Obama, On the Down Low, Having a Bromance, With the Corporate Money Dicks!

Presidential Dog Tricks: “Rollover! Hunt! Play Dead!”

The Impotent, Immaterial IMPOTUS: Is Obama the Brown Bomber, Or Neville Chamberlin? Muhammad Ali, or Woody Allen? McClellan, or Grant?

Just when you think you’re FINALLY gonna win one, with the odds in your favor, three against one -- a Dem controlled White House and Senate, polls showing 60 percent in favor of raising taxes on the rich to balance the budget, against a lone hara-kiri GOP House -- what does the “Top Alpha Dog” do?

He rolls over, and plays dead!

Does this Presidential dog ever try to hunt? Or is he just a “lap dog” to his Republican Handlers, or should I say, “GOP Molesters?”

Just what, does this Top Alpha Dog really do?

He doesn’t bark. No! That would be partisan! Not even a snarl, a growl, or a yip. And he never even bares his teeth!

He’s a real quiet dog, very well mannered. The bestest house nigger we ever had!  He just ain’t worth shit as a Guard Dog.

The GOP will break in, rob the house, steal the silverware, and Old John “Boner” will rape your wife AND Granny, before the Obaminator Dog even wakes up!

And when he does see the enemy coming?  He wags his tail, whines, and offers em a “preemptive compromise” presentation, of his balls, on a silver platter.

Bewildering isn’t even the word.

Mystifying, maybe…

Sold out... for sure
.
The Brown Obomber

Joe Lewis, a heavyweight American boxer from the 1930s, was called the “Brown Bomber”, because he was a Negro Colored Person. I’m pretty sure about this, but I’m losing my grip on the past, mainly due to a GOP anti-reality virus that’s been going around.

Joe beat a Nazi boxer, called the “Sauer Kraut Machine”, at the ’36 Olympics in Berlin (Max Schnelling?), and he also beat a white dude back in America called “The Great White Hope”, who was a Starkist Theme Park Killer Whale, with a floppy dorsal fin. He also fought a guy named “Lurch”, and another guy named “Vinnie the Tuna.”

The Great White Hope was called that because White People back then couldn’t handle a Negro being the Boxing Champeen of the World, in basically the same way they can’t handle a black buck, a Mandingo, or a Nigger Boy, being president today.

Go figure… time marches on.

Me, I happen to pretty much like the Nigger People, unless they get too uppity, and start “back sassin’” their superior white folk. I don’t have anything agin’ em, as long as they keep their place, in the back of the bus, and realize they is inferior to us educated white folk, especially us dumb, blue collar, southern white folk.

I’m makin’ the big assumption that niggers are 100 percent human, of course, and not some kinda blended ape mixture, or coon mix, which sometimes they seem to be.

As a superior white man, I am tired of black dudes walkin’ around with their pants below their underwear, with their butts poking’ out, making some kind of social and fashion statement. It doesn’t make‘em look real smart, and it tempts our pure white southern females, with impure and unJesusy thoughts.

The reason why Texas has the highest rate of teen oral sex diseases, is probably due to teenagers dreamin’ about black butts, and white cocks! A White Trash Southern Girl can’t just say no to sex, if she has a high school kid’s cock jammed in her mouth, now can she?

Which reminds me of a joke I just made up. What do you call a country boy’s cock jammed in a southern girls mouth?

Give up?

A tongue depressor!

Or, no cost “Southern O’Mama Health Care!” Just open wide, and “Say Ahhh!”

That’s why they is all against Obama Care down here in the educated South. Any time Bubba starts feelin’ bad, he just visits his sister, or cousin, and says, “this won’t hurt a bit! Just open wide, and say Ahhh! Think of it as thermometer, to see how hot you are!”

Mandingoless

The Black Brothers look even more pathetic when they grab their cocks in public, which makes ’em look real insecure, like they just lost their momma, their daddy, and their job, AND they gotta pee real bad, and their cock is the last thing they have to cling to in the whole wide lonely world!



Kinda like their dick is a Teddy Bear, or a Security Blankie.



Now, I personally don’t mind if we have a nigger boy for president, as long as he has a pair of balls, and fights for all us fellow niggers, both white and black.



Which apparently this one doesn’t.



Fight, that is.



Go figure, the first Black Dude as Prez, and he has no balls, no dick, and nobody’s afraid of him. Certainly not the GOP!



The first dickless Blackman. The impotent, immaterial IMPOTUS.



No way can we call this dude, “Shaft, the big black private dick, with the plan, going after The Man.”



