Nashville Pied Pipers, Sing Me a Tune!
Hey, Country Music Boy! We all know about your dog, your 4 wheeler, your cheatin Whore or your Wife, and why we should ALL want a Country Boy Life!
But how about writin’ me a song about free-wheelin’ Republican Hound Dog Senators, lettin’ big American companies hide cash in Off Shore Tax Cheat Loopholes, and giving Big Tax Breaks to “Corporate Welfare Sinkholes” , and then Scrimping and Cheatin’ on the Needs of the Middle Class and the Workin’ Class Poor, while the Corporate Bill Collector is knockin‘ hard on the Country Boy Trailer Door!
How bout writin’ me a song about King George Bush gibbin’ all dee Money to them Corporate Slicks “Holly Burton, Blacky Waters, and Walt Street”! And Tax Cuts fo dee Feelthy Rich! And then de-regoolatin’ Wall Street till it Burns Down the “Wall Street Frat Party” House, and takes down the rest of the Nation with it, in a Mortgage Meltdown, Credit Crunch, Jobless Recession that came real close to being another Great Depression.
Yep, them smooth talkin’ Republican Senators, creatin’ a Boogeyman Deficit , by going into Two Wars without Payin’ for ‘em, and then Screaming we can’t give you Health Care, because we have to pay for a Deficit and a War Machine, in a far off Hillbilly Non-Nation!
Imagine that! An Afghan/Iraq Hillbilly is worth more than a toothless American Hillbilly! (Hey! I ain’t bein’ Racist! Disclaimer: All Human Life is Worth the Same! That’s why we’re not gonna give you the Same health Care your Senator Has! Got it?)
Let me see if I got this straight. The rich Republican Senators, get us into Two Wars, without figuring out how their gonna pay for ’em, creating a big Deficit, then they ask the Country Boy to Sacrifice a few Arms, Legs and Lives to fight them wars, but the Senators won’t raise taxes on the rich to share in the Sacrifice of the War Effort, or to lower the Deficit the War Created, and then the Senators turn around and say “I can’t give the Poor Country Boy Health Care, because I don’t want to raise Taxes on the Rich and the Corporations?”
Damn, Country Boy! How many times does a Mule have to kick you in the head, before you figure that one out?
You better go put your NASCAR Thinking Cap on for this one, cuz by the time them race cars go around and around in a circle 500 times, your Thinking will probably be right back to where you started from! Yep, my dog can chase his Tail faster than you can think!
So, Country Music Boy, how bout writin’ me a song about poor AMERICAN Hillbillies, that got two teeth, and no Health Keer, and ain’t worth a Republican Senator’s Dollar? Huh, Country Boy? Still think your Republican Senator cares about you now?
And sing about how Republican Trickle Down Economics (Tax Cuts fo dee Rich, a lollipop for everybody else! Here, Suck on this!) ain’t worth Spit to live on, and don’t pay all the Beeeels, in Trailer Park Nation.
Ken yee doo that, Country Music Boy, or is that just too hard a song for yoo to rat? Ridin’ around in your Fancy Pants, La-Dee-Da, duded-up, mural painted, Golden mirrored Bus, with your Rich Hollywood Lifestyle, fornicatin’ with all the Big League Cheerleaders, who wear nothin’ but cowgirl boots, and a Rodeo Belt Buckle, while they ride your, uh-hmm, “Bull Ride”, in the back of your Rolling Mansion Bus.
I bet you got Health Keer! Maybe even a Med-Sin Cabinet of Pills? And a personal On-Call Fizzishen? Maybe even sum loopy-doopy Medical Mary-Wanna, if you get nauseated under them hot stage lights? Maybe even a personal “Masoose”, for all them, uh-hem, “Muscle Aches” you get after a real hard night of playin’ Music, on that cold outdoor stage? I know how tough a job thet ken be. Strummin’ thet Gitar ken be a real bitch.
Maybe you should stick to rattin’ about your dog, and poking chicks. It’s a lot easier for ya’.
We don’t wanna make things too hard for ya, do we, Country Music Boy?
Yep! Go along...get along. Don’t wanna rock the Country Music Gravy Boat.
What a Patriot! A Man of the Little People! Yes Sir!
Always thinking about, and thanking your Fans, and thanking Jesus!
Even if they don’t have Health Keer!
Keep on foolin’ your Country Fans, just like them Big Rich Corporations, and Senators do!
Profit...that’s all that counts, right? Just Wave the Flag, then collect the Money, any way you can. A real Cuntry Muzak boy!
Hell, Boy, if you got sumthin’ wrong with your peckerwood, and don’t have no Health Keer, well, I’ll just loan ya my trusty, rusty Pocket knife! And ya don’t even have to thank me, cuz I’m just bein’ Neighborly!
Ain’t that Mighty White of me? And Real Christian like, too? And I’ll pray for ya, that you, your sick kid, or whatever Family Member is ailing, will get well in a right jiffy.
Or, on the other hand, if you haven’t been keeping up with the health insurance premiums, have you heard the Word? Jesus will cure ya! And if he don’t, well, I guess you just don’t believe hard enough in Jesus Healing the Sick!
Hell, boy, you gotta work harder on being a Better Christian! Now dontcha? When was the last time you was in church, prayin’ for Jesus to heal ya? Well, see, get on down there and start making up for that lost prayer time! How are ya ever gonna get better if you don’t start prayin’ now?
