the Mental Order Window, staring at the colorful mental pictures on the Thought Menu, at either “Burger Think!”, “McDoubts Y’All?”, “KFC-Kentucky Fried Concept!”, “Wonders!”, "Thoughtful Bell", “Piece 'a Whut?”, and the reformed, more racially sensitive "Denials"]

“May I take your Order, Please?”, asked the Burger girl in her burger bungle hat.

“I’ll have a 3 Piece Thought McNugget, with extra pause.”

“Would you like a Mental Shake, and French Lies with that?”, chewing her gum thoughtfully.

“No, I’m on a Thought Diet. I want to be Mentally Slim for Summer. If I get too thoughtful, I might be unattractive. I want to make sure my thoughts fit in.”

“Do you want sweet and sour thought sauce, or mild thought sauce?”, she asked, with a determined stare.

“Sweet and sour.”

“Do you want the Happy Meal, or the Sad Meal?”, this time with a look of sincere concern.

“Do you have any Angry Meals?”.

“No, we’re all out of those. We had a big run on them this morning. But we have a substitute meal called, ‘Irritated, but Not Sure Why.’”

“I’ll take two.”

“Pull up to the window, that’ll be 400 dollars.”

“What? 400 dollars? You’re kidding!”

“No, I’m serious. It’s all due to the rising cost of Mental Health Food Insurance. We are a “fast food for thought” restaurant, with very quick service, you know! Not only do we fully cook our thought burgers, so you won’t get any “franchise acquired” thought infections, we also guarantee that our prices won’t go up more than 20 percent a year!”

“And what’s important to remember, is you can always get an appointment quickly, even if your total appointment time with our food physician, or our meal dispensary technician, never lasts longer than 10 to 15 minutes! Our mental food physicians are highly skilled in diagnosing, or misdiagnosing, your mental food problems in the shortest, and most profitable period of time!

And it’s also important to remember that you could always get an appointment, even if you can’t afford the appointment, in which case, we’ll help you sell your house! Besides, 400 dollars is only the price of one month of insurance coverage! It’s a steal!”

“Where’s my Change?”

“There is no change, unless you’re prepared to become politically involved, and that’s too hard. Change involves thinking, and thinking is hard, especially if you’re stupid.”

“Oh”.

As Scooter sat in his car, the engine humming, he opened the Thought McNugget Box, and the Aroma of Three Fresh Thoughts floated upward! Hmm! What would they be this time?

He took a bite, and the first thought exploded inside his brain with a flash! It said, “Can you have True Democracy, if Lobbyists control your Congressmen and Senators, as if they were Domestic House Pets?” Then the thought immediately went away.

Scooter picked up the second thought McNugget, and popped it into his eagerly waiting mouth. There was a pause, and then an emerald green flash. The thought appeared through the colorful flavor, and it said, “Can you truly have a Free Press, when just a few Giant Corporations control all of the newspapers and magazines, and all of the TV and radio stations?” Then the thought disappeared!

He quickly picked up the third Thought McNugget, and wolfed it down. There was a rumble, and then Bang! The thought jingle-jangled through the empty, but cluttered, office corridors of his bear trap mind! It said, “Can you have true music competition, when just a few powerful entertainment corporations control the music that gets selected, and played?” The thought slowly faded…

Then Scooter heard a little Voice inside his head, kind of echoey and ghostly, like in the movies when they want you to know you’re hearing the actor’s thoughts. It said, “They don’t want you to know the answers to these questions, Scooter, My Little Friend!” But why? And then it came to him. The better to eat you with my dear. I’m Little Red Riding Hood, and they’re the Big Bad Wolf! The more they keep me in the dark, the less I know, the easier it is for them to eat me!

And then the Voice said, “Now run, run all the way home to Grandma’s house, because we’re gonna eat her too! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!”

Scooter folded up the paper Thought Box, and threw it on the floor of the car. He started the engine, and drove out of the parking lot, and headed home to grandma’s house. He was irritated, that’s for sure, but not sure why, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He turned on the radio, but didn’t hear anything he liked, so he snapped it off. And then, as he drove off into the late afternoon golden sunset, for some strange reason, he felt that there had to be a Policy Solution, to the questions the Thought Food had put in his mind.

As the sun began to fade, he was briefly silhouetted against the window and the sky, and he looked sorta like that Native American Indian, Chief What’s-His-Name, in the TV commercial years ago, with a tear rolling down one eye, as thoughtless people littered, and threw trash out on the land, and never gave a thought, to the negative effects of their crime. Chief Who’sa Whatsie, with all the trash blowing across the beautiful land.

Then the sun faded completely, the sky went black, and Scooter had to snap on his headlights, and try to find his way home, in the cold, the dark, and the damp.


Signed,
Scooter (Little Crazy Squirrel)

Copyright © 2007. by Bernard Drums!
All Rights Reserved, including the right to think about my weeny whenever I want!