My "Unit" doesn't feel heterosexual "Cohesiveness" when this Senator gets on My Tube. Maybe this is old news, maybe I'm way behind the curve on this, but every time I see Senator "Wimpy Boy" Lindsay Graham on TV with his mincing, lisping, namby-pamby Style of speakin', my "Gaydar" goes way off the Scope, and the needle pegs at 90 or 100 on the dial, and stops there rock solid, not moving an inch, like it's busted and never gonna work again.
Is my "Divining Rod", or my "Divine Rod" cuz it's so Dreamy, the only other Hunter-Pointer Dog that senses this Discrepancy between Republican Hard Liners, and Gay Republican Hardness?
I mean, he gets up there and starts spouting all this stuff about Demon Liberal Values, and Republican spending "Discipline", and Military Unit Cohesiveness (or, "Unic"), and all I can think of when hearing that voice of his is, is this guy a fudgepacker and cocksucker, or whut?
After living in the South for a short while now, I've learned that about the worse thing you can say to a Low IQ Southern Fried Redneck is to call him a FAGGOT. They actually physically pull back like you just held fresh cow shit under their nose. (It's alot like sayin', "Your Momma", to a Black Dude, up North.)
Now, I think Gay People should be allowed to marry, same as other people. We can always let the Southern Baptist Preachers have sex with prostitutes, gay dudes, and marry barn animals. But if a dude is a closeted hypocrit in the Republican Party, the Known Oppressors of Gay People, well, then that dude is a Lousy Faggot, and should be Tarred and Feathered and run out of Town.
So, I'm ASKING, is Republican Senator Lindsay Graham of The Great State of South Carolina, a Closet GAY???
Because everytime that Good Ol'Southern Boy gets on My Tube, mincing his words so precisely, I smell fresh cow shit under my nose. Am I way off base on this, or should I just say, "Don't Ask--Don't Smell?"
I mean, what's the deal here? In a state where a Redneck with fuzzy brown teeth can track down a gator in a swamp, smell a fresh virgin cousin a mile away, and think a washing machine is lawn sculptor, how can they not spot a Gay Republican Senator???
And in THE state that was the Original Confederate TRAITOR State, the first to leave the Union in 1861, and that Prides itself on Wholesome Hate-Filled "Family Values", and on being the Anti-Faggot, Anti-Nigger Capitol of the World...how did this Nancy Pants Senator ever get elected?
Or was it just Good Ol' Peanut Oil that Greased the Back Room Holes of Power?
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an Oppressed, Closeted Gay Guy, spoutin' crap about Demon Liberal Values.
I mean, what's next, he's gonna start telling me Niggers are People too???
Signed,
Faint Bernard
aka Chief ThunderTruth
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All right reserved, including Gay RIGHTS!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
The "Truth Sandwich", at the Republican "Deli-cate-lesson". Do You Want that With White, or Rye Lies? How About a Smear of Cheese?
Brought to you by the Wholesome Goodness of Republican Think Tank Kitchens, where Family Values never conquer lies! Have we got a dish for you! Our Truth "Chips' are always Thin and Crispy!
Okay, TV viewers, here's how to make a Republican "Truth Sandwich"!
Take a thin sliver, or slice of truth from over here, add a thin slice of truth from over there, sprinkle it with little flavorful bits of chopped up half-truth, smear it with a layer of partly true mustard, and put it all between two thin slices of spongey white Wonder Truth Bread, and magically, sitting before you is a Truth Sandwich!
A construction of half-truths, that proves whatever it is you want to prove!
It doesn't matter if any of the ingredients are true, or logically connected in any way. To put it bluntly, the logic or truth doesn't matter.
What matters is, it all has to "Sound and Look Logical", and "Sound and Look Reasonable", for it to "Appear to Be True" to your Target Audience of Low IQ Blue Collar Bumpkins.
What matters is that your side has slapped, glued, and nailed all the truth bits together. Your team has stuck the pieces together, and constructed what looks like a "Solid Looking Truth Proof"!
It doesn't matter if the pieces are true, or if the logic is correct, or if the conclusion is true. All that matters is if it sounds like it's true, to your Average Blue Collar Not Too Bright Bumpkin.
If it appears to prove your point, if the logic appears to be logical, then you've succeeded. None of it has to be really true or logical. None of it. It just has to seem true, and seem logical...like the Sun going around the Earth. It does, doesn't it?