Just when you need a black dude with a hard on for the money shot, splattered all over the other guys face, we get a Mr. Softee Cone with a limp weeny.



And unfortunately, the Black Prez also has several “Mr. Softee” Jewish political advisors as his “fluffers”. These play it safe advisors have fully sold out to the Establishment White Man, and ingratiated themselves into the WASP Old Boy Network, and now don’t want to upset the apple cart, in their rush to court both the Corporations, and the Undecided Independent Voters.



The Undecided Independent Voters are what I call the “The Confused Voters”. “Hey Man! I’m independent! I’m confused, and opportunistic! Who’s gonna give me the better deal?”



But since the Dems are now fully “in bed” with the Corporations, their compromised legs wide open, cunt in the air, fucking them like good little whores for the money, they can’t admit this, because this would make them look bad!



The problem with this stance, or political position, with your pants down, your butt in the air, a corporate cock in your mouth, and your hand out for the cash, is you are painted into a corner, and you can’t counter GOP policy arguments with the Truth, by telling today’s real narrative that our democracy, our parties, our representatives, our government, have all been bought, paid for, and stolen by the rich, and that’s why you the voter are getting fucked, not by big Gubmint, but by Big Business controlling Big Gubblemint.



See, that’s the Truth. It’s not Big Gubmint is the Problem. It’s Big Business CONTROLLING and OWNING your government that is the PROBLEM, buttwheat!



This inconvenient Truth would help unconfuse the Independents enough to make them vote for Obama, but the Dems are locked out of using their best argument, the Truth, because the Dems are now hungrily sucking on a huge, honkin’, stiff Corporate Money Cock, just like the GOP whores have always done, the GOPers traditionally being the “country club” whore party for the rich.



[Fluffer- A female, or male, who keeps the guy’s penis hard, on the porn set, ready for the next scene. In Obama’s case, his Jewish advisor fluffers keep him “soft”, ready for the next political defeat, or “premature ejaculation compromise.”]



The first black guy in the World, without a big honkin Hard On.



My advice? Viagra, and testosterone pills.



Our presidential dog dick doesn’t want to hunt, bite, bark, or Squirt.



Go figure.



Shake that thing, baby, the GOP is a WHITE MAN, he skeered of the Black Man’s Dick!



Amd all we got is a big fuckin useless hunk of fire hose sized rope.



Wrap it up on the hose wheel, and let’s go home. Kill the lights! Break the set.



This dude is no longer important, he’s impotent.



The IMPOTUS.



Put on your marching shoes?



You put your’s on first, sonny boy.



That’s what the fuck we elected you for.



CHANGE…



REMEMBER?



Rope a Dope? Boxing Joke? Or “Great White Middle Class” Hope?



The Question now is, what boxing strategy, if any, is the “Obama Bomber” following, or is he even boxing at all? As the guy on Huff Post said, “he’s now the perfect punching bag”.



Muhammad Ali’s “rope a dope” strategy had Ali lean against the ring ropes, let his opponent punch him repeatedly, and NOT swing back! This looks kinda like what Obama is doing today, while his counterpart, the Great GOP Hope, the “Suntanned Boner”, gives the Brown Bomber a “Maximum Shelling!”



Ali would put his arms in front of his chest, with his gloves pointed straight up, close to his pretty face to protect it, while he was repeatedly pummeled.



Ali’s strategy I guess, was his opponent would wear himself out by punching Ali’s strong stomach muscles, and then later in the fight, Ali would bust out, and cream the other guy.



But if you go into the political boxing ring, without protection for your balls and teeth, thinking it’s gonna be a tea party with crustless sandwiches, then you will look like a 98 pound Woody Allen weakling.



Just like a real dope would look “on the ropes”, ready to be defeated, before the fight has even begun.



You will also look like a pubic haired bar of wussy flowered shower soap, hanging on a rope, waiting for some Conservative to ram you up his single minded, anal fixated, homo phobic, butt squeezer ass, to cleanse himself of his Typical Conservative Fears and Insecurities, and freshen his greedy Mental DEMONS.



And what will they call you then, with your own bar of soap up your ass?



A “Brown Noser?”



A “Soap a Dope?”



Or a tired, tarred, and sticky black, “Tar Baby?”



“Uncle Remus, is that you?”



“No, it ain’t your Uncle Ree-Ree, Brother Rabbit! It’s me, your Brother Barack! My foot is stuck to this here Republican Tar Baby, and I can’t get Loose! Damn, and I just done bought me this new pair of white runnin’ shoes!”



“I’ll go get the bottle of Pine Soul! Or will Spic and Span do?”



