GOP Says, "Gulf Oil Spill a Good Thing!"

When Does Littering, Become a Crime?

Who Needs a Cop, When the Rich Corporate GOP, Is On the Beat, On Dawn Patrol?

Chow Down, Baby! Rich Corporate Republicans, Love a Free Lunch, Just Like Any One Else!

Q: When Does an Incentive to Create Jobs, Become a Dangerous, Double Edged Sword?

A: When the Incentive To Innovate, Is Also an Incentive, to Cut Corners and Cheat!

Q: When Does an Incentive, Or a Tax Cut, Turn Into a “Free Lunch Handout”, For the Corporate Rich?

A: When They Would Have Done It ANYWAY, Without the Handout!

Brain Teaser: Q: When Is a Poorly Maintained, Non-Working, Anti-Blow Valve, On an Ocean Oil Rig, No Longer a “Burdensome, Unnecessary, Business Smothering Regulation?”

A: When It Becomes a Defective Catastrophic LEAK!

Hey Y’all! Fill ‘er Up, With Some “Louisiana Red!” A Low Octane, “Aqua Oil”, Power Packed with Dead Fish Bits, and Bird Protein! You’ll Feel Like Your Car Is Running On Feathers!

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GOP Touts Free Market Spout! Says Oil Leak Is “God’s Gift” To the Gulf, and To the South!

Jeff Davis City - - Headquarters of the Holy Confederate Republican Party (Associated Corporate Full Court Press, both basketball and bar associations!) Story by “Stonewall” Jackson, The Rock of the GOP, at the Battle of “The Republican Bull Run”, 2010, and writer of the books, “The Lost Golf Balls of the Conservative Lost Cause”, “The Last Real Reporter”, and “Why Tax Cuts Are Good For a Conservative’s Shriveled, Evil, Loveless Heart”.

May, 2010 - - Republicans said today that the BP gulf oil spill is a wonderful and uplifting example of how an unregulated free market, and private enterprise, are always finding new and innovative ways to deliver oil directly to the people at the lowest possible transportation costs.

GOP leaders said that BP should be “congratulated” for figuring out that “free ocean currents” were the cheapest, most efficient, and most direct way to get Oil to the People of America, in this time of Energy Need. “The guy who figured that one out should get a Freedom Patriot Enterprise Innovator Medal!” said GOP Kentucky Senate leader, Bitch MyCuntill.

GOP leaders also said that without castrated, ineffective government regulatory agencies, agencies that had been effectively blocked, taken over, and shut down, by Corporate Lobbyists, the “Direct Oil to the People Program” would not have been possible.

GOP Senator Bitch MyCuntill, from the great hillbilly state of Ol’ Kentuck’, said in his folksy, aw shucks, grandpa child molester, southern sheriff, standing in the doorway blockin’ Progress, southern redneck Drawl, “This is a Perfect Example of how Government programs are always failures, and the Private Sector does the Job best!”

He went on to say, “Once the regulatory agencies had their Balls chopped off by the Lobbyists, the Oil industry was free to re-blendify, re-flavor, and enrich the oil deprived waters of the Gulf of Mexico, with a rich fertilizer of life giving, fossilized, mineral rich, moisturizing and shampoo conditioning Nutrients, that will allow our 4 by 4 monster pickup trucks to continue living for decades longer!”

“The oil, along with the added cleansing detergents, will give our Gulf Waters a sexy, wave tossed Sheen, with added Bounce and Color, to what would ordinarily be dull, lifeless water, with fly away split ends! This will attract many Male tourists, who will want to run their fingers thru, and stick their long, rigid, bendable fishing poles, into the sexy gulf Waters, of our Virgin Pure, Fertile White Christian, Wide Open and ready to be Impregnated, Gulf Waters!”

The Senator from Ol’ Kentuck’, a state whose major crops include hillbillies, moonshine, marijuana, illiteracy, and poor health care, said “The innovative Ocean Currents Delivery Program shows you can Trust the unregulated free market, and Corporations, to deliver the most Efficient solution, to Societies Complex Problems!”

“Just think, the oppressed oil is now free of it’s earthly confinement, free of it’s oppression within the trapped, Tyrannical Anti-Liberty Confines of the Commie Socialist Earth, racing to be Free in a Freedom Loving Patriot America! Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!”

“And the wonderful Ocean, bless it’s pure Holy Christian Water Heart, is doing a Superb job of distributing a needed product to the Good Citizens of Flag Waving, White Christian America!”

“Our waters runneth over, with abundant oil! We should all rejoice, at this wonderful Act of God! The unregulated free market, and untamed Corporate Power, are truly God’s Holy Partners, in Creating Man’s Dominion over the Earth, and all its little creatures!”

“And, since the Gulf Ocean Currents are a renewable energy resource, BP is providing us with a perfect blend of fossil and new renewable energy sources, in meeting America’s Energy Needs!”

Signed,
Faint Bernard
The Order of the Holy Water.

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The Rural, Jesus Lovin’, Southern Bumpkin View.

What if we bought a Giant Brita Filter, and chucked it into the Gulf, would that solve the Problem?

What Problem?

If you East Coast, Liberal Faggot Elites, say there is a “problem”, then God damn it, you don’t Love Merca, and YOU are the Problem! Ya Goddamned, Commie Pinko, Fudge Packer Faggot, Homo Queers! Where the fuck are your Christian Values? Just buckle down, shut up, and take whatever the Corporations dish out, no questions asked! Just be glad you got a job!

