Republicans are like a bunch of college fraternity brothers, who hold a wild party, burn down the Frat House, and then complain about the big bill from the insurance company to rebuild the House.
Something like "burdening the future frat brothers with draconian and unneccessary Debt. The Unfairness of it all! We shouldn't have to spend a dime to rebuild the Frat House! That would be Imprudent, and Rash Economic Behavior!!"
The Republicans, ya gotta love 'em, becuz their Mother and Father sure didn't! It's the only thing that can explain their anal, greedy Selfishness, and Uncaring for others. They're trying to Hang On to every last "Dollar of Love" they can.
And of course, without real love to nourish their shriveled, starving Hearts, yep, you guessed it, the DEVIL got ahold of 'em. Too late for most of them, they're now solidly on the Dark, Demonic Side..."Earth to Deathstar! Your Evil Republican Empire Storm Troopers are awaiting your Orders, Lord Vader!"
In dealing with Republicans, I've decided to "Hate the Sin, but Love the Sinner". Perhaps someday, with Help from Jesus and the Church, they will "Choose" a more Moral and Honest Lifestyle...although it might be Biological, and they can't Choose!
I mean, if Republicans are allowed to Love the Dollar over People, what's next, Republicans marrying Money??
Now that would be just plain Wrong! That would be a "Sinful and Immoral Lifestyle Choice"!
Good Lord! Adam married Eve, not the Dollar!
P.S. President Hoover held on to every last dollar, and Cut spending during the Great Depression of the Thirties, in his theory to cure it...and instead the lower government spending only made the Great Depression even worse!!! Those Republicans sure love to hang on to money.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Republicans: The Whores of the Nation's Economy. The Cost of a Quick Buck, or, More Precisely, a "Quick Fuck".
The Republicans have been complaining about President Obama's plan to jumpstart the Economy, calling it a typical liberal "tax and spend" plan, with socialist overtones.
The Republicans are like a busy, skanky Whore, who after fucking and sucking the Nation dry, and giving it a Bad Case of Social Diseases--Gonnorhea, Syphilis, Venereal Warts, Home Foreclosures, Bank Failures, Credit Drought, Unemployment--now complains about the High Cost of the Prescription to cure the Economically Transmitted Diseases (or, "ETD's").
Out, you Republican Harlot! Out, you damn spot! Get thee to a Nunnery!
See how you like it now, without any stinking Economic Health Care! Let this Plague Rot both your Houses and Senate!
Will a Tax Cut for the Wealthy, cure the open sore and draining pus of this Economic Pox? Only the Republicans seem to know!
And I thought "Un-regulated Capitalism" was Safe!! Forsooth, it twas Hormonally Raging, Unregulated Capitalist Sexonomics, yessir my brothers, plain old "Unsafe Pure Hedonistic Capitalism" that caused this throbbing economy to meltdown on your creamy thighs, and splatter its evil fluids all over your surprised face ! Right here in River City! And that's Trouble, spelled with a capital "T"!
Who knew! What if we put all our Cash and Stocks in a Condom Safe, would that be Safe? Oh,no, Republicans are against condoms too!
If we all Pray to Jesus, would that cure Greedy Republican selfishness??
Why do we need to JumpStart the Economy anyway?? Aren't the rich doing Okay? Why defibrillate the economy's Heart Attack, if the Rich are alright?
I just don't Understand Why the Democrats have to Jumpstart the economy!
Should we ask the Republicans? They know alot about Economic theory, don't they??
They would know how to cure this Economic Disease, wouldn't they?
I mean, wouldn't the Whore know how she got Sick?
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
The Republicans are like a busy, skanky Whore, who after fucking and sucking the Nation dry, and giving it a Bad Case of Social Diseases--Gonnorhea, Syphilis, Venereal Warts, Home Foreclosures, Bank Failures, Credit Drought, Unemployment--now complains about the High Cost of the Prescription to cure the Economically Transmitted Diseases (or, "ETD's").
Out, you Republican Harlot! Out, you damn spot! Get thee to a Nunnery!