“Spic and Span will do fine! Them spics and spanish latino workers clean real good! Work cheap too!”



Taking a Dive? Or Just Tryin’ to Stay Alive?



There is a scene in “On the Water Front”, where ex-boxer Marlon Brando is in the back seat of a car with Mobster Rod Steiger, and Brando say’s “You shoulda been lookin’ out for me! I was a Contender! I coulda been somebody! Instead you had me take a cheap dive, and fall for the easy money!”



Is Obama “Marlon Brando”, taking a dive to the canvas, pretending to fight but falling down at a prearranged point, “fixing” the fight, and thereby giving up the Real Contender Spot?



Or is Obama “Neville Chamberlin”, who after giving his lunch money and Czechoslovakia to Hitler, famously said to the press, “We will never go to War with one another again!”



Or is he Muhammad Ali, positioning himself for the long haul, and cleverly roping and doping his opponent into a state of dopidity, dope idiocy, and eventual over confident stupor?



Or, is he a stunningly ineffectual, and amazingly disappointing, Woody Allen, a “Great White Disappointment Dope?”



Three Strikes and Yer OUT!



How many times has Obama done this?



Unless he has some really slick Plan up his sleeve, it’s starting (starting?) to look like he gives up without much of a fight.



Hillary’s brass balls are lookin’ really good about now. That girl had grit.



Is He Perfecting the Art of Appeasement, or Deflecting the Energy of His Opponent? Trying His Best, Or Taking the Easiest Rest?



So, a few changes are in order.



1. From now on, the theme song to the movie “Shaft”, will be changed from, “Shaft, the big black Private Dick…”, to “Obama, the tiny white Presidential Dick, who shafts us anyway!” Or, “Obama, the big black Wuss, who fucks us in the end anyway!”



2. All Senators, Congressmen, and Obama, will be forced to wear spiked dog collars around their necks, with short leashes, attached to their Corporate Owners.



3. Adolf Hitler’s head will be thawed out, attached to Grover Norquist’s head and to Obama’s head, and their combined three heads will be called the “Groveler HitQuest O’Mama Bama Jama Man”.



4. Obama, aka “The Brown Obomber”, will reveal that when he dies, he wants his tombstone to read, “We will never have political war with one another again, as long as I’m willing to compromise and surrender first!”



His tombstone will also say, “I assure you, ahead of time, in advance, that I will pull my panties down, and let you completely fuck me, with only a token show of resistance, and without ever putting up a real fight!”



And that my friends is our friend, “Bay Rock the Obombinator”, on the lowdown, explaining his unwillingness to have a major showdown, in Columbia Town!



Signed,

Faint Bernard



Copyright © 2011 by Bernard Drums! All rights reserved, and deserved, because I’m a Woman, and I ride a Big, Wet, Juicy Slab of Bacon!



Do you wanna fuck me now, Boner Boy, or later, or both? Here, let me pull my panties down, just like this! Do you like that?



Now, FUCK ME! Just the way all the GOP boys do it! That’s the ticket!



Slow, easy, and HARD!



That’s just the way I like it!



Let’s do it again, in six months, okay, Big Boy?



It may be even HARDER, to raise me to the ceiling then! Oh yeah, Harder! I can’t wait!



* * *



Spare the Man?



Lincoln said of General Grant during the Civil War, “I can’t spare the man, he fights!” This was after giving a whole list of generals a fighting chance, and firing them all except Grant.



Union General McClellan was hired, fired, then rehired, and then fired again. His flaws? He stayed in camp alot, dilly dallied far too long, and didn’t press on after his victories. He always claimed he was outnumbered, when he usually had far more soldiers than Confederate General Lee ever did.



Sound familiar to any one today? Lincoln actually had to BEG General McClellan to fight.



General Hooker I think got spooked after one big battle, lost his nerve, and turned to drink.



And General Burnside, I can’t even remember what happened to him, but I think he got a haircut, a shave, or just a little burned.



And Meade, I think, finally stopped Lee at Gettsysburg.



So, what would Lincoln say today about Obama?



“I can’t spare the man, he fights”?



Or, “I can certainly spare the man, he doesn’t fight”?



* * *



England’s Finest Hour



There is one other possibility.



At the beginning of our Civil War, and World War Two, there were precious few victories for the people that eventually won. Very depressing.



The winners were, in the end, the progressive liberal Northern Yankee Americans, over the conservative, treasonous, secessionist South, and the USA over the Nazis and the “Nips”. I think “Nips” is a little more politically correct than “Japs”, or slanty eyed little yellow people, don’t you?



