Are You Sure?

Freedom, Justice, Equality for All. Lather, rinse, repeat. Write it on the blackboard 1,000 times. Repeat after me, and read my lips. Tattoo it on your forehead, and look in the mirror regularly. Say it everyday when you get up. Freedom, Justice, Equality for ALL.

What is it about that, Southern Fried Goober Man, that you don’t get? How many Centuries is it gonna take you, to catch up, to the rest of America? Or are you just gonna try and live, in the Bad, Old, Past?

Run, Forrest, Run! The Future is Coming!

But…but…but, I don’t want it to come!

No buts!

But the Future has it all Wrong! It’s the opposite of Everything I ever Believed in!

Everything the Future has brought has made things WORSE! Progress has Screwed Everything Up!

We have to go back to the Bad, Old Past!

Wait, now I’m Confused! Hold on a second while I think about this! This is a lot more confusing than I thought!

Wait! The Republicans said it was Real Simple, and all I had to do was Vote for them!

Are You Sure?

Are you sure Niggers are Inferior?

Are you sure Gays choose to be gay, and aren’t born that way?

Are you sure women are not as Smart as men, and should stay Home and Not Vote? Are you sure you want to keep women barefoot, married and pregnant, and Under your Thumb, and not let them have alternate ways to Survive and Contribute to Society?

Are you sure an “unregulated market with no rules”, and little enforcement of existing rules, is the best way to keep Giant Corporations Honest, people Employed, and their money Safe?

Are you sure a Tax Cut for Rich People, solves Everything, and truly “unleashes the Power of Capitalism”, or does it just make rich people richer?

Are you sure you are getting the Real Truth, and the Whole Truth, from the Corporate Controlled TV News?

Did you even know that Monopoly Style Corporations now control all the major news outlets, shaping the “Truth” you see, deciding what to tell you, or Not tell you, on the “news“?

Who Can You Trust?

Are you sure your Senator and Congressman are helping You, or are they really just listening to the Corporate Lobbyists, and letting them Screw you?

Are you sure you can trust Big Businessmen, to NOT give you the Short end of the stick?

Are you sure that Big Insurance Companies, give you the “best” Health Care, at the “best” price?

Are you sure Insurance Companies aren’t ALREADY a “Big Corporate Bureaucracy”, intruding into your life, and telling you what to do?

Are you sure Insurance Companies aren’t Trying to Deny you health services, so they can save a Buck and make a Bigger Profit?

Are you sure you will Always have a Job, and be able to get Healthcare from the Job?

Do you think you are just “too valuable” to be fired, and “too good” not to be quickly Rehired by somebody else, so you’ll always have Health Care through a job?

Or, could you actually Lose your job, and Lose your health care, Forever?

Have you ever thought this far ahead?

Forever? You Mean Like, Permanently? No Way, Dude!

Think about it. If you, or a family member, have a pre-existing condition, a new job might not hire you, because YOU and your family, will raise the group premium the company has to pay! They’ll hire the less expensive employee, applying for the job!

Think you’ll get Private Insurance? Think again Buckwheat! Private insurance companies will also not take you, with a pre-existing condition, and if they do, the premium will be Thousands of dollars out of your salary, even if you are “basically” healthy.

So, can you really Predict your future employment, your future health, and your future Coverage?

Have you ever even thought about all this? Have you connected the dots, four or five chess moves ahead?

Do you even care, as you look at your wife, and kiddies, across the breakfast table, as they munch on their Scrunchy Munchies? Hmm?

Are you really sure the Cold hearted “free market” is really gonna give a shit, a rat’s ass, a flyin’ fuck, about You and Your Twinky Fuck family, when push comes to Crunch Time? Huh, Mr. “Free Market Man”?

Try getting health care when nobody will Cover You! Or didn’t you think of that, Mr. Super Smart Master of the Universe! You might have to sell your House, dump the college education fund, and the retirement savings to Pay for the medical Bills!

And that blonde spoiled wife of yours, might not think you’re so great any more, and she’ll stop humping your stupid ass, and divorce you, for being a crappy Provider, now that you’ve had to move to a piece of shit Apartment, where you can hear your neighbors FART thru the Walls! And you’ll be left jerking your own dick, to relieve your job stress, ya stupid “unregulated free market” dick!

Big Corporate versus Big Gubmint!

Are you sure you want Corporations to run things? Corporations that screw you, intrude in your lives, tell you what to do, take money out of your pocket, and are almost impossible to change, and only care about Profit as their Prophet, and Not You?

Or would you rather deal with a government that isn’t Deliberately out to screw you? It may be less Efficient, but Not always, and it does take taxes out of your pocket, but YOU CAN FIX any problems that crop up, by a little thing called “Voting”. With corporations, they all do the same thing, and you’re stuck, and Fucked, and you can’t change them.

Are you really sure Rush Limbaugh is a reliable source of information and facts, since he works for a GIANT Corporation, and is paid tons of money to say what he says, all nice and secure with HIS health care, as a paid mouthpiece for BIG Corporate Money?