See how you like it now, without any stinking Economic Health Care! Let this Plague Rot both your Houses and Senate!
Will a Tax Cut for the Wealthy, cure the open sore and draining pus of this Economic Pox? Only the Republicans seem to know!
And I thought "Un-regulated Capitalism" was Safe!! Forsooth, it twas Hormonally Raging, Unregulated Capitalist Sexonomics, yessir my brothers, plain old "Unsafe Pure Hedonistic Capitalism" that caused this throbbing economy to meltdown on your creamy thighs, and splatter its evil fluids all over your surprised face ! Right here in River City! And that's Trouble, spelled with a capital "T"!
Who knew! What if we put all our Cash and Stocks in a Condom Safe, would that be Safe? Oh,no, Republicans are against condoms too!
If we all Pray to Jesus, would that cure Greedy Republican selfishness??
Why do we need to JumpStart the Economy anyway?? Aren't the rich doing Okay? Why defibrillate the economy's Heart Attack, if the Rich are alright?
I just don't Understand Why the Democrats have to Jumpstart the economy!
Should we ask the Republicans? They know alot about Economic theory, don't they??
They would know how to cure this Economic Disease, wouldn't they?
I mean, wouldn't the Whore know how she got Sick?
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hard Times Survey: Test Yourself to See If You Are a Republican or a Democrat!
Test Questions:
1.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Gay people sneaking up behind you, and humping your ass.
B. The entire financial system of the United States collapsing.
C. Not sure
D. Can I think about it?
2.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Losing your job, your home, and your retirement savings, during a recession.
B. A Gay guy with a dick in his mouth.
C. Not sure
D. Can I think about it?
3.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Having to work at Wal-Mart the rest of your life because your job was shipped overseas.
B. Thinking about a manly looking Lesbian licking another lesbians boo-boo.
C. Not sure.
D. Can I think about it?
4.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Losing your job, losing your identity as a "skilled professional" and "good provider", losing your confidence and self-worth as a human being, and having to sell your house, and move into a crappy apartment, where you can hear the guy above you pissing, snoring, and farting.
B. Getting the shivers over the idea of a gay guy's weeny, inside another guy's butt.
C. Not sure.
D. Can I think about it?
Now Total Your Score!
Any "not sure" or "think about it" answers means you are a shallow Republican robot, or you might be gay, and you should seek help immediately from Jesus, your Eternal Savior, or you will burst into flames for thinking such disgusting Republican thoughts! (Gotcha!)
And when people lose their jobs, homes, and health care, and are hungry and cold, just say "When god closes one door, he always opens another!" Or, "God has a Plan for you, and it's not good!"
Or say, "God never gives you more than you can bear, so be glad it's not worse!" Or "Look on the bright side, you still have Jesus!"
Or, "Thank God your not Gay, or Republican!"
Or, just say, "I'm not sure. Can I think about it?"
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
1.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Gay people sneaking up behind you, and humping your ass.
B. The entire financial system of the United States collapsing.
C. Not sure
D. Can I think about it?
2.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Losing your job, your home, and your retirement savings, during a recession.
B. A Gay guy with a dick in his mouth.
C. Not sure
D. Can I think about it?
3.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Having to work at Wal-Mart the rest of your life because your job was shipped overseas.
B. Thinking about a manly looking Lesbian licking another lesbians boo-boo.
C. Not sure.
D. Can I think about it?
4.) Which one are you more worried about?
A. Losing your job, losing your identity as a "skilled professional" and "good provider", losing your confidence and self-worth as a human being, and having to sell your house, and move into a crappy apartment, where you can hear the guy above you pissing, snoring, and farting.
B. Getting the shivers over the idea of a gay guy's weeny, inside another guy's butt.
C. Not sure.
D. Can I think about it?
Now Total Your Score!
Any "not sure" or "think about it" answers means you are a shallow Republican robot, or you might be gay, and you should seek help immediately from Jesus, your Eternal Savior, or you will burst into flames for thinking such disgusting Republican thoughts! (Gotcha!)