During the Battle of Britain, the Germans sent fleets of bombers and fighters over England.



England only had a limited amount of fighters and pilots to defend herself with.



Once the British knew how often the Spitfire and Hurricane pilots had to go up and fight, and how many were shot down in each battle, the plain and ugly “Math of Attrition” arose.



After each battle, on both sides, fewer pilots would come back, and there were more empty chairs at dinner each night.



You could count the men left in the room, and not know if you would live beyond tomorrow. Not a big appetite booster.



One top RAF commander argued for the “Big Wing” strategy, sending up as many fighter planes as you had for that sector, meeting the Jerries in full force.



The other top RAF commander argued for sending “short” squadrons, always fewer planes than normal full strength. Eight fighters instead of twelve, or four fighters instead of 6.



The short strategy, which was used, couldn’t stop the German’s from reaching their target, but the British kept fighting back, rising to meet the Germans, and they slowly wore down the German air force.



The strategy stretched out their resources to cover a longer period of battle, and bought more time. This helped wear down the German’s resources, lowered their morale, lessening their will to fight, and influenced Hitler to break off the attack and switch his focus to other goals.



After Hitler ended the air battle, Churchill honored the RAF pilots by saying, “this is England’s finest hour, where so much is owed, by so many, to so few”.



The question now, for all progressive liberals, is what hour is this?



Is this the Democratic Party’s “Finest Hour?”



Or is it just another Hour of Shame, now that the Democrats have sold almost all their Soul, to the Greedy Profit Swindlers of Corporate America?



* * *



Bush Mess



Lincoln could fire McClellan, and hire Ulysses S. Grant.



We’re stuck with Obama. It would probably be pretty hard to switch horses midstream.



Right now, I’m feeling angry and frustrated. Maybe just a tiny bit of some of the flavor of what Lincoln must have felt, when he would write, or telegram McClellan, and beg him to fight.



Obama acts a lot like a beaten man, tired, instead of a man fresh and ready to fight.



The incredible mess Bush left him, may have overwhelmed Obama right from the start, with no chance to ease in, leaving him reeling, knocked out, and flat on his back on the canvas, with barely enough time to get up before the count of ten, when the next crushing blow would hit.



Wanda Sykes, the comedian, was right. If Bush hadn’t been such a Disaster, a Democrat never would have been elected. Bush, Cheney and the GOP screwed up so bad, they basically handed the keys to the White House to Obama. As they say in acting, if you were a Republican, Bush was “a hard act to follow.”



And now the dicks at right wing radio are trying to say the Clean Up Man “owns” the Bush Mess.



Rich Man has a Party, gets drunk, vomits on the floor, burns down both the Fraternity House and the World Economy, and then blames the Black Janitor the next morning for not instantly and cheaply, cleaning up the mess in a day or two! “It’s all the Black Man’s FAULT! Black Man did it! The GOP had NUTHIN to do with it!!!”



“Why isn’t the Frat House rebuilt, Nigger Boy? We got us a carwash on Saturday with the Cheerleaders! You promised us jobs for the Cheer squad! Where are the jobs???”



GOP Deregulation ATE the jobs, ya Mother fucker! “No rules” GOP Economic THEORY flushed the jobs down the fuckin toilet, ya dip switch!



Wow, the GOP dudes are twisted alright, their ends justify ANY means. Any route to power, including abandoning Truth, because it’s inconvenient, to serving the rich.



True Grit



But Bush’s Mess may have overwhelmed any man. It’s like that old show “Quantum Leap”, where each week the hero is zapped into a new situation in time. Who knew Obama would have to play FDR during the Great Depression, AND Johnson during Vietnam. He needs either a long vacation, a battery charger, or to get out of the game, throw in the towel, and quit.



Because the other boxer, his Republican opponent, has now gotten inside his Head Game, and messed him up even more psychologically.



And I’m starting to feel, that Obama doesn’t have enough Grit.



You need grit not just to be elected President, but to continuously fight “while being” the President.



The Dems aren’t fighting as if their lives depended on it. It’s not “real” enough for them yet. They aren’t focused enough, as in, “if you don’t come up with a plan to win, you are gonna die.” It’s like MacGyver, if you don’t figure out how to escape from the island prison, using a just a lipstick tube, a penny, and a nail, you’re dead!



Abraham Lincoln had a phrase for this grit, when he honored the progressive Union soldiers who died at the Battle of Gettysburg. In his now famous Gettysburg Address, Lincoln said the progressive Union soldiers fought, died, and gave, “their last full measure of devotion, for the Union.”