How Smart Are You?

Are you sure you really “have it all figured out”, with your high school level Brain Power, as you watch the world from your tiny little perch, in your tiny little tree, with your Big Plasma Screen TV?

Are you sure you are really Smart enough to understand and run the Whole World, with your blue collar high school education, where you got C’s, and didn’t pay a whole lot of attention in class, cuz you were bored, and college for you was a couple of courses you took in Welding or Food Management? And you think Rhode Island is actually an island, and not a state?

Are you sure you are thinking, as Hard as you can, about all these Confusing, Life Issues?

Or did you just come to a Quick, Simple, and Easy Answer, so you didn’t have to think anymore, because thinking is hard, and you wanted to get back to your Soap Opera, or your football game?

Are you sure your Logic and Facts are Correct?

Are you sure your Brain is smart enough, to really Figure it all out?

Or are you just Repeating what someone told you?

Thinking Can Be Harder, Than YOU Think!

Top quality thinking is Hard, Difficult, and Frustrating.

And you seem to think that “Thinking is Easy”! (Well, maybe it is for you, if your mind is not that powerful, or complicated, or capable!)

I’ll bet you think you’re Smarter than most people in the World, and that you’re highly qualified to analyze these Difficult World Life Issues! Am I right?

Come on, admit it, Mr. Super Hero!

I mean, YOU DID graduate at the tippy top of your class, didn’t you?

Or did you graduate, at all?

BUT you never really liked to study too much, did you, because studying was hard, and boring, and “just not your thing”, and besides, you were just “too smart” to need to study anyway! That was for the Nerds, Not YOU! You had better things to do, like polishing your car, or bouncing a ball, or shopping for the perfect top!

I mean, why bother studying all that dusty historical crap, or that complicated math shit, when you’re never gonna use it, or need it! Who needs that Shit! You’ve already got LIFE figured out anyway!

You see, Life is basically real Simple, right? You wax your car, play a little ball, and try to figure out how to feel up Becky Sue, or Tolafalofahsqueesha! And after you knock her up, and she traps you with a “Manhunting license”, you work your ass off the rest of your life to FEED HER. How am I doing so far?

Then you spend the first half of your married life trying to put your dick in her, and she spends the last half of your married life hoping and trying to help you get an erection. Quick, Honey, hop on, before it goes away!

Whoever thought that women would miss the Dick? They spend half their life trying to keep the dick out, and the next half trying to put it back in. Ain’t that just like a Woman? Should I drive the pink Mercedes, or the red one? I just can’t make up my mind!

Thinking! Who needs that? That’s just not your cool, hip, cut to the chase Style! Besides, you usually figure it all out in a Flash anyhow, so no sense wasting any more time on thinking than necessary, huh, Bub?

Yeah, Pal, you got all the Answers, in your tiny little head.

Bottom Line It!

So, in other words, you’re this Not So Clever Guy, with Not a Lot of Brainpower, who Didn’t Like to Study very much, was Bored by Learning, Didn’t Get good Grades, and Maybe graduated, at most, from High school, and now you’ve got the World, the Universe, AND Government, “all figured out”, and YOU Know ALL the Answers to Running things?

Simple, EASY ANSWERS, that you’ve “worked out” in Your Head, in your Super Brain, with Clockwork Mathematical Precision, like “banish the government, kill the gays, and bomb somebody?” Or “give more money to corporations, and rich people, and then get rid of all the Rules and regulations, so rich people can go NUTS in fucking the middle and working class?”

Or how about “dumping all the Toxic Shit in the air and ocean, because global warming will take care of itself,” and besides “I don’t eat much mercury poisoned Tuna Fish anyway, and besides, we all gotta die of something anyway, so it might as well be a Tuna Fish Sandwich?”

“And besides, Buckaroo, I keep my sidewalk scrupulously clean, my driveway leaf free, using gas powered, high pollution, cheap illegal, Mexican leaf blowers, and I keep my lawn perfectly GREEN, in a Fucking Waterless Desert, and that’s MY contribution to a Clean Planet! Okay? I’m doing My Part, Pal, and don’t you Forget it! Ya dick weed! I even bought a slightly smaller Splurt U-tool-ity Vee-hick-ool!”

“And I like the sound of a back yard Oil Well banging away in my neighborhood, it helps me sleep at night, and improves the air quality, by making it Thicker! Tar balls on my driveway? No sweat! Shit, that’s just Nature at Work! Just part of the Cost of Doing business! Right on, Business Partner, slap me five!”

“And when your kid gets some Weird Mutated Disease, with a flipper growing out of his eyeball, I’ll say Thank the Lord we didn’t do stem cell research, and you should just pray harder to Jesus to cure your kid! Starting now! Drop and give me Five, Soldier, you’re now one of God’s Marines!”

“And if you can’t afford the medical bills, I’ll say it was God’s Will to take your poor Kid home to See Jesus! Be thankful your Kid Died, and got to go to Heaven, and sit on God’s Throne, next to Santa Claus at the Department Store, you redundant Infidel Unbeliever!”