And when people lose their jobs, homes, and health care, and are hungry and cold, just say "When god closes one door, he always opens another!" Or, "God has a Plan for you, and it's not good!"
Or say, "God never gives you more than you can bear, so be glad it's not worse!" Or "Look on the bright side, you still have Jesus!"
Or, "Thank God your not Gay, or Republican!"
Or, just say, "I'm not sure. Can I think about it?"
Copyright 2009 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
New Years Wish: The United Fates of Merca. Welcome President Kcarab Amabo!
TV Newsreporter to Little Girl in Ghetto: "What do you think of our new President?"
Little Girl in Ghetto: "I like him. He's going to Make Everything Perfect."
Fade Out, on the "Repubicans", as they leave the Stage...
Fade in, on painful Reality,
and the Mess the "Repubican" philosophy has made...
Hold Frame, as the Struggle Unfolds, to Fix the Destruction,
the Repubicans left on our Country, and our Age...
Do not Hail the Failed "Repubican" Philosophy!
Get ready, fix the pain, turn a new Page,
Open your Heart, your eyes, and your Mind,
Feel the People's Rage, and Begin a New Day!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
The Bottom rail is on top this time!
Shoe on the other foot now!
Today the Little People take back the Nation, from the Corporate Masters, of the Plantation!
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including the right to See the Unfairness, and Corruption, of the Rich. Yes, it is Class War. It always has been, and it always will.
Little Girl in Ghetto: "I like him. He's going to Make Everything Perfect."
Fade Out, on the "Repubicans", as they leave the Stage...
Fade in, on painful Reality,
and the Mess the "Repubican" philosophy has made...
Hold Frame, as the Struggle Unfolds, to Fix the Destruction,
the Repubicans left on our Country, and our Age...
Do not Hail the Failed "Repubican" Philosophy!
Get ready, fix the pain, turn a new Page,
Open your Heart, your eyes, and your Mind,
Feel the People's Rage, and Begin a New Day!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
The Bottom rail is on top this time!
Shoe on the other foot now!
Today the Little People take back the Nation, from the Corporate Masters, of the Plantation!
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, including the right to See the Unfairness, and Corruption, of the Rich. Yes, it is Class War. It always has been, and it always will.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Election 2008: The Redneck, Blue Collar, Dumb White Lament. Also Applies to the Unaware, and the Unhurt.
"AAAhhhhhhh! I can't vote for the Monkey Man for Prezzydent! No way! No how!"
"I've been trained all my Life to Hate the Monkey Man! I ain't prejudiced, but there's no way I can Vote for the Monkey Man!"
"Hell, my property values will go down!"
(pssst! whisperwhisperwhisper!)
"Whuh? They already have?"
"Oh...Who did that?"
(whisper WallStreet whisper Republicans whisper NoRules)
"Well, he don't have No Experience! It ain't that he's a Monkey Man, he just don't got no Experience!"
"Besides, the Republicans have a whole lot more experience in Running Things! We've had 8 years of the Republicans running things, and if that Monkey Man gets in, he'll just mess things up!"
"The Republicans know whut ther doin'! I'm gonna make the Safe Choice, and Vote for McCain, because I want more of the same as we gots now! Yassuh, them demo-crats will just make things worser than they is now!"
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums. All rights reserved, incloodin ma right to be preejewdoosed.
"I've been trained all my Life to Hate the Monkey Man! I ain't prejudiced, but there's no way I can Vote for the Monkey Man!"
"Hell, my property values will go down!"
(pssst! whisperwhisperwhisper!)
"Whuh? They already have?"
"Oh...Who did that?"
(whisper WallStreet whisper Republicans whisper NoRules)
"Well, he don't have No Experience! It ain't that he's a Monkey Man, he just don't got no Experience!"
"Besides, the Republicans have a whole lot more experience in Running Things! We've had 8 years of the Republicans running things, and if that Monkey Man gets in, he'll just mess things up!"
"The Republicans know whut ther doin'! I'm gonna make the Safe Choice, and Vote for McCain, because I want more of the same as we gots now! Yassuh, them demo-crats will just make things worser than they is now!"
