“Unbelievable! The Confederate Red State Republicans, Run Out the Clock, to Win the Football Game!”
In the Great Halls of Brilliant Republican Power, they have apparently decided their Nu Political Strategy for the years 2008 to 2012, is to Stall, Run out the Clock, and Blame all the Problems on the New Guy!
First, whatever National Problems began during Bush’s term, or grew bigger, or were caused by Bush, or made worse by Bush, or Blew Up during President Bush’s 8 year term, spraying Crap all over everybody, we will NOW put All the Blame on the New Guy, the Black President, the guy who is obviously GUILTY, cuz we All Know the Black Dudes are always Guilty!
Secondly, the Republicans will try to Stop Obama from accomplishing anything at all. This is called “running out the clock” when you are ahead in a football game. You sit on your safe lead in points, or in this case your “obstructionist advantage”, and you only try to prevent the other football team from scoring, but you don’t try any risky point gains for yourself, that might jeopardize your current position.
This is Very Important, because it sets the Stage for the Next Election, when everyone asks, “Are you better off now, then you were four years ago?” And THEN, when Nothing gets done after 4 years, and the Republicans have stopped any Democrat Goals, and the new election has arrived, you can say, “See, he’s Incompetent! I told you a Black Monkey President couldn’t get anything done! Becuz blacks never are good workers!” (This plays very well in Rural Confederate States, that still fly the “bars and stars of Merca”. Place hat over heart, bow head, and murmur, “The Lost Cause shall rise Again!”)
Blame It On Obama!
In short, “We will blame Everything on Obama, because he is the guy, that in Republican Twisted Logic Land, is the guy that “Really Caused all these Problems to begin with!”
Whatever problems “WE”, that is, the Republicans CAUSED, Botched up, made Worse, or Fucked up completely, over the last eight “Bush Lite Years”, IF they aren’t all FIXED by the end of Obamas First Term in Office, WE WILL BLAME IT ALL ON, drum roll please, Obama!
If these Republican Caused Problems (known as RCP), which we NOW know were really all caused by Liberals anyway, if they haven’t been Perfectly Fixed by Obama in 2012, then these problems are ALL, trumpet fanfare, Obama’s FAULT to begin with!
Ad Campaign for 2012! The Bad Monkey Nigger DID It!
I can see the GOP campaign ads for 2010 and 2012 now! “Unemployment at historical highs! Socialist big gubmint takes over Auto companies! Free health care for Niggers! Gubmint Wastes Money on Wall Street Bonuses! Who did it, who caused it all?”
“OBAMA! Not Bush! OBAMA! The Nigger President DID IT!”
“Vote Republican! WE’ll fix it, and make it ALL BETTER! Give us your boo-boo finger cut, and we’ll kiss it, and make it better, you Big Voter Baby! Waaah!”
“We’ll give you Morning in America again! Give you back your Confidence! Make your Dick hard again! Let you spend money like water on Big SUV’s, Credit Cards, and Giant Screen TV’s!”
“We’ll give you Fluffy Pancakes, Oil Wells in your BACK YARD, and free gas and cable TV! You’ll never have to worry about ANYTHING EVER AGAIN! The sun has come up on Tomorrow!
[Little Orphan Annie sings to Daddy Warbucks in high girly voice.]
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
Tomorrow is a Brand New Day!”
“All we have to do is GET RID of Government, Deregulate Business Completely, Abolish Taxes, tack a copy of the Constitution on the cabin wall, lock and load the semi-auto, and then let the LAW of the Libertarian Jungle Prevail, where life will be Nasty, Brutish, and Short!
That is, IF you don’t have an AK-47, an armored tank, a walled Compound Fort, night vision glasses, a thousand years of worth of Survival Rations, beef Jerky, soda pop, chips, camouflage hats and shirts, a crossbow, turkey caller, and a can of deer piss to disguise your scent.”
“Are You Better Off Now, than you were 4 years ago? Of course Not! The problems CAUSED by the Republicans were so HUGE, one man couldn’t possibly solve them all in 4 short years! But blame it on the black man’s ASS, and Let Whitey off the hook!”
Whitey Bushman say [as he gets slammed up on hood of cop car] “I is INNOCENT! Dat a Fact! Whutch you lookin’ at me fo? I didn’t Fuck Up No Economy! That Black Prezident did it! It’s ALL Obama’s FAULT!”
(This ad approved by the "White Improvement Society of the American Patriot Freedom Liberty Daughters of Ancient Flat World Traditions", the “Small Town Christian White Citizens of White America”, and the “Jesus Anti-Jewish and Anti-Nigger Christian Rapture Movement of Patriot Freedom America”.
Also heartily endorsed by “The Freedom Patriot, Volunteer Christian, White Fundamentalist, Born Again Republican, No Tax, No Government, Old Time Ancient Thoughts Think Tank, and Militia Libertarian, Survivalist Foundation, for a Better Traditional White Power, American Patriot World”.