“And if you don’t like your Wife, move to Utah, or Saudi Arabia, and marry several women at Once, so you can Spread your Biblical Seed around more Fruitfully, ya Big fucking DICK Splat!”

For you, solving life’s Problems is just as easy as Driving your big pickup truck, or using a measuring tape, or shopping at the supermarket, or opening a page in the Bible! Easy as 1, 2, 3!

Do the Answers to Life’s Hard Questions just show up on your Name Tag, sewn onto your Sears Blue Collar Work Shirt, while you’re shampooing somebody’s carpet? Or does God, and your Super Brain, text you thru your belt beeper, or on the computer screen, at your corporate cubicle desk? Or does God just talk DIRECTLY to YOU, like thru your headphones on your Ipod? Huh, FUCKHEAD?

Or did your “highly educated” blue collar, ditch digger parents, or your rural bumpkin preacher, or the POX “News” Anchor, tell you, “Suggest” to you, or “program” your mind into what to think, as you were growing up?

I’ll give you All Day to THINK about this, since you apparently need a bit of practice. In thinking.

Git ‘er Done!

In your mind, it’s all so easy! We’ll just deal with the World, and it’s Complicated Problems, by using easy, no sweat, wrap things up, “git er done” style methods, and polish off this pesky Issue in a Jiffy, and then slap the “Done” stamp on the box as, “this Issue has been Completely and Correctly Analyzed, AND SOLVED, by a Person with Low Powered, Blue Collar, Average, to slightly above Average, Intelligence!”

Is that it? End of the Story? No need to analyze further?

No Problem! We had the Top Brains workin’ on this one! File this one under “Case Closed”!

Mr. High Powered, Blue Collar Brain Power MAN, Solves the Mystery AGAIN!

Who da thunk it!

The Common Man is a regular Sherlock Holmes! NO! A GENIUS! Joe the Plumber Deserves a McArthur Genius Grant, for political and economic poetry in motion!

And now that we have this or that Difficult Life Issue all figured out in a few minutes of Brain Time, NOW it’s time to go home, get a beer, and watch the Game! Yahoo, it’s Millertime! That Blue Collar Boy sho is Smert! Lawdy, mmm, mmm, he a reglar Geenie Us! Yas, Suh! I iz Impressticated, fo sho!

He done Solved dat problem in a Jiffy! “Blue Collar Man” did it Again!

Hoo-Ray! Slap me Five!

Reality Check.

Who the fuck do you think you are, you little Mental Pip-Squeak?

You’re this Low Powered Mental Computer! A Human with a low powered brain! AND with Bad Information, and Mistake Filled Logic, to boot! You’re about two steps above Tweety Bird, or a Monkey!

And because of that, you’re Adding everything up Incorrectly, but you can’t see that, because you’re TOO STUPID to see any Flaws in your logic, and too stupid to see the bad info you are using to base your decisions on. BUT, you think you’re right, because YOU CAN’T SEE ANY MISTAKES, in YOUR Logic, or YOUR info!

Think about this next one.

YOU’RE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THE MISTAKES IN YOUR LOGIC!

How about them Apples?

I’m sorry, I hate to have to break this to you, but there’s a reason you’re not Albert Einstein, or a rocket Scientist, and instead you’re working on an assembly line, driving a pickup truck, or slappin’ up drywall. It’s because, drum roll, you have limited Brainpower!

Or, in language you’ll understand, you’re not very bright, you just THINK you are. Or, less diplomatically, you’re average, dumb, stupid, box o rocks, hamster level. But hey, nobody is EVER gonna convince you of that! Becuz YOU Are JUST TOO SMART!

RIGHT? Mister Super Smart Guy?

New Science Discovery! Stupid People Don’t Know They’re STUPID! And That’s the Problem, in a Nutshell! Republicans Immediately See Major Opportunity to Manipulate Dumb Voters, and Takeover Country!

Do you know what’s really irritating about Stupid People? They’re just Smart Enough to think they’re smart, but not smart enough to know when they’re being stupid. Even smart people do this, but not as often as Stupid People do.

You might even be confused by these paragraphs, depending on your level of intelligence, and are saying to yourself, “I’m tired of reading this shit! Let’s go watch a ball game, and have a beer! Or, where’s that magazine with the chicks with big tits?”

Stop fucking up the world with your stupid thinking.

You know what the problem with stupid people is?

They don’t know they’re Stupid, AND they think they have the Whole World Figured Out.

And they take way too long, DECADES AND CENTURIES, to catch up with ANY Progress in Human Thought.

If we listened to Dumb People’s ideas, we’d still be back in the DARK AGES.

So get your cruel, stupid, selfish, hate filled, lard ass, out of the way of Human Progress! You’re just making everybody Suffer longer! You’re gumming up the works, making it harder to make life better, for everybody here on Earth. Got it? Or is that too difficult for your underpowered brain to understand?

