The "Truth Sandwich", at the Republican "Deli-cate-lesson". Do You Want that With White, or Rye Lies? How About a Smear of Cheese?

Brought to you by the Wholesome Goodness of Republican Think Tank Kitchens, where Family Values never conquer lies! Have we got a dish for you! Our Truth "Chips' are always Thin and Crispy!

Okay, TV viewers, here's how to make a Republican "Truth Sandwich"!

Take a thin sliver, or slice of truth from over here, add a thin slice of truth from over there, sprinkle it with little flavorful bits of chopped up half-truth, smear it with a layer of partly true mustard, and put it all between two thin slices of spongey white Wonder Truth Bread, and magically, sitting before you is a Truth Sandwich!

A construction of half-truths, that proves whatever it is you want to prove!

It doesn't matter if any of the ingredients are true, or logically connected in any way. To put it bluntly, the logic or truth doesn't matter.

What matters is, it all has to "Sound and Look Logical", and "Sound and Look Reasonable", for it to "Appear to Be True" to your Target Audience of Low IQ Blue Collar Bumpkins.

What matters is that your side has slapped, glued, and nailed all the truth bits together. Your team has stuck the pieces together, and constructed what looks like a "Solid Looking Truth Proof"!

It doesn't matter if the pieces are true, or if the logic is correct, or if the conclusion is true. All that matters is if it sounds like it's true, to your Average Blue Collar Not Too Bright Bumpkin.

If it appears to prove your point, if the logic appears to be logical, then you've succeeded. None of it has to be really true or logical. None of it. It just has to seem true, and seem logical...like the Sun going around the Earth. It does, doesn't it?

It's Faux Truth, or Nutruth. An artificial, synthetic, junk food truth substitute. A NuTruth Sweetener, and a Zero Calorie empty truth food. A highly processed, bleached and refined, truth food substitute, the best that Republican money can buy. From the clever chefs at the GOP Thinktank Kitchens! Where Family Values and Truth have been burnt to a Crisp!

Signed,
Faint Bernard
aka, Chief ThunderTruth
Talkemjaw Tribe
Big Truth Reservation
Bureau of White Man Lies
Forked Tongue, South Dakota

Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including the right to say, "Mommy and Daddy! I want to grow up and work for a Republican Thinktank, because it's where Honest People work!"

This message has been brought to you by Pharma-GOP, the makers of Cream of Truth, the NuTruth Pill, and Truth Benders, the low calorie truth pudding dessert. "When you want to be in a Republican Frame of Mind, Low Calorie NuTruth puts you there in a Jiffy! For Extra Slim Thoughts, eat NuTruth, by Pharma-GOP! It's Hmm-Hmm-Good!"

WARNING! Consuming too much GOP Brand NuTruth may cause Anal Leakage, Mental Starvation, Anorexic Anemic Analysis, Bull-liemia, Ann Cooterism, Corporate News Pox, or even Brain Death! However, people with low intelligence are able to consume far higher Dosages of NuTruth, before acquiring NuTruth Obesity.

This is what is So Amazing about GOP Brand NuTruth--it is both an empty calorie truth food, and it is also filled with Useless Saturated High Density Fat! This is accomplished by a highly Scientific Republican Technique called "Truth Blend"! (trademark and patent pending)