It's Faux Truth, or Nutruth. An artificial, synthetic, junk food truth substitute. A NuTruth Sweetener, and a Zero Calorie empty truth food. A highly processed, bleached and refined, truth food substitute, the best that Republican money can buy. From the clever chefs at the GOP Thinktank Kitchens! Where Family Values and Truth have been burnt to a Crisp!
Signed,
Faint Bernard
aka, Chief ThunderTruth
Talkemjaw Tribe
Big Truth Reservation
Bureau of White Man Lies
Forked Tongue, South Dakota
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including the right to say, "Mommy and Daddy! I want to grow up and work for a Republican Thinktank, because it's where Honest People work!"
This message has been brought to you by Pharma-GOP, the makers of Cream of Truth, the NuTruth Pill, and Truth Benders, the low calorie truth pudding dessert. "When you want to be in a Republican Frame of Mind, Low Calorie NuTruth puts you there in a Jiffy! For Extra Slim Thoughts, eat NuTruth, by Pharma-GOP! It's Hmm-Hmm-Good!"
WARNING! Consuming too much GOP Brand NuTruth may cause Anal Leakage, Mental Starvation, Anorexic Anemic Analysis, Bull-liemia, Ann Cooterism, Corporate News Pox, or even Brain Death! However, people with low intelligence are able to consume far higher Dosages of NuTruth, before acquiring NuTruth Obesity.
This is what is So Amazing about GOP Brand NuTruth--it is both an empty calorie truth food, and it is also filled with Useless Saturated High Density Fat! This is accomplished by a highly Scientific Republican Technique called "Truth Blend"! (trademark and patent pending)
Okay, TV viewers, here's how to make a Republican "Truth Sandwich"!
Take a thin sliver, or slice of truth from over here, add a thin slice of truth from over there, sprinkle it with little flavorful bits of chopped up half-truth, smear it with a layer of partly true mustard, and put it all between two thin slices of spongey white Wonder Truth Bread, and magically, sitting before you is a Truth Sandwich!
A construction of half-truths, that proves whatever it is you want to prove!
It doesn't matter if any of the ingredients are true, or logically connected in any way. To put it bluntly, the logic or truth doesn't matter.
What matters is, it all has to "Sound and Look Logical", and "Sound and Look Reasonable", for it to "Appear to Be True" to your Target Audience of Low IQ Blue Collar Bumpkins.
What matters is that your side has slapped, glued, and nailed all the truth bits together. Your team has stuck the pieces together, and constructed what looks like a "Solid Looking Truth Proof"!
It doesn't matter if the pieces are true, or if the logic is correct, or if the conclusion is true. All that matters is if it sounds like it's true, to your Average Blue Collar Not Too Bright Bumpkin.
If it appears to prove your point, if the logic appears to be logical, then you've succeeded. None of it has to be really true or logical. None of it. It just has to seem true, and seem logical...like the Sun going around the Earth. It does, doesn't it?
It's Faux Truth, or Nutruth. An artificial, synthetic, junk food truth substitute. A NuTruth Sweetener, and a Zero Calorie empty truth food. A highly processed, bleached and refined, truth food substitute, the best that Republican money can buy. From the clever chefs at the GOP Thinktank Kitchens! Where Family Values and Truth have been burnt to a Crisp!
Signed,
Faint Bernard
aka, Chief ThunderTruth
Talkemjaw Tribe
Big Truth Reservation
Bureau of White Man Lies
Forked Tongue, South Dakota
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including the right to say, "Mommy and Daddy! I want to grow up and work for a Republican Thinktank, because it's where Honest People work!"
This message has been brought to you by Pharma-GOP, the makers of Cream of Truth, the NuTruth Pill, and Truth Benders, the low calorie truth pudding dessert. "When you want to be in a Republican Frame of Mind, Low Calorie NuTruth puts you there in a Jiffy! For Extra Slim Thoughts, eat NuTruth, by Pharma-GOP! It's Hmm-Hmm-Good!"
WARNING! Consuming too much GOP Brand NuTruth may cause Anal Leakage, Mental Starvation, Anorexic Anemic Analysis, Bull-liemia, Ann Cooterism, Corporate News Pox, or even Brain Death! However, people with low intelligence are able to consume far higher Dosages of NuTruth, before acquiring NuTruth Obesity.
This is what is So Amazing about GOP Brand NuTruth--it is both an empty calorie truth food, and it is also filled with Useless Saturated High Density Fat! This is accomplished by a highly Scientific Republican Technique called "Truth Blend"! (trademark and patent pending)
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