Testing…Testing…fhoofff…can you hear me?
Thump…thump…Sound check…check, check!
Applesauce…chick check…chunky chick check!
May-po…Maybelline…Monkey Meat!
CRASH!
Ka-THUNK…frumble-bungle-rumple.
Screeee…Yow! Bizzzzt!
Uh…Sorry about that!
Phoof….PHOOF!
Way too Loud, Dude! Can you turn it down ten percent?
Try it now!
Uh-Hmm…“I owe it all to God, my Fans, and Country Radio! And my Mom!”
“Without them, I would be absolutely Nothing, but a little piece of shit on the bottom of my shoe! I would absolutely have No Talent At All!”
Oh-Kay! Much better!
I’ll see you all at the Con-Sert!
Oh, there will be a short warm-up act, then the Head Liner…
Who’s the Head Liner this time?
This time I’ll be using Maybelline Head Liner, because it outlines, and highlights my thoughts a lot more dramatically! It really sharpens and improves their Appearance, and makes my thoughts slimmer, so they fit more easily in people’s mental pants, and also makes my Ideas look about ten years younger!
Oh.
Signed,
Sound Check Boy!
(aka Faint Bernard, also Chief ThunderMonkey.)
The Big Black dick,
with the chromed Microphone trailer hitch chick,
who, when she’s on her meds,
is a slightly milder,
and sedated version,
of her Normal witch-bitch-shit.
Ain’t she a stitch!
Now don’t be runnin’ on about her Tight Little Ditch!
She’s real pertty, melts like warm silly wall patch putty,
and is nice, white and slutty,
and takes you to her Home, Coming,
like a real Chili Queen,
Chicken Kitchen Catch should!
All Breasts and thighs,
and a big ol chunk a White Meat,
Right between her Eyes! (Now that there, is a Double-double entendre! Top that, Fish hat!)
She looks grate in her Nascar Hat,
with her ass hanging out of her shorts,
and her boobs droppin’ out of her tight little jacket!
Yee-Hah! Ride her Hard, cowboy!
She’s got a face, that makes you wanna come,
and have her blow ya’, all over the place!
Okay, Cowboy, rat me a cuntree song to them thar leerics! Pronto Quisco!
Copyright © 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights, delights, and nasal spites, Reserved, and Deserved. Including my right to nay, bob, and weave natteringly, with the Top Knobs, in a negative hop snobbery of Moral Relativism, as well as Human and Nice Doggy Secularism!
So Be It! So Sayeth Bernard, The Cosmic, Cyber Dorkal, Inter-Webal, Comic Pooter Prophet!
Ah-Choo! Wine Flu! Scritchy-scratchy, is this thing on?
Thumble…bormp…hizzzzz!
Holy Crap, why does this microphone look like a Big Black Dick?
Shit…I ain’t singing through THAT!
Give this mic to the Black Chick!
Let her get off on it, not me!
That thing’s just WAY Too Big! Shit, that’s in Fuckin’ Fire Hose Territory!
Me? I’ll stick with the old Tried and True, just me, and a Cat Box!
Now, let’s crank that sucker up, plug in them gitars, and get this show on the Road!
Me-Yow! You my Catnip, Baby! Purr for me, Honey Doll! Arch that back! Wag that Tail! Now here’s somethin’, I know you’ll like to Eat!
Holy crap, I’m on fire now! My dick is Burnin’ Up! Quick, call the Fire Department, and tell ‘em we need the biggest damn hooker and ladder truck they GOT! On the Double, AND, on the Entendre!
Hurry Paco, I’m in danger of losing my Siesta Partner! My Burrito needs help NOW!
I’m Serious Pancho, the last thing I need is to end up with a limp Taco, and a plate of Refried beans!
Oh Lord! My poor little Chimi-Changa! Now my cheese is melted all over the place, and my lettuce is all limp and wet!
I Came Too Fast on the highway, and Experienced a Premature Fast Food Destination!
I chee-wa-wa! Who’s going to clean up this mess?
I’m gonna need somebody to lick this up, it’s all over the place!