Think about it, and I know that’s going to be Tough for you! So you’ll probably find a way to Not Think, or you will think Poorly and Incorrectly, and come up with the Wrong answer in the end.

But you’ll think you’re right, anyway.

But hey, that’s what stupid people do! It just comes so easily and naturally to them!

Stupid is, as lots of Stupid people are already doing.

Now Run, Forrest, Run.

And if you hurry, you just might catch up with Goober, because he’s slow too!

Pockets of Stupidity! The Swiss Cheese Brain, Creates a Swiss Cheese American Map!

The Backwards and Ignorant South, you gotta love it. The Republican Party sure does!

And Stupid People everywhere, God sure made a hell of a lot of them.

And Slow Midwesterners, and Western slow pokes, who make their living, for Christ Sake, from Selling Things to the Big Cities on the Coasts, and then turn around and think they’re better than most on the Coasts! Talk about biting the hand that feeds ya!

And let’s not forget the Cruel Rich, “the Quick Buck Jerks”, who are just out to “Quick Fuck” the planet, and get their dicks sucked, by brainless blondes who Smirk.

And how can we EVER forget Blue Collar Dumb Guys, who think they’re the Smartest Guys in the World, because they can read a Measuring Tape, but aren’t Smart Enough to Measure where their Brainpower Stops.

You can repeat that one a couple of hundred times!

And to Everyone who actually thinks they can Survive on their own, like the Original Backwoods Trapper Man, out in the woods, in a Log Cabin, without government, or Society, when, if truth be told, they Really Couldn’t Survive more than a month or two, on their own, without Civilization, Big Government, the Rule of Law, and that “Big Bustling Bee Hive” to Help them Survive. And yet, in the end, they are too Stupid to see it, or admit it.

Here’s to all the Anti-Government, No Tax, Republican “Libertarian Survivalists”, who would be the First to RESTOCK, at the Civilized Society SUPPLY Store, with more of their needed “Society Provided Supplies”, when their “end of the world” Ammo and Food runs out.

It’s their “Society Provided Supplies”, that allow them to thumb their Stupid Noses at Society, while they “survive” on their “own”, playing at being Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone, the “New” Freedom Frontier Militia Men, dressed in their 21st century Teflon Polar Tec Camouflage Hunting Suit, with the electric sock warmers, from the Chinese Hong Kong Export Outfitter Catalog, paid for with 5 easy credit card payments!

And everything else they own, in their “we don’t need Society” combo foot locker, cooler, and security safe, is made in a Factory, in a Big City, and shipped to their “Mountain Hideout” Supply Store, by Jumbo Jet, and then in a computerized FEDEX tractor trailer, on a Super Highway, and arrives on a UPS truck, tracked by satellite, and driven by a guy in a faux British Army, African safari, jungle shorts outfit.

A Hearty Roast to these hard core, “anti-Gubmint Survivalist, weekend mountain men”, these rough tuff roughing it kind of guys, who ALWAYS make sure they have enough propane gas (from a Giant Liquid Propane Super Tanker) for the mountain cabin electric generator, to power the lights, the TV, the Satellite dish, the A/C, and the meat freezer, as they live “without Society, Taxes, and Big Intrusive Gubmint”, in their Free Republic of NoTaxLandia!

Which they drive to every weekend, in their Giant, leather upholstered, Air conditioned, Sport Utility Vee-hick-ool, on the new, smooth, short cut, Super highway that shaves an hour off the trip!

And once they get there, settle in and roundly condemn the fucked up Civilized World, they then start enjoying life, free of Society’s irritating presence, and open up a case of Bud Light, or one of them fancy pants boutique beers.

“Pass that bottle of Budweiser, Earl, and the Pringle chips, and that cheesy onion chive dip! Is there any more Frozen Pizza? No? Check inside the microwave! Damn, them Keebler chocolate chip cookies is Good! Be sure to order a couple extra cases of those, for next weekend! Hand me that X-Box Video Game or the Play Station! Don’t hog it now! And wipe your greasy fingerprints off it, with them Baby Wipes I bought for your Sensitive Butt Hole! And don’t point that high tech semi-auto plastic Glock at me, with the laser range finder on it, you know how it fucks up my eyeballs!”

In the Company of Other Like Minded Believers!

And let’s not forget the cruel, unthinking, flash card, religious extremist Republicans. The “Hocus Pocus Focus on the Family” FREAKS. Denver? Utah? Why is it always SOMEWHERE in the WEST? Is it the lack of water? Or dry air, that shrivels up moist brain membranes?

Do ALL the desperate, needy, mentally weak weaklings, with low powered brains, who need Quick, Easy Answers for life’s terribly difficult questions, go West, or South? Or to fucking, OHIO? Or Worse, into the Republican, Conservative Ranks?

All these super religious Freaks, who want a top down, rigid Rule Book Authority, a Big Daddy, Big Brother, Big Religious Gubmint, a “Big Religious Dictator Gubmint”, to tell everyone how to live, what to think and believe, how often and when and where to pray, and are willing to cram it down everybody’s throat, in the name of Freedom, and Jesus, so that THEY can feel Secure in their weakness, in the COMPANY of Other Like minded BELIEVERS.