What, do you have some kinda Problem with Authority? Cuz if you do Pal, then you ain’t bein’ Patriotic, you Commie Socialist Scumbag!

Our Constitutional Founding Fathers Founded this here Patriotic Country so, We, the People, could slaughter and Kill all the Savage UnJesusy Injuns, shoot all the Buffalo for fur coats, AND kill all the Whales in ALL the Oceans so, We, the People, could have lamp oil to read the Holy Bible at night, and see whut kinda Gal we wuz Humpin’, so we could populate and Hold Dominion over the Earth, and spread the word of Jesus, against all them People that believe in the WRONG Religion!

Particularly them thar Moose Limbs thet don’t like Mohammed Cartoons, and them slanty eyed little yellow Asian People, thet believe in God knows whut kinda Weird Rice Bowl Noodle Religion, with all sorts of little bells, and spooky spinning prayer wheels, and them funny religious figures that have nine arms and three penises, and all that other strange UnAmerican what not (plus them sneaky Asians is always studying books, to make us REAL Americans look Stoopid!).

And don’t forgit that Mafia EyeTallyun Catholic Cult! That Pope-a-Dope, Child Molester Religion, with their funny hats, and them Pope Sticks they probably use to diddle the Choirboys with, and Always Spritzing water all over everybody, and then pawin’ and fiddlin’ with the little Choir Boy’s Dicks! Man, them people is Sick!

Don’t you know fucking up the Gulf of Mexico, is part of the price you pay to be a freedom loving Mercan? It’s ONLY a little Oil, ya Big Baby! Get a GRIP! Besides, whut do we care about the Gulf of Mexico? It’s MEXICAN, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!

THEY AIN’T EVEN WHITE CHRISTIANS! WELL, OKAY, THEY’S CHRISTIAN, BUT THEY AIN’T FULL WHITE CHRISTIANS, THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!

SO THEY DON’T EVEN COUNT AS FULL HUMANS!

COME ON, GET THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE HERE!

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Copyright © 2010. By Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.

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South, At the Border! “Pancho, Why Is the Holy Water On Fire? Is God Angry At the Gringos?”

“Aieee, Chee Wawa! Those Crazy Gringos are at it again! I don’t mind cleaning a few swimming pools, and raking the lawn, but a whole Ocean?”

“Pero el dinero es bueno! (*but the money is good!)

“How much do they Pay?”

“Below minimum wage.”

“That’s Mucho Bueno dinero! A real White Man Deal! With Free Swim Breaks? Okay, I’ll meet you at dee Boat Dock, manana! 5 am sharp! Happy Days, are here again!”

“But Pancho, you can’t swim!”

“Of course I can! Don’t you know all Mexicans can swim? Why do you think they call us Wetbacks?”

“Besides, if I Drown, the White Man will save me! They are kind hearted, GOOD CHRISTIANS, just like Us!”

“Plus, now we can have fish every Friday, like a Good Catholic should, with detergent, mercury AND petroleum Flavor!”

“Just put some butter on it, burn it, and call it Blackened Blue Fish! Tenderized to the Peak of Perfection!”

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www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com

Y’all come back now! This here Gulf Seafood is 100 percent oil basted, with GOP BP, “Grand Old Plantation Brand, Banana Peel Flavored” 10W-30, Sour Mash Petroleum, for that True GOP BP southern fried Flavor!

It’s Mmm, Mmm, Lickin’ Good! You Betcha! Sure as shootin’ yerself in the Foot! Also cures Foot in Mouth Disease! Pour some on an Oil Slick, and you’ll feel better!

Works good in yer Hair too! Makes a mighty fine toothpaste, if you don’t have no Big Gubmint, commie socialist, Health Keer, and you can’t afford that super expensive, Big Insurance Company No Care!

“Take it from me, I’m “Louisiana Red”, the anti-Commie, patriot supportin’, Corporate Lovin’, Southern Bubba Republican! The smartest guy, both in the dinghy, and smack dab, up High and Dry, on the dock!”

“I ain’t going nowhere, except maybe to the Big Gubmint, Socialist Handout, Unemployment Office, for a socialist Unemployment check, until we mop up this mess, put it in Oak Barrels, and Fine Age it, for a few years! When that day comes, we’ll be in High Cotton!”

“Hell, we’ll be able to sell this shit for Boat Varnish, Hemorrhoid Crème, and House Paint, and to Upscale, Boutique, Sissy Wine Bars, run by Homos, with Fancy Fern Plants!”

[Tapping his head.]

“Ya see, I got that Innovatin‘, always thinking, job creatin’, Business Kind of a mind!”

“Yes sir! Ain’t this Cuntry gerrate? Po-lootin’ the Gulf! Now that, is whut I call, a Job Creatin’ Opportunity!”

“The Land of Innovation! The Land Of Opportunity! And Fuck Everybody Else!”

“Don’t get in my way, I’m getting Mine, and everybody else, well, they can just Die!”

“I don’t care who I gotta step on, or whut I gotta do, to GET TO THE TOP!”

“I just gotta BE ME!”

“That’s what I call a Totally free, unregulated, FREE Market!”

“Yes, Sir, just like the Wild West, with Cowboys, and Dead Buffalo, and Dead Indians!”

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Y’all come back now!

There’s more where this comes from!

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