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums. All rights reserved, incloodin ma right to be preejewdoosed.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Top Reasons Republicans Will Use to Convince Whites Not to Vote for Obama
1. Your kids will be forced to sell crack at the school bus stop.
2. Scary black men will invade your home and hump your wife, forcing you to watch. Later, your wife will divorce you, saying "Once you go black, you never go back."
3. Barack Obama will inseminate (screw) your daughter, forcing you to raise a Black Love Child, who will grow up wanting to be a rapper.
4. All your kids, your wife, and your grandparents, will begin wearing sideways baseball hats.
5. You will begin to find dreadlocks attractive.
6. Your rabbi, or preacher, will wear a wall clock, instead of a cross, or star.
7. The entire country will forget how to tie their shoes in rebellion against the white man, and trip-and-fall insurance claims will skyrocket, bankrupting the financial system.
8. While reading in bed at nite,your horny wife will say to you, "What's zup?". You will reply, "Word up!"
9. Rap "music" will replace Muzak in elevators across the nation, causing everyone in the elevator to "booty dance".
10. Potato chips, soda pop, and candy will become the "new nutrition" at all 3 family meals and school lunches.
11. All verbs, except the verb "be", will disappear, and Ebonics will be changed to "Be-onics".
12. Ebonics will become the official language of America, including Mexico, Canada, and China.
13. English grammar teachers will commit suicide in record numbers.
14. People will no longer be allowed to use the letter "s" to distinguish between one cent or fifty cent. Mass confusion will result, causing banks to fail.
15. All white males will be forced to stand on the corner one hour per day, holding their cock with one hand, and a juice box in the other.
16. All white males, especially Asians, will be made to feel inferior, when told the size of Barack Obama's penis. Asians and whites will immediately buy the largest car they can find, to compensate.
17. Booty dancing will replace square dancing in school gym classes.
18. The White House will be "redecorated" with gang grafitti.
19. The First Lady will dye half her hair creamy blonde, and the other half bright strawberry red, and wear tight pants that say "Juicy" across her butt.
20. The President will deliver all speeches with one hand on the podium, and the other on his cock.
21. The traditional Secret Service code name, "Potus", for "President of the United States", will be changed to "Rufus", for "Robber, unreliable, fornicating, unskilled slave".
22. All tough questions at Presidential press conferences will be answered by soft shoe tap dancing.
23. The song "Hail to the Chief", will be changed to Al Jolson's "Mammy", or, the jazz tune, "Watermelon Man", by Clark Terry.
24. The one token white Cabinet member will be forced to wear "black face" makeup, and play a banjo at cabinet meetings.
25. Easy questions at press conferences will be answered by rap "poems", and a bass drum.
26. The White House sign behind the President during speeches will be changed to "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
27. The Presidential Seal will be changed to an Oreo Cookie.
28. The President's title will be changed to "Plantation Master", and tne vice prez to "Master Overseer".
29. The "N-word" will officially become the "N-word". People in the future will not know what the n-word stands for, and only rappers will know.
30. Desert at presidential dinners will be Oreos, and only Oreos.
31. All White House i.d. cards worn around the neck will get tiny gold chain license plate frames, symbolizing the black man's former existence as a "chained people".
32. Ye Olde "House" Gift Shoppe, will begin selling crack, condoms, and prison fashions, with "Property of Da House" printed on them, and a prominent "Obama" label.
33. The title of First Lady will be changed to "First Bitch", "First Slave Bitch Ho", or just, "First Ho".
34. The president will be announced as "YO, Word up! Here be da Prez-dent!"
35. White Secret Service agents will be forced to run behind the President's limo, and sing "I've been workin' on dee chain gang". Black agents will ride on the bumper, and play banjo.
36. Condoleeza Rice will be fired, and replaced by a black chick with a bigger and better ass.
37. The Black Music Industry will air a spinoff of "American Idol", called "The Biggest Ass in America Contest". No singing will be required. The "band" will be a Yamaha Drum Machine, and a guy on a "scritchy-scratchy" turntable.