Forcing others to BELIEVE EXACTLY, as they DO!

KEY WORDS: Forcing Others, and giving No Real Fair Options! Remember that.

If that isn’t the definition of Dictatorship, the very definition of No Options, No freedom, my way, or the highway, then I don’t know what a dictator is…

And The Final Answer Is? Is a Low Powered Brain, Really a Beautiful Thing to Waste?

The Final Question is: Can you Educate and change the mind of a Frightened, Angry, Misinformed, and Uninformed, Low Brainpower Mind?

Or is it just, an Impossible Task?

This Progressive Liberal, wants to know.

“You can either Accept, or Reject this Impossible Mission, Mr. Phelps! This tape shall self destruct in 30 seconds, after you hear it!”

[Soundtrack from Mission Impossible. “Dundun, Dun Dun! Boo doo doo!]

(The sixties TV show version, not the crappy Tom Cruise piece of shit. P.S. I wrote this paragraph on Sunday, March 14, 2010. On Monday morning, the 15th, NPR radio said Actor Peter Graves had died in LA, of a heart attack, at age 83,while outside his house.

Graves played Phelps in the original Mission Impossible TV series. Spooky! Rustle of leaves and wind! Wolf howl, off in canyon distance! Grab your Bunny, jump under the Bed! Even spookier, his age is almost the SAME as the Book "1984"! Doo-doo, doo-doo, Twilight Zone Theme! Work with me here, I’m pretty much a one man band!)

The Mind Manipulation Machine! You Are Getting Sleepy! You will Do Whatever I Say! You Are My Little SEX Robot! Pull My Lever, and Vote For ME, You Dickhead!

The Rich Republicans have already discovered that manipulating a low powered voter Brain, can be to their Advantage.

It’s the Cruel, Greedy Rich (and the Low IQ masses who are manipulated by the Rich) that cause so many of the Problems that Progressive Reformers, Big Government, and doo-gooder Democrats, are forced to try and fix.

Social problems are usually Not Problems for the Rich, because their Wealth Insulates them from Society’s Problems, or, they are making MONEY from the Problems! In either case, the rich always want to avoid being taxed for helping to deal with any social problems, because it cuts into their bottom line.

It’s the Irresponsible Rich People, who want to play without Regard for the Costs and Effects on others, and without regard for the Future, who usually create A Big Fucking Mess, in need of cleanup, in Aisle three, and all over the “supermarket” of Life.

And then Mom, the Responsible one, yes, “big government Mom”, otherwise known as Liberal Reformer “Mom”, has to come in, set some Rules, and clean up after the wild, irresponsible, Republican “party”, that has either burnt down the Financial House, shit on the carpet, or avoided being responsible for the Social Costs of their Actions, until the Problems have grown so big they can’t be Ignored anymore by the Democracy.

The Pain has to spread so deep and wide, to SO Many People, that finally the Slow Creaky Democracy will finally awake, and ACT.

Big Baby Wants a Giant Splurt U-Tool-ity VeeHickool, with FREE GAS! I Want My Maypo! Why Can’t I Have It ALL, for Nothing, and Chicks for FREE?

And that’s YOU, Pal! That’s YOU! You wanna play without supervision, do whatever you want, crayon on the walls, vomit toxic waste on the carpet, play with matches and burn down the house, and then let somebody else pick up the pieces, and pay for the costs of cleaning up, or scream that the Cleanup will cost too much and raise your Taxes, after you created the mess!

WHY? Because You’re just a big fucking BABY, who’s Mad he can’t have everything he wants, whenever he wants it!

WAAAH! Where’s my Lollipop? I’m a Big, Irresponsible BABY! I don’t wanna eat Carrots, I just want chocolate Cookies, All the Time!

I want Electricity, AND Clean Air! I want highways and huge homes, AND no Suburban Sprawl! I want Government Services, safe bridges, and police, but NO Taxes! I want a bigger paycheck, but the Corporations won’t Pay me anymore! I want freedom and democracy, but I don’t want to VOTE, or make an effort to be properly informed! Waaah! I’m just a big BABY!

So here, ya Big Baby, stick this dick Pacifier in your Stupid Mouth, and SUCK ON IT! Maybe you’ll learn some Impulse Control, and how to Behave, and get along with others! And learn to not hurt the other children at school. Do you think you can do that? Or are you just a big Juvenile Republican Delinquent?

The Bi-Polar, Schizophrenic, Conservative Republican. Fuck Society, Use It, and Discard It, Like a Sticky, Used, Cash Condom!

Yeah, that’s the bi-polar, schizophrenic Republican mantra, “Rules are for other people, but not for me! Rules just get in the way of ME getting all that I want, as fast as possible!”

I’m the Center of MY Universe! WHO ARE YOU to impose Rules on me getting Rich as fast as possible? Huh? Who the fuck are you to Stop me from doing whatever the Fuck I WANT?? IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! DON’T YOU GET IT? FUCK SOCIETY!