Any Volunteers for America?
I didn’t think so.
“Ask what you can do for your country, not what your country can do for you!” By John Kennedy!
That sure turned into a boatload of Crap!
How’s this? “Where’s MY Fuckin’ Bailout? Huh?”
“Cuz ya know, My Dick is usually TOO BIG TO FAIL TOO!”
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Negotiating the "Real" Price. The Problem Is, Just What Is the "Real" Price? There Is None!
Today’s Nursery Rhyme!
Hickory Dickory Health Reform Doc,
The Corporate Mouse Cock has Fucked Our Congress Flock!
We’ll Never Control Health Costs,
Or know what a Rock Bottom Price is,
Until the Lyin’ Prick Lobbyists,
And their Financial “Dickery”,
Is Finally and Completely,
STOPPED!
Hickory Dickory Doc,
The Corporate Boys are only concerned,
About the Price of their Stock!
As well they should be,
Because with Health Care Reform,
Their Profit Margin will shrink,
And they’ll have a smaller “Bonis” Penis,
To sink their Teeth in!
Hickory Dickery Doc!
With a Public Option,
The 12 inch Corporate Mouse Cock,
Will Shrink to Normal Size,
Along with the Excessive Price of its Stock!
And that’s a Good Thing,
Said Hickory Dickory Doc,
Who sat on his Porch,
And said Nice things,
Like, “My god, My Cock is as Hard as a Rock!”
“I could use some Affordable Help Care,
with my tender leaking cock!”
Why is it taking so long in Coming?
If we don’t Act Soon,
It will Swell to a Big Balloon,
And no one can Save it,
Not even Hickory Dickory Doc!
-by Publicus Optionus (aka Faint Bernard!)
The Keep ‘em Honest Movement!
Who Said You Can’t Trust a Businessman?
The Nerve of that Guy!
Besmirching the honest integrity of a Dishonest Corporate Citizen!
Why, I Never heard of such a thing! I think I’ll Faint!!
* * *
The Echo-Mists, Floating On the Wind, in Our Uncertain Eco-Nomic World!
The following is just something you might want to consider while arguing over Health Care Reform. You could label it as “The Dirty Little Secret of the Business World”. Or, “what your average Bumpkin doesn’t know, but thinks he does”.
I had a friend, a very smart guy in many areas, but with a few blind spots. He thought that diamonds had a “set” or somehow “fixed by nature” price, and that there was a book that described the diamonds by color, size, weight, flaws, and any other relevant criteria, and this Book is what set the price.
I tried to explain to him that the price was not fixed anywhere in stone or in a Book, but depended upon how many people wanted to buy diamonds, how many were available, what they roughly cost to supply them, and what people were willing to pay for them.
But here is where most educated, and uneducated people, fuck up.
You see, its not just the “law” of supply and demand that sets price, it goes way beyond that, way beyond the Basic, Simple “law” of supply and demand. I prefer to say the “principle” of supply and demand, and the Factors Behind supply and demand, because it’s really a flexible group of factors Interacting, and the idea of a “law” misleads you towards a simplistic view, without consideration of deeper forces.
(Scritchety-scratch! Bumpkin now scratching his head, and asking, “Deeper forces? What the fuck is this guy talkin’ about?”)
Many people may not realize that Economics is not exactly an exact science, or field of study. It’s a lot more like a bunch of Econo-Mists, all offering up competing Theories to explain Complicated Stuff, like mists in the wind, and all hoping their Grand Theory is Right, and the other econ-Mist is Wrong.
Of course, redneck bumpkins, and Republicans don’t like this, because they like to Over Simplify Things, to make the Story simple, and then support it with a Fixed in Stone LAW of ECONOMICS, that can’t be argued with!
Republicans in general don’t like subtle nuances, gray areas, Nebulous Regions of Uncertainty, Einstein’s Theory of Moral Relativity, and multiplicities of complicated complexities, or Multiple Factors. Damn! Thems is a few words you can chaw on! (Scritchy-scratch, said the turn-fable-ist!)