38. The President will ban psychological torture of prisoners of war, and the Army will no longer be allowed to yell "Your Mama!" at Muslim terrorists. However, if a Muslim terrorist insults a Christian or Jew by calling him an "Unbeliever", the terrorist will be forced to listen to rap "music" 24 hours a day. The Swiss Red Cross protested that this would be cruel and inhumane treatment.
39. Presidential misstatements, backpedaling, or spinning, will be accompanied by a turn-tabler going "scritchy-scratchy, scritchy-scratchy", backing the presidential "record" up or down as necessary.
40.The White House Guard Hut will become a drive-thru burger window called, "McWhiteys".
41. The White House Honor Guard will stop using cannons and rifles, and switch to boomboxes and drum machines. The 21 gun salute will become the 21 Boom Salute.
42. White House Guards will be replaced with Jamaican reggae dudes in giant puffy purple hats, and dreadlocks made of gold spray-painted mops. When the First Lady passes by, they will salute her, and sing "I don't want to wait in vain for your love", by Bob Marley.
43. When people wonder why Barack Obama's wife looks so familiar, it's because she's that bitchy wife on the "Cosby Show".
44. The presidents limo will be heard a mile away during parades, going "Boom-boom-boom", and bouncing up and down on electric Low Rider shock absorbers. It will vibrate so hard from the sub-woofers it will briefly disappear during each bass drum beat. Women inside the limo will stagger out afterwards and say "Wow! That was better than my vibrator! and, "That was the first time I've had multiple orgasms!" (Mainly, uptight white chicks will say this...) The limo license plate will say, "Oh!Boom!Ahh!"
45. The White House "house" band will be fired, and replaced with a Yamaha Drum Machine to lower record company production costs, and a homeless wino spouting rap "poetry" thru a karaoke microphone will become the new White House Label "Artist".
46. The Marine Corps Band will throw out its instruments, and play only bass drums. The band will learn only one song, "The Boom Boom March", by P.Funk Souza, a.k.a. "Souza".
47. Instead of Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa, Christmas and Hanukah will be banned, and replaced with "Kwanhanamas".
48. The "Black Love Child" that John McCain had in the 2000 South Carolina Republican Primary, will show up on your doorstep, claiming you are the father, or mother.
49. Rich poolside Republicans, and dumb white crackers working outside, will tan themselves so much, they will become Negroes.
50. The Confederate Flag will be banned in the South, because it reminds people of the Horrible Chains of Black Slavery, and is in Bad Taste. However, the wearing of large gold and silver neck chains by black men will be encouraged, because it reminds people to be Slaves to Fashion, and have Bad Taste.
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums! All right reserved, incuding the right to be a stick out hair boo-boo bear!
2. Scary black men will invade your home and hump your wife, forcing you to watch. Later, your wife will divorce you, saying "Once you go black, you never go back."
3. Barack Obama will inseminate (screw) your daughter, forcing you to raise a Black Love Child, who will grow up wanting to be a rapper.
4. All your kids, your wife, and your grandparents, will begin wearing sideways baseball hats.
5. You will begin to find dreadlocks attractive.
6. Your rabbi, or preacher, will wear a wall clock, instead of a cross, or star.
7. The entire country will forget how to tie their shoes in rebellion against the white man, and trip-and-fall insurance claims will skyrocket, bankrupting the financial system.
8. While reading in bed at nite,your horny wife will say to you, "What's zup?". You will reply, "Word up!"
9. Rap "music" will replace Muzak in elevators across the nation, causing everyone in the elevator to "booty dance".
10. Potato chips, soda pop, and candy will become the "new nutrition" at all 3 family meals and school lunches.
11. All verbs, except the verb "be", will disappear, and Ebonics will be changed to "Be-onics".
12. Ebonics will become the official language of America, including Mexico, Canada, and China.
13. English grammar teachers will commit suicide in record numbers.
14. People will no longer be allowed to use the letter "s" to distinguish between one cent or fifty cent. Mass confusion will result, causing banks to fail.