Paid for by the recent US Supreme Court Decision, which allows Unlimited Paid Ads from Corporations, and says that “Corporations are now Equal to Real People”, with full citizenship rights, just like you and me! )
Avoid Your Original Responsibility! And Pass It on to the Next Guy!
In the Brilliant Idiocy of the Talk Show Pundidiots, and according to the “Responsibility Avoiding Republican Partyers”, Obama from now on will, get this, “OWN” The Problems!
They’re His! WHY? Because, of course, HE CAUSED THEM, and because the people have a short memory, and the “news” media will Never educate them to the Boring “Ratings Killer” Real Story that the Republicans caused the current problems. That would diminish the “Conflict Factor” that hypes the “news” and causes ratings excitement!
And of course, the mainstream media will not tell a story that goes against the interests of their Rich Republican Corporate Owners, who now control our Roman Senators and Congressmen thru the use of the Lobbyist Puppet Masters, and their Great Puppet Strings of Money, attached to the arms and legs of “our” Senators and Congressmen.
GOP Brand “Easy-Off” Truth Cleanser! Removes Nasty Truth Stains in a Jiffy! And It Leaves the Nigger Prez Twisting in the Wind, Come Election Time!
See how Easy it is to wipe away Truth, with GOP Brand “Truth Removing Scrubbing Bubbles!”
“Obama, once in office, is now Responsible for fixing all the Previously Caused Problems”, easily Morphs into “Obama CAUSED All the Previous Problems!”
Being Responsible for tackling the inherited problems now that he’s in office, changes into “HE CAUSED THEM!” If he can’t fix the Republican caused Problems, the problems are now all Obama’s Fault! It’s Republican NuLogic!
Easy as 1, 2, 3! Doesn’t have to make sense, just has to “Sound” like it makes sense!
Puncho, the Illegal Republican! Hitting Below the Bible Belt, and South of the Border! Ouch, I Blew Off My Little Chihuahua, With a Little Fire Cracker Under My Poncho! The GOP “Cock Bomber”, Rises and Inflates Again, Striking Terror, into the Hearts of Scared, Not Too Bright Voters!
The dirty fighting, illegal Republicans, stand there, clutching their Straw Sombrero Borderline Hats, and say, “Senor, ees Not My Problema! I No Speakee English! I Didn’t Cause all these National Problems! They’re the Black Guy’s Fault!”
“The Black Guy Did It! Not Me! I just blow the Leaves, and cut your Lawn! I didn’t cause the Big Economic Meltdown!”
“I’m just little old Pancho, from South of dee Border! I’m just a Chihuahua! Why you always blame the Mexican Guy? You know, it’s all Obama’s Fault!”
“Geez, Senor, give a poor Republican a Break! I may drink Bush Lite now and then, but I’m no Crazy Bush Tumble Weed! If you want to know who caused all these problems, Senor, pin it on the Black Dude, we all know the Black Guy is always Guilty!”
“Hey Gringo! Pssst! You want to buy some good Lynch Rope? I have some good strong rope in my truck, made especially for black Presidents! I give you a good price! Yes? It’s called ‘Republican Rope a Dope Strategy’, cuz it will fool all the dumb Blue Collar Rednecks, and the suburban Independents!”
How Hard It is to Be a Christian Republican! Holy Jesus, Please Save Me Now, From My Past, Present. and Future Lies! Can I Get in Heaven, If I ReWrite the GOP History Book? Forgive Me Lord, I’m Only Lying, to Serve YOU Better!
Ever notice how the Republicans are always talking about “Taking Responsibility, and Accepting the Consequences of Your Actions?”
Except when the Republican’s are Responsible, and the Republicans are at Fault.
REPEAT THAT!
Except when the Republican’s are Responsible, and the Republicans are at Fault.
Then it becomes “Moral Relativism Time”, something Republicans normally don’t like, except when it conveniently shifts the blame to the “Liberal Responsibility Time Zone”!
Moral relativism time is very similar to “Miller Time”, except, of course, you guessed it, you serve “Don’t Blame the Republican” Beer! Si, Senor!
Open up a cold bottle of “Don’t Blame the GOP” Beer (from Old GOP Southern Mash Distillery, their Southern market co-brand), becuz we don’t want to lose all dee White Votes, now do we?! No Suh! Especially dem dumb white Blue Collar Redneck Votes!
Splurt! Uh, sorry, Missy, I didn’t mean to spit my tobacco juice so close to your virgin white buckskin shoes, and soil your Pure Crystal White Virginity! I’m ah just doing my Southern Gentlemanly Duty, and protectin’ you from that Nigger Prezident, who is tryin’ to Rape you, with his Big Gubmint ManDingo Mandate!
Hoe Down Time! Who Said Ya Gotta Dance With the One That Brung Ya?