So just what are these Vague, Nebulous, Mysterious, “Other Factors”, that go into setting a Price?
Aahh! That’s next weeks lecture!
Class Dismissed!
Signed,
Faint Bernard, the Nutty Nugget of a Purrfessor! Meow! Here little Pussy! You’re a Big Cat! Yes you are! You’re a GOOD GIRL! Come sit in Daddy’s lap! Oh, you don’t want me to pet you? You want to Lap Dance instead? Okay, I won’t stop you! Meeee-Yow!
Copyright © 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights Reserved, as Reinforcements against Unreserved lefts!
This Weeks Homework Assignment!
How can you Control Health Care Costs, if you don’t know what the so called “real” prices are?
How can you set “real” prices, if you don’t understand the often arbitrary conditions and expectations, involved in setting a price?
And your Simple, Bumpkin Answer is YOU think The Magic Market will set the Price for you? The market, through the supply and demand curves, will set the correct, efficient and “real” price for you?
Well my friend, you’re just at Square One! And I would politely suggest that you don’t know very much about markets, or economics, or the behavior of businessmen. But you think you do!
* * *
The Myth of the Mystical, Magic Pudding Market
You have to Eat your Meat, if you want any Pudding! How can you have any Pudding, if you don’t Eat your Meat? Without a Price on your Meat, or on your Pudding, you Won’t know how much Meat, or Pudding, you can Afford to Eat!
How can you build a Brick Wall, if you don’t really know the Price of a Brick? How can you be Thick, if you don’t know how thick a Brick, a Dick, or a Wall is? How can you not be a Prick, if you’re just another Dick, IN the Wall?
(see Jethro Tull, “Thick as a Brick”, and Pink Floyd, “Just Another Brick in the Wall”.
Jethro and Floyd were Biblical Gospel Singer Prophets, who wrote confusing religious parables about Bricks, Dicks, Pricks, and Walls, played electric guitar in Christian rock bands, and sold fish to starving Jewish fishermen, who believed in a Super Prophet called “The Electric Fisherman”, who walked on water because his Scientology Sneakers had a FLOTATION DEVICE, a Ghost like Holy Air Gel in them, to absorb Spiritual Shock, so he could walk long Crusade Distances Across Holy Water, filled with Filtered fishes, that are very popular with Jewish People.
Filtered fishes were the Biblical equivalent of today’s Filtered Water, which removes toxic right wing religious air wave pollutants, from right wing fish tanks.)
Next semester’s lectures will be from my recent books, “Exactly How the Universe Works!”, “How God Created the Perfect Competition Market”, “Exactly Who God Is, and Why He Wants You Spanked!”, and “No Rules for the Rich, and You Can Be Rich Too!”, and “3 Easy Steps for Crooks, Criminals, Conservatives, and Christians !”
I will also include lectures from my newest books, “The Universe in 3 Easy Steps!”, “Why God Talks to Me, and Only to Me, and Not You, You Bastard Religious Imposter!”, and “Bernard, the New Health Care Prophet!”.
And bonus lectures from “Healing Without Science!”, and “How Frosted Flakes Can Clean Your Colon of Shitty Thoughts!”, including the thought that a market sets a “perfect” price, rather than reflecting many hidden Market forces!
Now, let me just plug in this here gitar, and play me some “Fire”, by Jiminy Hendrix Cream. Now, that’s one dude who knew how to smoke a Fish! Hey Joe, ain’t that right? Or are you just in a Purple Haze, from running All Along the Watchtower?
And just remember, we’re all alone here on The Third Stone from the Sun, except for God, who’s watching us fuck it all up.
We sho givin’ Him a Good Show tho’, ain’t we? A Death defyin’, Plot squeakin’, Edge o your seat thrilla’! Shoot, is it getting’ Hot in this here thee-ater, or is it just me?
Stay Tuned, we MIGHT be here, tomorrow! Same Planet, different Climate! But we’ll adapt, we’ll just move the rabbit ears a little further over to one side, and put on an Ozone Hat!