Signed,
Faint Bernard
The Old Fashioned Cure for Anything that Ails You!
Manufactured by The Old South “Mighty White” Corporation.
Directions: Drink directly from the bottle, or pour into the Wound, and I GUARANTEE you will be talking to JESUS! Real Soon! Also improves your driving ability!
Copyright © 2010. By Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
How ya like them apples, huh, Country boy?
Don’t get sick! You hear me, Boy?
Cuz good ol’ Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky will be Operating on you with Horse Pills, and a Band Saw! And that probably won’t be a Whole lot of Fun, you know whut I mean, huh, Cuntry Boy?
Plink! Damn! I just busted a gitar string and tore my finger nail! Damn, that hurts! Here girl, why don’t you just suck on that and make it feel better? Oh, yeah, that feels much better! Now that’s whut I call Universal Health Care! Wink-wink! You know whut I mean, Cuntry boy?
Yep, that’s the way it is in American Health Care! You gotta get fucked, before it will ever get better!
You hear me, Cuntry Boy?
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www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com
Y’all come back, now! I got lots more where this comes from! You hear me, BOY?
That’s whut’s so wonderful about the South! We all knows our Manners down heer, and we sure are Neighborly, and we are the Mightiest White Christians you ever did see!
Now pass that bottle of “Old Healer”, I done needs me sum good ol’ Southern Health Keer!
Wake me up, when the Tumor’s gone!
Do ya think I’ll feel better if that Jackass Kentucky Republican Senator, Bitch MyCuntill, kicks me in the head with his Horse?
Or maybe the Republicans could just give me a good Whipping, for having the Nerve to get Sick?
Think about it, Country Boy! That is, if you do Think!
Yes, sir! You da smartest boy on the farm!
You smarter than everybody in the whole wide world!
Got it all figured out!
Got your shit kicker boots, your cowboy hat, and your NASCAR cap!
Ain’t nobody smarter than you.
And that’s partly why the health care system is busted, and falling apart.
Cuz you think it’s just fine! You don’t know what’s wrong with it, you haven’t suffered from it, you haven’t experienced where it’s busted, and so you’re afraid to change it.
Write me a song about that, Country boy, if you can.
And then you can get up at the Country Music Awards, and really thank Jesus for healing the sick, and getting you on the Radio!
I’m sure he’ll appreciate it!
Stay healthy now! And don’t get Sick! You hear?
And make sure you got a Big Deductible, say 12,000 dollars, saved up in your “Health Savings Account”, with the money from your job they just shipped Overseas, or all the jobs Wall Street just Blew Up in their Wild Mortgage Meltdown Credit Finance Freeze.
The Big Rich Boys, Always Against the “Little People”. Some Things Never Change!
The Big Boys have Health Keer. The Senators, the CEO’s, the Insurance Executives, the Super Rich. How about you, Country Boy, how about you?
Are they more American than you? You’re the one always spoutin’ how American you are! Do they deserve Health Care more than you?
Why should your Senator have better health care than you? Your Senator works for you, he represents you, he’s your Public Servant! He’s not your King! We got rid of the King 200 years ago! You and me, we, are the King now!
Think about it Country Boy, think about it while your Singing about the good old Red, White, and Blue.
Do the Rich and Powerful deserve it all, and you deserve spit?
What’s your Life Worth, Country Boy?
Is your Senator worth more Health Care than you, in this land of Ours?
Or are you just a worthless piece of Cow Shit, on the bottom of the Human Ladder, and don’t deserve the same Health Care he has, paid for with Your tax dollar?
Think about it, Country Boy, and get back to me when you write that song.
And to show you how neighborly I am, I’ll play drums on it for you! Cuz I’m just as good as them Hollywood Studio Drummers.
Maybe even better.
I’ll put some Extra Life, some special drummer Care, in your Country Tune.
Whaddaya say, Country Music Boy?
You got it in yee, or do ya ain’t?
Do you want “your loyal Fans” to have health care, or do you just want them to buy tickets to your Show?
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Oh, and so ya don’t think I Forgot ya, this also applies to you, Country Music Girl! Don’t think you’re off the Hook that easy! You can’t just write songs about Cooter Rides, cheatin men, and back seat lovin’. Them babies need health care, too! And all them Female Plumbing Parts, that need fixin, adjustin, and lubricatin!
And just so ya know I’m right Neighborly, I’m offering to give you all FREE Breast Exams, to do my bit in the fight against Breast Cancer!
Think about that, while your Cradling your sexy hand, opening your mouth nice and wide, and Chewin’ on that Big Black Chrome Microphone Bone, with the knobby round hard metal HEAD.
Oh yeah, baby! That’s a SHURE thing! Guaranteed to Last! With a heart shaped, cardioid pickup pattern, designed to reduce “Stage Leakage”! And a ruler straight response curve, whether you want a deep and low frequency of 50, or a high and fast 15,000 Hertz!
Oh, yeah Baby! Make it Hurts! For Shure! Plug it in, and hold it right up to your mouth! Now open wide, and let it ALL, COME Out!
That’s the way to Sing, Baby!
That’s the way to Sing!
You got the touch!
That’s what I call a Vocal Instrument! A real Gift from God!
You take good healthy care of it now, yoo hear?
That is, if you can afford to!
You know whut I mean?
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