15. All white males will be forced to stand on the corner one hour per day, holding their cock with one hand, and a juice box in the other.
16. All white males, especially Asians, will be made to feel inferior, when told the size of Barack Obama's penis. Asians and whites will immediately buy the largest car they can find, to compensate.
17. Booty dancing will replace square dancing in school gym classes.
18. The White House will be "redecorated" with gang grafitti.
19. The First Lady will dye half her hair creamy blonde, and the other half bright strawberry red, and wear tight pants that say "Juicy" across her butt.
20. The President will deliver all speeches with one hand on the podium, and the other on his cock.
21. The traditional Secret Service code name, "Potus", for "President of the United States", will be changed to "Rufus", for "Robber, unreliable, fornicating, unskilled slave".
22. All tough questions at Presidential press conferences will be answered by soft shoe tap dancing.
23. The song "Hail to the Chief", will be changed to Al Jolson's "Mammy", or, the jazz tune, "Watermelon Man", by Clark Terry.
24. The one token white Cabinet member will be forced to wear "black face" makeup, and play a banjo at cabinet meetings.
25. Easy questions at press conferences will be answered by rap "poems", and a bass drum.
26. The White House sign behind the President during speeches will be changed to "Uncle Tom's Cabin".
27. The Presidential Seal will be changed to an Oreo Cookie.
28. The President's title will be changed to "Plantation Master", and tne vice prez to "Master Overseer".
29. The "N-word" will officially become the "N-word". People in the future will not know what the n-word stands for, and only rappers will know.
30. Desert at presidential dinners will be Oreos, and only Oreos.
31. All White House i.d. cards worn around the neck will get tiny gold chain license plate frames, symbolizing the black man's former existence as a "chained people".
32. Ye Olde "House" Gift Shoppe, will begin selling crack, condoms, and prison fashions, with "Property of Da House" printed on them, and a prominent "Obama" label.
33. The title of First Lady will be changed to "First Bitch", "First Slave Bitch Ho", or just, "First Ho".
34. The president will be announced as "YO, Word up! Here be da Prez-dent!"
35. White Secret Service agents will be forced to run behind the President's limo, and sing "I've been workin' on dee chain gang". Black agents will ride on the bumper, and play banjo.
36. Condoleeza Rice will be fired, and replaced by a black chick with a bigger and better ass.
37. The Black Music Industry will air a spinoff of "American Idol", called "The Biggest Ass in America Contest". No singing will be required. The "band" will be a Yamaha Drum Machine, and a guy on a "scritchy-scratchy" turntable.
38. The President will ban psychological torture of prisoners of war, and the Army will no longer be allowed to yell "Your Mama!" at Muslim terrorists. However, if a Muslim terrorist insults a Christian or Jew by calling him an "Unbeliever", the terrorist will be forced to listen to rap "music" 24 hours a day. The Swiss Red Cross protested that this would be cruel and inhumane treatment.
39. Presidential misstatements, backpedaling, or spinning, will be accompanied by a turn-tabler going "scritchy-scratchy, scritchy-scratchy", backing the presidential "record" up or down as necessary.
40.The White House Guard Hut will become a drive-thru burger window called, "McWhiteys".
41. The White House Honor Guard will stop using cannons and rifles, and switch to boomboxes and drum machines. The 21 gun salute will become the 21 Boom Salute.
42. White House Guards will be replaced with Jamaican reggae dudes in giant puffy purple hats, and dreadlocks made of gold spray-painted mops. When the First Lady passes by, they will salute her, and sing "I don't want to wait in vain for your love", by Bob Marley.
43. When people wonder why Barack Obama's wife looks so familiar, it's because she's that bitchy wife on the "Cosby Show".
44. The presidents limo will be heard a mile away during parades, going "Boom-boom-boom", and bouncing up and down on electric Low Rider shock absorbers. It will vibrate so hard from the sub-woofers it will briefly disappear during each bass drum beat. Women inside the limo will stagger out afterwards and say "Wow! That was better than my vibrator! and, "That was the first time I've had multiple orgasms!" (Mainly, uptight white chicks will say this...) The limo license plate will say, "Oh!Boom!Ahh!"