In their victory over the Conservative South -- whose Cause was the worst cause a rebel nation could ever have, the backward, anti-democratic, and anti-freedom values, of an economic and political system, based on Slavery, the North put backward conservative values where they belong, in the GRAVE.



Oh, I’m sorry, did I say the Cause was Slavery? I meant to say the cause was for “anti-union, right to work (for peanuts) states!” Cuz let’s face it, the lowest possible wages ARE “slave wages”, aren’t they?



Modern Day Blue Collar White Boy Nigger in the South: “Yes Massa, I mo den willin to work fo low wages on your factory assembly line! If you wants a good bottom line profit, den I have to work for a rock bottom price, ain’t that right, Massuh? So, bottom wages is good for me, and very good fo you!”



Corporate Plantation Owner: “That’s right, BOY!”



“Yassuh, I thought so! The lower I work fo, the better off you is, and me, right? Yassuh, dats mo den fair! If I gives you mo money today, then that makes me better off in the long run! Dat make perfect sense! I’m glad we done cleared dat all up!”



“Now Massa, I’ll shuffle on out of here, and gets me back to work! You don’t have to worry about no trouble from this here white nigger boy, no suh! I’m a good anti-union worker! Ain’t no trouble here from this downtrodden, beaten, whupped, white Southern boy! No Suh, you dee BIG BOSSMAN! I’m jus dee little old SHARE CRAPPER! I’ll share whatever CRAP you decide to give me! Yassuh!”



Southerners, ya see, don’t like Unions, of any kind. And dats a fact!



Cuz Southern Boys can survive! Way Out in the Swamps, with All the Other CRITTERS! In a Subsistence Form of Living, with just enuff to get by.



Out in the Jungle. Cuz they don’t need no stinking Society, or Gubblemint.



A shotgun, and a dead animal, is All THEY need.



Who needs big city SOCIETY, in the rural, backwards, back in time South?



They sho don’t need no health care, cuz they sho ain’t got no teeth!



Well, maybe two scraggly fuzzy brown teeth.



And down hear, with Southern “schooling”, that makes a whole set of teeth!



Boil everything and mash it all up into a nice mush, so I can gum it down good!



* * *



Measuring Sticks. Adding It All Up!



How does this apply in America today?



Let’s see.



The Religious fundamentalists devote themselves to saving the unborn, hating Faggots and universal health care, and hating everybody else who isn’t a White Christian.



They want to establish a Religious dictatorship where God tells us all what to think and do, and they don’t give a crap about the environment, which is “God’s Creation”, and they don’t care what the quality of life is like for everybody else while we are here on the planet. Whole lotta freedom and love down that route.



The Tea Party devotes itself to No Taxes at all, and to the philosophy of essentially No Government, except for a national military, and a local police force, to protect their property, the land on which it stands, and their piles of hoarded money.



The GOP devotes itself to praying to Holy Corporate Profits, undertaxing and Coddling the Rich, having No Rules for the Rich, having No Justice System or Laws to protect regular people and the environment FROM the rich, and giving huge “Cadillac Corporate Welfare Queen Tax Loophole Subsidies” to businessmen, which creates a Culture of “Corporate Dependence”, and bloats and impregnates the already complex, military industrial Welfare Baby.



And, as an added bonus, the GOP doesn’t seriously tax the rich or the corporations, which leaves you holding the bag to run the whole government!



Oh, and just so you know, the GOP has now figured out how to get rid of the Justice System too! You just cut its budget, and under fund it! With fewer courts and judges, see you at trial in about ten years! You don’t have to worry about Big Gubblemint justice botherin’ you, or saving your ass anymore, when the doctor fucks up and chops off your penis by mistake!



So, what does the Democratic Party devote itself to?



Hmmm…



[Tap, tippity, tap.] “Hold on, I’m THINKING!”



“Wait a minute! I think I got something here!”



“Is it, MORE corporate profits??”



Meanwhile, nobody gives a shit about The Whole Society. Everybody is protecting their single tree, and forgetting what the whole forest looks like.



The Question now is, have the corporations and banks bought all the last remaining, full measures, of grit and devotion, from ALL our politicians? Do they own them all, lock, stock, and barrel?



Is there no one left to stand, against the Corporate Raiders, of the Nation’s Soul?



What is left for America to be devoted to, if you are forced to believe in a fundamentalist religion, Profit is the only Measuring stick for our lives, and Democracy is a Board Game, owned by the Wealthy Few?



That is the kind of nation I don’t want to live in.