YOU’RE JUST A PIECE OF SHIT, ON THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE, AND IN MY WAY! GOT IT?

YOU’RE JUST A PERSON, and PEOPLE DON’T COUNT any more! ONLY MONEY COUNTS! People aren’t People! According to the new Cash Supreme Court Decision, Corporations are now People! Corporations are now EQUAL to people! A corporation has the same rights as you do! A corporation is more important than you! YOU’RE JUST CRAP TO BE USED, AND ABUSED, AND THEN THROWN AWAY!

You’re just PART OF THE PRODUCTION PROCESS, to help the Rich GET RICHER, as FAST as POSSIBLE! You’re just a DISPOSABLE MACHINE, an INTERCHANGEABLE PART, a ROBOT! YOU’RE NOT A PERSON! A Corporation is a Person! Not YOU!

What would ever make you think you’re a person? You’re a BOT! A Robot, that I can use, to help me get Rich, as quickly as possible! Understand? You’re ROBOT BOY!

Wind you up, give you some hamster pellets, and then throw you away! Throw you on the discard scrap pile! You’re just “Waste Production Material”!

And YOU thought you were a PERSON! HA! Is that your little Self delusion Placebo Pill? How many of those do you take in a Week? Hamster ROBOT Boy?

No, there isn’t anything more to understand! That’s it, in a nutshell, okay? I need you only so far as you can help me get rich! There are no more questions!

It’s really THAT SIMPLE! And what’s wrong with that? Hmm? CAN’T YOU SEE? What the fuck is wrong with that? That’s the way it’s SUPPOSED to be! And don’t you try and fucking change it!

Because I’m a CONSERVATIVE, and the ONLY thing I’m interested in CONSERVING is, MY CASH, MY PROPERTY, the CURRENT SYSTEM, and my current lofty, heartless, soulless, Uncaring Position, in the current Social, and Monetary System!

Got it, ROBOT BOY?

Now bend over, cuz I’m gonna grease up your anal tube, with this republican anal lube, and then I’m gonna stick my BIG Conservative Cock, Up your Butt, so you’ll work better, as the good little machine you are!

And then you can tell Mr. Big Daddy, how much you like it! Huh, my little Poopsie Woopsie?

Signed,
Faint Bernard
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.

Poor World! God has Blessed you with such a Vast Over-Supply of Stupidity and Greed, all so Unjustly Undeserved!

Next week: “Will Republicans, and the Christian Right, be able to Raise the Confederacy from the Dead?” Interview with Confederate General Robert E. Lee, from the Great Beyond, in the first televised, Evangelical, Born Again, Racist Mystic, Clairvoyant Séance Session, and Plantation Tea Party!

Followed by an interview with Pastor Prick “Arrested” Warrant, of the Saddledork Mountain Hump Looney Bin Church, author of the Best selling book, “My Life is Without Purpose, If I Can’t Force You to Believe in Jesus!”

Aahh! The narrow, one track minds of Republicans, and Looney tune Religious Freaks!

Predictable! Sadly, so predictable. See ‘em coming a mile down the track.

Woo! Woo! Here come dee Republican Loco Motives now!

Now stopping at No Rules Greed City, and God’s Dictator Village!

Get your Ticket, get on board, say goodbye to Freedom, cuz there ain’t no comin’ back!

Chugga…chugga…chugga!

Wooo! Wooo!

Ding-ding-ding! Ding a ling a ding!

Put some more oil and books on that fire! We getting up a good head of Steam now! Yas Suh! Old Crazy Casey Jones coming down the track now, he’ll beat back Progress!

Old Casey, in his Steam Cleaning Mental Engine, he’ll beat back the FUTURE! Next stop, toot-toot, Luddite City! Weekly Book Burnings! Clang the church Bell! And barbecued Unbelievers, burned at the Stake!

* * *

www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com

Y’all come back now! We got ways to make you Hate!
Join the Conservative Christian Republican Party!
We’ll keep ya lined up at Hell’s Gate!

Whoo, Woo! Clang, clang! Toot, toot!
Coming through!
Full Steam ahead!
Don’t Stop at Heaven,
Or we’ll be really Late!

www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Your Gateway to a Mental Cleaning!

Shampoo Your Brain.
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Let Jesus tell ya who to Hate!
Let Jesus tell ya who to kill!
Let Rich Republicans tell ya,
what part of Society,
we should Discard,
and Waste!

Them Christian Republicans,
They’ll love ya,
just way Too Late.

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FBI Raids Wall Street! Finds Weapons of Mass Financial Destruction! Truthful Tally Banned! Terrorist Mortgage Plot Exposed! U.S. Economy Bombed!

The FBI raided several Wall Street Banking Firms today, arresting top executives, and charging them with Constructing Highly Toxic Loan Bombs, distributing and detonating Weapons of Mass Financial Destruction, committing Acts of Financial Terrorism on the American Homeland, and contributing to the Financial Death and Maiming of untold millions of American Citizens.