45. The White House "house" band will be fired, and replaced with a Yamaha Drum Machine to lower record company production costs, and a homeless wino spouting rap "poetry" thru a karaoke microphone will become the new White House Label "Artist".
46. The Marine Corps Band will throw out its instruments, and play only bass drums. The band will learn only one song, "The Boom Boom March", by P.Funk Souza, a.k.a. "Souza".
47. Instead of Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa, Christmas and Hanukah will be banned, and replaced with "Kwanhanamas".
48. The "Black Love Child" that John McCain had in the 2000 South Carolina Republican Primary, will show up on your doorstep, claiming you are the father, or mother.
49. Rich poolside Republicans, and dumb white crackers working outside, will tan themselves so much, they will become Negroes.
50. The Confederate Flag will be banned in the South, because it reminds people of the Horrible Chains of Black Slavery, and is in Bad Taste. However, the wearing of large gold and silver neck chains by black men will be encouraged, because it reminds people to be Slaves to Fashion, and have Bad Taste.
Signed,
Faint Bernard
Copyright 2008 by Bernard Drums! All right reserved, incuding the right to be a stick out hair boo-boo bear!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Top 87 New Black Names
See if you can guess which names are male, or female. Male names are usually two syllables, while female names are three. If you don't know what a syllable is, you could be black. Just kidding! Nothing genetic implied here, it could just mean you were oppressed by da "White Man", or Poverty, suffered from a Broken Family, and simply refused to learn the meaning of the word syllable, as you went about "Acting Out" and creating a "Culture of Opposition" to the White Man's Culture.
I mean, if studying hard and getting good grades means "Acting White" (a Bad Thing), isn't it Better to "Act Stupid" in order to reinforce "Black Cultural Values"? I think this comes under the category of "I'll show you, Whitey, watch me while I cut off my nose to spite my face".
1. Velveeta
2. Aqua-netta (true, walmart employee)
3. Aqua-velva
4. Aqua-vulva
5. VO-5
6. Walmarta
7. Aleve
8. Motrin
9. Motrinetta
10. Motrina
11. Toyletta, or Toiletta
12. Tydeebol
13. Hot Pockets
14. Concentrated
15. Lexus
16. Esuvee,or SUV
17. Bentley
18. Chrysler 300
19. Land Rover
20. Futon
21. Nike
22. Afro-sizzle
23. 2XL
24. Largina
25. Right Guard
26. Blu Toof
27. Latoofalina
28. Latoofa
29. Latoofaleesha
30. Whazzup
31. Quiche
32. Keesha
33. Quiche Lorraine
34. Fryz
35. Mofryz
36. Fryswidat
37. Bling
38. Blingtoofa
39. Fryswideesha
40. Aqua-cola
41. Thunderpop
42. Aqua-bling
43. Jolt
44. Pennzoil
45. Febreeze-sha
46. Sevenup
47. Air-fresheena
48. Pennzolina
49. KY
50. Lubrikaysha
51. Napeesha
52. Naprell
53. Viagra
54. Kaopectate
55. Camry
56. Toyota
57. Rogaine
58. Aqua-fresh
59. Elantra
60. Rolex
61. Accutaine
62. Acura
63. Hyundai
64. Exxon
65. Propecia
66. Quinterence (true, local tv news story)
67. Quanterious (also true, local tv news story. It has a nice Roman ring to it, as in, "Emperor Quanterious, we must find Cleopatra, and conquer Egypt!)
68. Ke-kwan-ah (true, walmart employee, rhymes with iguana)
69. Propane
70. Polyvinyl
72. Nylon
73. Titanium
74. I-ron (Man)
75. Di-oxide
76. Lycra
77. Spandex
78. Internetta
79. Prozac (also works as a sports steroid)
80. Mojo-hammad (the 72 Virgin Thing)
81. Kay-eff-see (KFC)
82. Absorbine Junior
83. Panasonic
84. Sputnik
85. Bigmacmoud
86. Hojolina
87. B K Wrapper
If you're not sure a "new black name" sounds authentic, test it out in a sentence. For example: "Revlon, get your black ass in here dis minute!" Or, "Chinet, don't you diss me! I'm your Mutha!" Or, "Vagina! Wutch you mean, it ain't my baby?!"