And then, after a few shots and bottles of “Don’t Blame GOP” Beer, it’s the “Republican Party, White Nigger, Hoe Down Time” at the Political Prostitute Palace!
[Republican Helmet Hair Politician, speaking into the TV microphone, while being arrested on “Cops”, for “deregoolating” and melting down the economy] : “I didn’t do Nuffin’! Whutch you Arrestin’ me fo? I didn’t cause No Problems! It was Dat Funky Liberal Black Dude that did it! I wasn’t even Near the Scene of the National Problems!” (Sound familiar? It’s the Republican “White Nigger”!)
[GOP dude gets banged onto hood of Cop Car, and yells at Cop] : “You know whut I’m Sayin’? You can axe anybody, I didn’t do a goddamned, motherfuckin’ THING to the Economy! YOU got that, HONKY White Boy!”
“I’m the Nu Republican White Nigger Party! And don’t you ferget it! I’m telling you the NuTruth, you Cream of Halfwitwheat! I wants me a lawyer, or a good public relations man, or a GOP think tank history rewriter!”
“And I done proved my Innocence, with GEOMETRIC NuLogic, that the Missing Financial Strawberries, and the key to the Ice Cream Locker was Never, Ever Out of My Sight! As sure as my name is Captain White Ass Candy Caine, of the U.S.S. Old GOP Yellow Stain! And I Will Brook No Mutiny of Dumb White Voters, on my Republican Party, Party Ship!”
“SO HELP ME, GOD! And right about now, I needs all the help God can gives me, cuz I been a Bad Republican Captain of the Ship!”
“I’ve been a Bad GOP Monkey! I Pooped on the National Economic Carpet! And this ‘Holy Water, Christian Steam Cleaner’, that I rented from Jesus at Jesus Direct.Com, ain’t getting out my Economic Crime Sin Stains, anywheres near the needed Mighty White Quick!”
“Shit…It’s Hard being a Republican White Nigger! Everybody blames everything on Me! Can’t we go back to blamin’ everything on the Other Nigger? That was a lot more FUN!”
“CAN’T YOU SEE? It’s ALL the BLACK GUY’S FAULT! WE DIDN’T DO NUFFIN!”
“IT’S THE NIGGERS FAULT!”
That’s the NuRepublican Strategy! It’s the Niggers Fault!
BLAME THE NIGGER!
THE NIGGER DID IT, NOT ME!
BLAME THE NIGGER!
TRUST ME, IT’S TRUE!
AND…IT’LL WORK!
NIGGER DID IT! NANA, NANA, NA NA! NIGGER DID IT! NIGGER DID IT!
(The following has been APPROVED by the “White Christian, Republican Southern, ‘Blame the Nigger’ Council of Lily White, Pure Christian, Small Town, God Fearin, Humble and Kindly, Jesus Lovin, White Town Folk”. Praise be to Jesus! We all love ya! We really do! It’s just the niggers we don’t like!)
All these Big, white, Powerful Republican Senators, and it all boils down to “Blame the Nigger”! Ain’t America Great!?
Signed,
Captain, no, wait, Rear ADMIRAL Faint Bernard!
And with you Baby, I’ll forever be your doggy style “Rear Admiral”!
Full Cream ahead! I’m coming Now! Any port in a storm, and I’m a Stormin’ Your Port! Open dee Harbor Gates, I’m a comin’ Through! Full Speed ahead, and don’t Damn my Huge, Purple Red, throbbing Torpedo!
(see Humphrey Bogart, in The Caine Mutiny, for responsibility for the financial strawberries in the ice cream locker, and for how he locked himself into his own personal “strawberry fruit loops mental locker”, and see the Union Civil War Admiral Farragut, who said, “Damn the Torpedoes! Full speed Ahead!”, as he steamed, steaming mad, into the virgin Mobile, Alabama harbor, and whupped them Southern Rebel, Secessionist, Redneck Asshole, Red State Traitors!)
Copyright © 2010 by Bernard Drums! All rights, starboards, ports, sherries, and Republican port wine stains, are Reserved, recertified, petrified, and mortified, on and into Eternity! So sayeth The Lord, and his Administrative Ass-kiss Assist-dent, Old Faint Bernard!
Toot! Toot! Here come dee Boat!
Oh, No! That’s not a Boat! Dats dee Lock Nest Monster!
Full Speed ahead, on My Head! Damn! My Torpedo is Explodin’ Now!
Splish splash, it’s all over your Creamy, Big, Slippery Ass!
Toot! Toot! Rock dee Boat!
Rock dee boat, BABY!
I’m a Comin’ NOW!
I’m your REAR Admiral!
And you’re my little Sweet Salty Sea Dog!
And Remember! Kiss, but don’t tell!
Becuz you do it SO Well!
And neither one of us, wants you to go to Hell!
Woof! WOOF! WHOOOOO!
GOOD DOGGIE!
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www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Bad Monkey! You’re gonna have to eat an extra Banana, for dessert!
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