The Head of the Department of Homeland Financial Security, Chief Elliot Mess, said the perps would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, including the Crime of Regulatory Shopping, which is getting into bed with the Regulatory Agency that is the sluttiest, and the least likely to prosecute for Banking Prostitution.

Chief Mess promised he would start with a “clean sheet” of bank bedding, and force everyone from now on to "Come Clean!", or at least wear a transparent Cash Condom, and be responsible for their excessive ejaculatory financial deposits.

Wall Street financial terrorists will be sent to fundamentalist religious re-education camps in VaChina or Packagestan, where they will be taught that some acts of financial masturbation would from now on, be “Untouchable”, said G-Man Elliot Mess. In particular, the act of “beheading” would be discouraged, where you break off the head of your Corporate Penis, while attempting highly unusual, perverted and derivative, financial acts.

He also promised a new era of Prohibition, against Financial Excessive Sexual Standard Deviation, Mortgage Molestation, the anal preoccupation with wide open Anal Financial Fees, Financial Dickery, and the Crime of Financial Rape.

Pox Noozooze, and the Cash Supreme Court, complained this would interfere with the rights of Businessmen to run their businesses any way they want, and prevent them from committing financial crimes of Opportunity, as the “Free” market becomes ever Wilder, and “free-er”.

They also complained that Any Rules, however weakly enforced, would make them Uncompetitive with other Unethical Multinational Corporations, and would interfere with, and be a Gross Violation of, the Constitutional Rights of Corporations to act Without any checks and balances against their Right to have unlimited power, in their never ending pursuit of controlling human life, achieving total liberty, and gaining absolute financial happiness, and ultimately, to Worship Profit, as the Only, Real, and worthwhile Supreme Prophet.


The Department of Wild Wall Street Fish and Casino Gaming, recently created by Republicans, along with the for-profit “financial environment” groups, "Greenback Dollar Earth", "Raise the Maximum Wage" and "Save the Pot-Bellied Wall Street Walrus", protested vehemently at police headquarters by shouting repeatedly, "I want my Bonus!", and “A Big Bonus feels Good!”

Posters of fat, pin-striped Wall Street Walruses, puffing cigars, tied to the hoods of Lincoln Town Cars like dead deer, were seen everywhere, provoking cries of "Cruelty!" from well dressed Park Avenue matrons, who were seen sobbing, and collapsing into their Chauffeur's arms.

One top executive, dressed entirely in a Suit of Immaculate Gold, was seen floating down from a top floor window, wearing a parachute made entirely of Gold bird feathers and embroidered Diamonds. As policeman nabbed him, a blonde reporter from POX NoNooz thrust her microphone into his blubbering walrus face, and tearfully asked, "Why are these Godless, Liberal, Soft on Crime Democrats doing this horrible, unjust, cruel thing to you?"

And in a voice that sounded disturbingly like a ghetto black man, the top exec said, "I didn't do Nuffin! I is Innocent! Why you be restin' me! I tol' you I ain't done Nuffin!”

And as the Squad car drove off down the street, with a cobblestone clatter, a lowly, and mere citizen yelled, "Why’d ya do it, Wally?"

And Wally the Wall Street Walrus, aka Old Saint Dick, was heard to say "I was only following the Market’s Orders, like a good Screwish Boy! Heil Hit Me, My Right Wing GOP Leader! Douchemarks over ALL!"

And to all, a terrible, crystal clear, good nite.


Signed,
Faint Bernard
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved. Includin’ ma right to say, “Say it ain’t so Santa, say it ain’t so! Why’d ya have to FUCK all the Kiddies?” Merry Christmas! And a Happy Hanukah, for all the little Boys and Girls!

[Shhh! It’s Bedtime for little Rachel, and for Tolafalofaleesha, and as Daddy tucks them in, they look at Daddy and say…]

What’s a mortgage, Daddy?

Where do Wall Street Walruses live, Daddy?

Do we get a Bonus, too?

Do they really make parachutes out of Gold?

Can I get a parachute for Christmas, Hanukah, or Qwanzamas?

Daddy, what’s an eco…eco…nomic meltdown?

Will Santa burn down our chimney too?

Daddy, what’s the difference between Ideology and Religion?

Daddy, what’s the difference between Blue Collar Crime, and White Collar Crime?

Why would the color of your shirt make any difference, huh, Daddy?

What is an “Anti-Regulation Republican Christian”, and why don’t they care about the Little People like Us?

Is it true that White Men in Positions of Power (Christians, Jews, Atheists and Monetary Idolatrists) all Burned down Wall Street, so they could get chunks of gold from a Golden Bull Calf, with a giant golden penis?

Why would they want to do that Daddy? Why?

Daddy?

Yes…

Can we buy a fire extinguisher tomorrow?

Why?

Because those Bad Men might come back, and Burn down our house too, and leave us all in the street, with Nothing to do, and nothing to Eat!

Tomorrow, dear, we’ll get a fire extinguisher tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day! For you, and Scarlett, and Little Orphan Annie, and Toto, too!