Pass me that Sun Cream, I’m getting’ a little Burned! You want some? It’s got a nice scent to it! Hmm, aahh! I think it’s called Fresh Barbecued White People, in the brown bottle!
* * *
Hickory Dickory Health Reform Doc,
The Corporate Mouse Cock has Fucked Our Congress Flock!
We’ll Never Control Health Costs,
Or know what a Rock Bottom Price is,
Until the Lyin’ Prick Lobbyists,
And their Financial “Dickery”,
Is Finally and Completely,
STOPPED!
Hickory Dickory Doc,
The Corporate Boys are only concerned,
About the Price of their Stock!
As well they should be,
Because with Health Care Reform,
Their Profit Margin will shrink,
And they’ll have a smaller “Bonis” Penis,
To sink their Teeth in!
Hickory Dickery Doc!
With a Public Option,
The 12 inch Corporate Mouse Cock,
Will Shrink to Normal Size,
Along with the Excessive Price of its Stock!
And that’s a Good Thing,
Said Hickory Dickory Doc,
Who sat on his Porch,
And said Nice things,
Like, “My god, My Cock is as Hard as a Rock!”
“I could use some Affordable Help Care,
with my tender leaking cock!”
Why is it taking so long in Coming?
If we don’t Act Soon,
It will Swell to a Big Balloon,
And no one can Save it,
Not even Hickory Dickory Doc!
-by Publicus Optionus (aka Faint Bernard!)
The Keep ‘em Honest Movement!
Who Said You Can’t Trust a Businessman?
The Nerve of that Guy!
Besmirching the honest integrity of a Dishonest Corporate Citizen!
Why, I Never heard of such a thing! I think I’ll Faint!!
* * *
The Echo-Mists, Floating On the Wind, in Our Uncertain Eco-Nomic World!
The following is just something you might want to consider while arguing over Health Care Reform. You could label it as “The Dirty Little Secret of the Business World”. Or, “what your average Bumpkin doesn’t know, but thinks he does”.
I had a friend, a very smart guy in many areas, but with a few blind spots. He thought that diamonds had a “set” or somehow “fixed by nature” price, and that there was a book that described the diamonds by color, size, weight, flaws, and any other relevant criteria, and this Book is what set the price.
I tried to explain to him that the price was not fixed anywhere in stone or in a Book, but depended upon how many people wanted to buy diamonds, how many were available, what they roughly cost to supply them, and what people were willing to pay for them.
But here is where most educated, and uneducated people, fuck up.
You see, its not just the “law” of supply and demand that sets price, it goes way beyond that, way beyond the Basic, Simple “law” of supply and demand. I prefer to say the “principle” of supply and demand, and the Factors Behind supply and demand, because it’s really a flexible group of factors Interacting, and the idea of a “law” misleads you towards a simplistic view, without consideration of deeper forces.
(Scritchety-scratch! Bumpkin now scratching his head, and asking, “Deeper forces? What the fuck is this guy talkin’ about?”)
Many people may not realize that Economics is not exactly an exact science, or field of study. It’s a lot more like a bunch of Econo-Mists, all offering up competing Theories to explain Complicated Stuff, like mists in the wind, and all hoping their Grand Theory is Right, and the other econ-Mist is Wrong.
Of course, redneck bumpkins, and Republicans don’t like this, because they like to Over Simplify Things, to make the Story simple, and then support it with a Fixed in Stone LAW of ECONOMICS, that can’t be argued with!
Republicans in general don’t like subtle nuances, gray areas, Nebulous Regions of Uncertainty, Einstein’s Theory of Moral Relativity, and multiplicities of complicated complexities, or Multiple Factors. Damn! Thems is a few words you can chaw on! (Scritchy-scratch, said the turn-fable-ist!)
So just what are these Vague, Nebulous, Mysterious, “Other Factors”, that go into setting a Price?
Aahh! That’s next weeks lecture!
Class Dismissed!