It is a nation that tyrannizes the Soul, where my freedom and everyone else’s, is merely on Corporate Loan, where the loan can be recalled at any moment, and where the Rich have once again, sucked the life out of the nation, and the blood marrow right out of the people’s bones.



Rise up, protest in any way you can, make your voice heard, and help take back our nation’s soul, from the lifeless Vampire Corporate Drones.



The Corporate Machines will Not Control the People!



It is the PEOPLE, who WILL CONTROL the Machines!



The Revolution is on.



U.S. Captain John Paul Jones, while clinging to the rigging on his damaged man o’ war sailing ship, yelled to his British opponent, “I have not yet begun to fight!”



Our Battle, the People against the Corporate Machines, has just begun.



Doolittle’s Raiders will launch from the Hornet, and symbolically pinprick our new Corporate Emperor.



The soulless, and evil Corporate Empire WILL be pushed back, harnessed, and brought under the control, of mankind’s better angels.



And Max Profit, the ultimate CEO, will die in his Board Room Bunker, amid his shattered dreams of world control.



It is now “The People versus the Corporate Machines.”



The People versus Greed.



Society versus Maximum Profit.



And Real Democracy versus SOLD Democracy.



I say to you, let loose the dogs of war, let the War for Real Democracy, begin.



And let us Pray!



Yea tho I walk thru the Valley of the Shadow of Corporate Imposed Blight, I have seen the light of True Citizen Freedom!



And the Truth is marching onward!



To where the Grapes of Greedy Wrath are stored!



And the Corporate Greed Machines will feel the terrible swift lightning, of the People’s Voice and Sword!



Off with their Heads!



Hang the False Prophets of the Rich, and their unfeeling Corporate Heads!



The Rich are the New Tyrants!



The Uncontrolled, and in control Rich, are the new Threat to Freedom!



They have bought the Government, stolen it from the Citizens, and now create an unfair Society!



Bring back the Guillotine, and the Hangman’s Knot!



The REVOLUTION…



IS NOW!



Signed,

Faint Bernard



How ya like them apples, Mountain Boy?



Johnny Appleseed is a comin’!



Yep, plantin’ ideas, all upside yer Hank Williams Jr., Mr. Softee Head!



* * *



Why I’m a Douche Bag



Ya know, Senator Edwards sweet talked me, and then Obama sweet talked me. And I fell for em both, and let them stick their candy dicks in me.



And then they both disappointed me. And now I’m feelin’ like just one big used, and abused Pussy. God, I’m such a douche bag!



I’m just like a chick!



I let them Fuck me, and then they dumped me!



I voted for two political dicks, and I got fucked twice!



They get their pre-election hard on, then they go all limp and wimpy on ya.



I shoulda voted for Hilary, she has balls.



She’d probably ride ya forever.



Yee ha! Ride em, Cowgirl! Grind that dick into the Dust!



* * *



Final Diagnosis



Obama’s father sweet talked the women in his life to get them hooked, then would mistreat them. Then he would sweet talk them again, to get them back. Then he would mistreat them again.



Anybody see a pattern here?



Obama is repeating the pattern of his father.



Obama is two timing us -- the citizens -- while having a mistress on the side.



He tells Us we are his wife, but then he gots a girl on the side. Shhh! Don’t tell nobody!



She be the corporate Mistress, the corporate bitch. He’s way down low, with the corporate Bro, having a sweet corporate Bromance. A Money Bromance.



Corporate Dude: “Here’s some money, Barack, all you gotta do for it, is swallow this!”



Barack: “Swallow what?”



“Just close your eyes, and put this Big Money Cock in your mouth, and make a few rules go away, change a few regulations, and accept our corporate Demands! Easy! And while you’re at it, how about a lower tax, or a bigger loophole for my rich buddies?”



Barack: [with corporate cock in his mouth] “Mmmpf, rumfff, otay, ahll fee what ahh can dooh!” [Gulp! Swallow, swallow!] “Man, that one was Salty! Nice cock though, and really nice big balls!”



Yep, ol Barack is running his game. Doing the corporate Bromistress, on the side.



Selling Democracy by the bushel.



One big bag of Money after another. Just like the GOP, while they both pretend to help the regular people.



It’s really sad.



Why is it sad?



Because first we defeated the British King that unfairly ruled us, then we defeated the Conservative Confederate Traitors of the American South with their System of Slavery, then we defeated the Nazi and Japanese Empires that threatened to take over the entire world and almost did, then we outlasted Communism for half a century during the Cold War.



For what?



So we could just SELL OUR DEMOCRACY, to the rich? To Giant Corporations, Bankers, and the Superrich? To an asshole rich fuckhead?