Can we get one for every room in the house?

Yes, dear!

Can we get Financial Smoke Detectors too?

Certainly, dear!

And batteries for the Financial Smoke Detectors? And a Consumer Protection Agency, to protect the consumer against Unethical Corporations, with too much unchecked power?

Well, dear, we’ll have to ask Congress for Protection. You see, Republican Roman Senators may consider Consumer Protection an unnecessary “Entitlement” undeserved by the ordinary defenseless citizen, or an unfunded mandate, or a runaway activist legal judgment, or “unnecessary growth” in illegitimate Big Gubmint, or not a tax cut for the rich!

Or they may feel that Consumer Protection is a “Nanny State Socialist Intrusion” into your own “personal responsibility”, or a “wrong incentive” for you to become complacent over your own financial fire safety!

Or that it's an UnConstitutional “redistribution” of Wealth and Protection, from Deserving Rich People to the “undeserving, fire conscious, handout seeking, little people”, or that Consumer Protection is an improper and “unconstitutional” socialist government concern over the welfare, life, liberty and pursuit of happiness of the Regular People, instead of just benefiting the people at the top!

Or that it provides “special rights” to protect gay people, or poor people, or older people, from Financial Fires, or it's unnecessary Special Rights for Consumers, or that it will actually cause Corporations and Rich People to pay taxes and give a shit about “the Other Citizens” in the Nation, or…

Why are you crying, darling?

Because what you’re saying is that, even before I’ve grown up to be a Woman, my Senators, and the Corporations, have already Raped me!

Well, I wouldn’t go that far!

But Daddy, that’s what it feels like to me! The Bad Old Rich Men have already put their Corrupted Corporate Cash Cocks into my Virginal Financial Vagina, into my Pure Pussy Purse, into my Uncontaminated Cash Cunt!

You see Daddy, without Consumer Protection the Corporate Kings get to Fuck all the new Virgins in the Kingdom, even before we all turn Sweet Sixteen, just like in the Old King Days, when the King got to pick and choose and fuck the Virgins in the Kingdom! It was called the Divine Kingly Right of First Something or other!

Daddy, why can’t you protect me from the Senators, and the Big Bad, Heartless and Cruel Corporations? Why, Daddy, WHY?

I don’t know, dear, I don’t know how this all Happened! But somehow, it did! It all comes down to POWER!

[Masked Cowboy, and Indian sidekick, on horseback, peering in window.]

Yes, Kemosabe, it all comes down to Power, and how power Corrupts, or my name isn’t Tonto!

Hi-Yo, Silver! And Away! The Lone Ranger Rides Again!

Oh, Daddy, maybe there are still Heroes! Heroes that can Slay the Corrupted Corporate Dragons, and the Evil Senators that ride them! And save us all, in the end! Who was that Masked Avenger, Daddy, where did he go?

I don’t know, my little darling, I don’t know. He disappeared a long time ago. The only heroes left, are on a computer generated Hollywood movie screen.

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www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com

Y’all come back, now! I’ll sell ya a Smoke Detector Battery! Fully Charged! Not used at all! Trust me! I’m a Republican! I’ve got your best interest at heart! Really! I believe in God and Jesus! I would never sell you a Defective Smoke Detector Battery! Now, a Toyota with a defective gas pedal? That’s a different story!

That’s why we need Tort Reform, to stop unnecessary lawsuits, over products that are never defective, and doctors that are never careless!

“Tort Reform”, you see, will bring down health care costs! How? Well, if YOU can’t sue a doctor for being Careless, he won’t have to Spend any time or money to be careful, in taking care of you, and your insurance premium will go way down! Like magic! Republican Magic!

It’s simple Republican Logic! If you can’t sue the careless doctor, he doesn’t have to worry about being careful! You’ve taken away his “incentive” to be careful! And the Bonus is, your insurance premium will go down! And your care will get worse! But hey, that’s the price you pay for affordable health care! Tort Reform, the Magical Republican Solution, for lowering health care costs!

Of course, the insurance companies will probably just keep the doctor’s malpractice premiums high anyway, since the insurance companies only let a doctor see a patient for ten minutes anyway, not really enough time to diagnose you correctly to heal you! And that will mean your heallth insurance premiums will have to stay high also! I hope you have enough Life Insurance, with your family as the beneficiary.

* * *

[On a small boat, lost somewhere in a dark swamp.]

Ogpo: “I’m not going to stop blaming Bush for the mess we’re in! I‘ve met the enemy, and it’s definitely the Republicans! Godless Devils, with horns and tails, and bags of radioactive money, all of them! Tax Cut for the Rich, Tax Fuck for everybody else! That’s the Republican Way! You betcha! And Health care not for all, just for some! Like for Senators, and rich people! That’s the American Way!”

“You gotta be willing to Die for your Country, Patriot Boy! All for one, none for all!”

* * *

www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Your Gateway to Understanding Politics!
Your Vaginal Orifice to Understanding Being Screwed!

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