Top Reasons Republicans Will Use to Convince Whites Not to Vote for Obama

1. Your kids will be forced to sell crack at the school bus stop.

2. Scary black men will invade your home and hump your wife, forcing you to watch. Later, your wife will divorce you, saying "Once you go black, you never go back."

3. Barack Obama will inseminate (screw) your daughter, forcing you to raise a Black Love Child, who will grow up wanting to be a rapper.

4. All your kids, your wife, and your grandparents, will begin wearing sideways baseball hats.

5. You will begin to find dreadlocks attractive.

6. Your rabbi, or preacher, will wear a wall clock, instead of a cross, or star.

7. The entire country will forget how to tie their shoes in rebellion against the white man, and trip-and-fall insurance claims will skyrocket, bankrupting the financial system.

8. While reading in bed at nite,your horny wife will say to you, "What's zup?". You will reply, "Word up!"

9. Rap "music" will replace Muzak in elevators across the nation, causing everyone in the elevator to "booty dance".

10. Potato chips, soda pop, and candy will become the "new nutrition" at all 3 family meals and school lunches.

11. All verbs, except the verb "be", will disappear, and Ebonics will be changed to "Be-onics".

12. Ebonics will become the official language of America, including Mexico, Canada, and China.

13. English grammar teachers will commit suicide in record numbers.

14. People will no longer be allowed to use the letter "s" to distinguish between one cent or fifty cent. Mass confusion will result, causing banks to fail.

15. All white males will be forced to stand on the corner one hour per day, holding their cock with one hand, and a juice box in the other.

16. All white males, especially Asians, will be made to feel inferior, when told the size of Barack Obama's penis. Asians and whites will immediately buy the largest car they can find, to compensate.

17. Booty dancing will replace square dancing in school gym classes.

18. The White House will be "redecorated" with gang grafitti.

19. The First Lady will dye half her hair creamy blonde, and the other half bright strawberry red, and wear tight pants that say "Juicy" across her butt.

20. The President will deliver all speeches with one hand on the podium, and the other on his cock.

21. The traditional Secret Service code name, "Potus", for "President of the United States", will be changed to "Rufus", for "Robber, unreliable, fornicating, unskilled slave".

22. All tough questions at Presidential press conferences will be answered by soft shoe tap dancing.

23. The song "Hail to the Chief", will be changed to Al Jolson's "Mammy", or, the jazz tune, "Watermelon Man", by Clark Terry.

24. The one token white Cabinet member will be forced to wear "black face" makeup, and play a banjo at cabinet meetings.

25. Easy questions at press conferences will be answered by rap "poems", and a bass drum.

26. The White House sign behind the President during speeches will be changed to "Uncle Tom's Cabin".

27. The Presidential Seal will be changed to an Oreo Cookie.

28. The President's title will be changed to "Plantation Master", and tne vice prez to "Master Overseer".

29. The "N-word" will officially become the "N-word". People in the future will not know what the n-word stands for, and only rappers will know.

30. Desert at presidential dinners will be Oreos, and only Oreos.

31. All White House i.d. cards worn around the neck will get tiny gold chain license plate frames, symbolizing the black man's former existence as a "chained people".

32. Ye Olde "House" Gift Shoppe, will begin selling crack, condoms, and prison fashions, with "Property of Da House" printed on them, and a prominent "Obama" label.

33. The title of First Lady will be changed to "First Bitch", "First Slave Bitch Ho", or just, "First Ho".

34. The president will be announced as "YO, Word up! Here be da Prez-dent!"

35. White Secret Service agents will be forced to run behind the President's limo, and sing "I've been workin' on dee chain gang". Black agents will ride on the bumper, and play banjo.

36. Condoleeza Rice will be fired, and replaced by a black chick with a bigger and better ass.

37. The Black Music Industry will air a spinoff of "American Idol", called "The Biggest Ass in America Contest". No singing will be required. The "band" will be a Yamaha Drum Machine, and a guy on a "scritchy-scratchy" turntable.

38. The President will ban psychological torture of prisoners of war, and the Army will no longer be allowed to yell "Your Mama!" at Muslim terrorists. However, if a Muslim terrorist insults a Christian or Jew by calling him an "Unbeliever", the terrorist will be forced to listen to rap "music" 24 hours a day. The Swiss Red Cross protested that this would be cruel and inhumane treatment.

39. Presidential misstatements, backpedaling, or spinning, will be accompanied by a turn-tabler going "scritchy-scratchy, scritchy-scratchy", backing the presidential "record" up or down as necessary.

40.The White House Guard Hut will become a drive-thru burger window called, "McWhiteys".

41. The White House Honor Guard will stop using cannons and rifles, and switch to boomboxes and drum machines. The 21 gun salute will become the 21 Boom Salute.

42. White House Guards will be replaced with Jamaican reggae dudes in giant puffy purple hats, and dreadlocks made of gold spray-painted mops. When the First Lady passes by, they will salute her, and sing "I don't want to wait in vain for your love", by Bob Marley.

43. When people wonder why Barack Obama's wife looks so familiar, it's because she's that bitchy wife on the "Cosby Show".

44. The presidents limo will be heard a mile away during parades, going "Boom-boom-boom", and bouncing up and down on electric Low Rider shock absorbers. It will vibrate so hard from the sub-woofers it will briefly disappear during each bass drum beat. Women inside the limo will stagger out afterwards and say "Wow! That was better than my vibrator! and, "That was the first time I've had multiple orgasms!" (Mainly, uptight white chicks will say this...) The limo license plate will say, "Oh!Boom!Ahh!"

45. The White House "house" band will be fired, and replaced with a Yamaha Drum Machine to lower record company production costs, and a homeless wino spouting rap "poetry" thru a karaoke microphone will become the new White House Label "Artist".

46. The Marine Corps Band will throw out its instruments, and play only bass drums. The band will learn only one song, "The Boom Boom March", by P.Funk Souza, a.k.a. "Souza".

47. Instead of Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa, Christmas and Hanukah will be banned, and replaced with "Kwanhanamas".

48. The "Black Love Child" that John McCain had in the 2000 South Carolina Republican Primary, will show up on your doorstep, claiming you are the father, or mother.

49. Rich poolside Republicans, and dumb white crackers working outside, will tan themselves so much, they will become Negroes.

50. The Confederate Flag will be banned in the South, because it reminds people of the Horrible Chains of Black Slavery, and is in Bad Taste. However, the wearing of large gold and silver neck chains by black men will be encouraged, because it reminds people to be Slaves to Fashion, and have Bad Taste.


Signed,
Faint Bernard

Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums! All right reserved, incuding the right to be a stick out hair boo-boo bear!