HOW STUPID ARE WE?



In the eightis and nineties the news media created hysteria over selling our assets, and companies to foreigners. That’s nothing. When  you start selling your DEMOCRACY to companies, who are people according to the conservative runaway activist Supreme court, then you are TROUBLE WITH A CAPITAL  T.



As for the Supreme Court, where in the hell in the Doctrine of Original Intent , does it say in the Constitution that Corporations ARE PEOPLE? WHERE?

How did they derive that? Money is Speech, therefore money and corporations are People?



Who’s To Blame?



I blame all those spoiled baby boomer voters, who wanted their lollipops NOW, and who grew up with no clue, of how a century of hard struggle for Progressive Liberal Reforms improved both our Nation, and our lives.



And what do the hard hat blue collar boomers do with that lack of historical knowledge? They ignored it, because they didn’t KNOW it, and they simply asked themselves the simplistic GOP Question, “Are you better off now, than before?” Picture Ronald Raygun asking them this.



Well, of course, as Globalizations hits, your standard of living drops! Duh! But that’s what the Free Market Free Trader Purists didn’t tell us when they opened our Markets to the world, and the rest of the world still kept their markets closed, or highly resistance to us.



We basically pulled our pants down, and got fucked in the name of “Pure Free Trade.” But it’s PURE! 99 percent Theory!



What the GOP didn’t tell you, is at the beginning of free trade and globalization, the advanced country gets fucked first, because their standard of living drops, and only way later in the game do things even out.



They also don’t tell you that the rich, the people at the top benefit most from free trade when it first starts. It can be decades later that benefits are spread more evenly.



So the vast unwashed blue collar bumpkins voted, Unwisely it turns out, for GOP Policies that started to tear down and got rid of everything that had originally protected the regular people from the harsh brutalities of unregulated Capitalism.



As globalization starts in the 1970s, they fall for the GOP Promise of “We will make your life Better, AND let you hate others!”



They believe Ronald “MacDonald” Reagan’s “morning sunshine pancakes again in America” line, that by getting rid of all the rules and reforms of the last century, we will somehow make the economy go Faster and Better, and make everybody’s life brighter and better.



Yep, Faster and Better for the rich alright, and Unsafe and Worse, for everybody else, the regular people.



It‘s so sad, because basically what the GOP has done, is figure out that you can fool enough Stupid Voters, by playing on economic anger, fears, hatreds, and by using a carefully crafted, scripted GOOD SHOW, with likable blue collar characters!



They’ve basically created a Political Hollywood Sitcom, with likable, blue collar actors, blue collar issue scripts, and let the people vote for the show and the story line they like best.



“Hey! Vote for Me! Aww, shucks! I’m just like YOU! Just a lot, lot Richer! Trust me! I really am JUST LIKE YOU!



“Shhh! Now bend over, and be quiet, becuz you‘re really not supposed to hear this next part! Cuz now I’m gonna rape ya, with my Big CORPORATE MONEY COCK, behind the scenes of course, so you can’t see it! Don’t worry, I’ll put it in nice and slow, and after awhile, you won‘t even know it‘s in there, you’ll be completely used to it, just like the Blue Collar Wussy Puss you’ve been turned into!”



“And I’m gonna talk to ya, while I’m fucking you, cuz I’m a corporation, and I have the right to talk to you as I Rape you, cuz the Conservative packed Supreme Court said so.”



“Enjoy! That’s a little expression I picked up from them Jew People! Ya know, them New York City Crazy Jew Bankers are pretty smart when it comes to Money and Banking!”



“The rest of the world is hurtin’, but them Jew Boys is doing alright!”



“We oughta take a page from their book, don’tcha think?”



“Didja know them Jew Boys invented the Atom Bomb? Yessiree! Blew Tokyo right off the map! Now, just between you and me, I hear them Jew Boys is working on doing the same thing for the Finance World!”



“Yep, I guess that’s what the Deepartmint of Our Beeyooteefull Home Land Security means, when they talk about the threat of a Dirty Bomb blowing up in the HEART of the City!”



“Them Jew Boys is mighty CLEVER!”



“Yessir! They is ensuring the PURITY, OF OUR PRECIOUS, FINANCIAL FLUIDS!”



“Right down to the Bedrock, to the very Twin Towers, of our Youman Beanness!”



“Now that’s what I call, a real Mitzvah, a real pancakes in mourning, for America!”



* * *



Doing the Shimmy Shake!