Signed,
Faint Bernard, the Nutty Nugget of a Purrfessor! Meow! Here little Pussy! You’re a Big Cat! Yes you are! You’re a GOOD GIRL! Come sit in Daddy’s lap! Oh, you don’t want me to pet you? You want to Lap Dance instead? Okay, I won’t stop you! Meeee-Yow!
Copyright © 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights Reserved, as Reinforcements against Unreserved lefts!
This Weeks Homework Assignment!
How can you Control Health Care Costs, if you don’t know what the so called “real” prices are?
How can you set “real” prices, if you don’t understand the often arbitrary conditions and expectations, involved in setting a price?
And your Simple, Bumpkin Answer is YOU think The Magic Market will set the Price for you? The market, through the supply and demand curves, will set the correct, efficient and “real” price for you?
Well my friend, you’re just at Square One! And I would politely suggest that you don’t know very much about markets, or economics, or the behavior of businessmen. But you think you do!
* * *
The Myth of the Mystical, Magic Pudding Market
You have to Eat your Meat, if you want any Pudding! How can you have any Pudding, if you don’t Eat your Meat? Without a Price on your Meat, or on your Pudding, you Won’t know how much Meat, or Pudding, you can Afford to Eat!
How can you build a Brick Wall, if you don’t really know the Price of a Brick? How can you be Thick, if you don’t know how thick a Brick, a Dick, or a Wall is? How can you not be a Prick, if you’re just another Dick, IN the Wall?
(see Jethro Tull, “Thick as a Brick”, and Pink Floyd, “Just Another Brick in the Wall”.
Jethro and Floyd were Biblical Gospel Singer Prophets, who wrote confusing religious parables about Bricks, Dicks, Pricks, and Walls, played electric guitar in Christian rock bands, and sold fish to starving Jewish fishermen, who believed in a Super Prophet called “The Electric Fisherman”, who walked on water because his Scientology Sneakers had a FLOTATION DEVICE, a Ghost like Holy Air Gel in them, to absorb Spiritual Shock, so he could walk long Crusade Distances Across Holy Water, filled with Filtered fishes, that are very popular with Jewish People.
Filtered fishes were the Biblical equivalent of today’s Filtered Water, which removes toxic right wing religious air wave pollutants, from right wing fish tanks.)
Next semester’s lectures will be from my recent books, “Exactly How the Universe Works!”, “How God Created the Perfect Competition Market”, “Exactly Who God Is, and Why He Wants You Spanked!”, and “No Rules for the Rich, and You Can Be Rich Too!”, and “3 Easy Steps for Crooks, Criminals, Conservatives, and Christians !”
I will also include lectures from my newest books, “The Universe in 3 Easy Steps!”, “Why God Talks to Me, and Only to Me, and Not You, You Bastard Religious Imposter!”, and “Bernard, the New Health Care Prophet!”.
And bonus lectures from “Healing Without Science!”, and “How Frosted Flakes Can Clean Your Colon of Shitty Thoughts!”, including the thought that a market sets a “perfect” price, rather than reflecting many hidden Market forces!
Now, let me just plug in this here gitar, and play me some “Fire”, by Jiminy Hendrix Cream. Now, that’s one dude who knew how to smoke a Fish! Hey Joe, ain’t that right? Or are you just in a Purple Haze, from running All Along the Watchtower?
And just remember, we’re all alone here on The Third Stone from the Sun, except for God, who’s watching us fuck it all up.
We sho givin’ Him a Good Show tho’, ain’t we? A Death defyin’, Plot squeakin’, Edge o your seat thrilla’! Shoot, is it getting’ Hot in this here thee-ater, or is it just me?
Stay Tuned, we MIGHT be here, tomorrow! Same Planet, different Climate! But we’ll adapt, we’ll just move the rabbit ears a little further over to one side, and put on an Ozone Hat!
Pass me that Sun Cream, I’m getting’ a little Burned! You want some? It’s got a nice scent to it! Hmm, aahh! I think it’s called Fresh Barbecued White People, in the brown bottle!
* * *
Top 27 Things You Hear from Your Health Insurance Company! On the Phone, with Your Personal, Corporate, "Death Panel Bureaucrat"!
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)