Faint Bernard
Copyright 2008, by Bernard Drums!. All rights reserved, including the right to be racially intimidated, and to be, as Barack Obama says, "a typical white person". First in a series of "Clever Ebonics", and "I Be Speakin' Good American, as Best as dee White Man Done Teachify Me". How can there be "no typical black person", if there is a "typical white person"? Oh, and by the way, I am voting for Barack. If you don't believe me, you can come into the voting booth with me and pull my lever...if you're a girl(legal age 18 or over)!
I mean, if studying hard and getting good grades means "Acting White" (a Bad Thing), isn't it Better to "Act Stupid" in order to reinforce "Black Cultural Values"? I think this comes under the category of "I'll show you, Whitey, watch me while I cut off my nose to spite my face".
1. Velveeta
2. Aqua-netta (true, walmart employee)
3. Aqua-velva
4. Aqua-vulva
5. VO-5
6. Walmarta
7. Aleve
8. Motrin
9. Motrinetta
10. Motrina
11. Toyletta, or Toiletta
12. Tydeebol
13. Hot Pockets
14. Concentrated
15. Lexus
16. Esuvee,or SUV
17. Bentley
18. Chrysler 300
19. Land Rover
20. Futon
21. Nike
22. Afro-sizzle
23. 2XL
24. Largina
25. Right Guard
26. Blu Toof
27. Latoofalina
28. Latoofa
29. Latoofaleesha
30. Whazzup
31. Quiche
32. Keesha
33. Quiche Lorraine
34. Fryz
35. Mofryz
36. Fryswidat
37. Bling
38. Blingtoofa
39. Fryswideesha
40. Aqua-cola
41. Thunderpop
42. Aqua-bling
43. Jolt
44. Pennzoil
45. Febreeze-sha
46. Sevenup
47. Air-fresheena
48. Pennzolina
49. KY
50. Lubrikaysha
51. Napeesha
52. Naprell
53. Viagra
54. Kaopectate
55. Camry
56. Toyota
57. Rogaine
58. Aqua-fresh
59. Elantra
60. Rolex
61. Accutaine
62. Acura
63. Hyundai
64. Exxon
65. Propecia
66. Quinterence (true, local tv news story)
67. Quanterious (also true, local tv news story. It has a nice Roman ring to it, as in, "Emperor Quanterious, we must find Cleopatra, and conquer Egypt!)
68. Ke-kwan-ah (true, walmart employee, rhymes with iguana)
69. Propane
70. Polyvinyl
72. Nylon
73. Titanium
74. I-ron (Man)
75. Di-oxide
76. Lycra
77. Spandex
78. Internetta
79. Prozac (also works as a sports steroid)
80. Mojo-hammad (the 72 Virgin Thing)
81. Kay-eff-see (KFC)
82. Absorbine Junior
83. Panasonic
84. Sputnik
85. Bigmacmoud
86. Hojolina
87. B K Wrapper
If you're not sure a "new black name" sounds authentic, test it out in a sentence. For example: "Revlon, get your black ass in here dis minute!" Or, "Chinet, don't you diss me! I'm your Mutha!" Or, "Vagina! Wutch you mean, it ain't my baby?!"
Faint Bernard
Copyright 2008, by Bernard Drums!. All rights reserved, including the right to be racially intimidated, and to be, as Barack Obama says, "a typical white person". First in a series of "Clever Ebonics", and "I Be Speakin' Good American, as Best as dee White Man Done Teachify Me". How can there be "no typical black person", if there is a "typical white person"? Oh, and by the way, I am voting for Barack. If you don't believe me, you can come into the voting booth with me and pull my lever...if you're a girl(legal age 18 or over)!
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