In 1929 it was the WASPs, the White Anglo Saxon Protestants, who burnt down Wall Street, and created the Great Depression. In 2008, it was the people who were on Wall Street, that burnt down Wall Street, and created the Great Recession.



Gotta give every ethnic group a chance!



Spread those stereotypes around, and give a them a little room to breath!



Fairness, that’s what I say.



I am definitely not Anti Semi Typical. I’m all for the Full Typical.



Yep, I think the Full Typical still works.



If the shoe fits, wear it.



Quacks like a duck, looks like a duck…



Course, now it’s way too late to duck, and you’ve already been fucked.



My, what a nice morning Mitzvah! It’s mourning in America again, where the city on the shining hill, has once more, fucked us all.



What I can’t figure out, is if them Jew Boys can figure out how the Atom Bomb and the whole Big Bang Universe works, why can’t they figure out how Finance works?



I mean, come on, what the fuck, this is not Atom Bomb Science!



It’s just dollars and Sense!



“Ahh, yess! But we forgot der EXPLOSIVE Molecular POWER of Greed! My Gott! Yes, MC Squared=E, or, Mass times Cash Squared equals Envy!”



“Wunderbar! Der Love of Money, is at der Root of the der Big Bang Fuck of der Universe!”



“Why didn’t I see DAT?”



“And der was no Rabbi in der Equation to prevent der Mass from going Critical, and Creating a Chain Reaction!”



“If der had been a Rabbi in der Equation, it might have been a Market Fizzle, instead of a Meltdown! Der Equation was missing a Rabbi!”



“Mit out a Rabbi, the whole nuclear pile of monetary shit overheated, and caused a Black Hole/Vagina Syndrome Collapse, sucking in everything around it, including der Whole Economy, and givink everyone an Economically Transmitted Disease!”



“My Gott! What HAVE WE DONE!?”



“We haff infected der whole Nation mit AIDS!”



“Acquired Insecurity Disease Syndrome!”



* * *



Back in Time

The Blue Collar people need to go back in time, a Century, to see how the rich used to really abuse the regular people, and get a taste of how hard life was back then.

And they should be informed of all the improvements that were made to make their current life better. Then they would realize they never had it better, and they have all participated in making their lives worse, by helping the GOP over the last thirty years get rid of all the rules it took a century to make!

* * *



So, guess who’s better than the GOP Washington pundits, and better than the New York City shrinks?



Don’t know?



Little old Bernardy! That’s who!



I’ll send you the bill in the morning.


Just file it under Psycho Political Analysis.

Like the people running the show are the freakin’ “Normal Ones!”

It’s the assholes who WORK on Wall Street, they’re the real freaks. The Wall

Street Bankers are the “dirty, hippie mob, with no Value System”, except the dollar.
Anybody who advances the Big Corporate Agenda to BUY OUR DEMOCRACY, they’re the Freaks, not the protesters on Wall Street.

It’s the people who want to buy our Democracy, thru lobbyists and campaign cash, that are the Real TRAITORS to America, and the real threat to our Freedom.

* * *

Resistance Is Futile! Most Forms of Conservative Thought Are Doomed to Fail. Why? You Can't Turn Back Time!

And Now, at the Conservative, Fox TV, Thought Machine! As It Broadcasts “Conservative Thoughts,” Night and Day. You Will Be Assimilated!

Negro TV anchor at Fox, Juan Williams, says, “I be nervous, flyin’ with Muslim darkies!”

“Them sand niggers give me the heebie jeebies! I iz scared of flyin’, with darky Muslim folk!”

Pot calls kettle black!

Juan de La Williams, half darky hisself, ’spresses his prejudiced ’pinion, on “those other” darky folk!

“It’s my opinion, and I iz sticking to it!”

Avid “Anal-ist” Williams, in a follow up statement, redefines the fake news style of the Fox Proctoganda Nutwerk, as “Niche Journalism”. Herman Goebbels, Hitler’s Propaganda Minister, would be proud! From the grave: “Son, you da man! High five! And Heil Hitler Too!”

Fooling the Little People.

“Here at Fox, our job is to sniff out untruth, from even the darkest cracks and assholes, and present it as ‘truth’ to angry, frightened, white working class fools, so they will unknowingly vote for policies, that will help Rich Conservatives, fuck the working class even more”, says Juan the Light One, star “Anal-Liar”, for the Pox Proctoganda Nutwerk, with his nose firmly planted up Rupert Muckdock’s rich, diarrheic butt.

“You see, we here at ‘Ye Olde, Clever Fox, News Shoppe and Venal Visual Victuals Emporium’, do our patriotic and psychotic best, to educate the dumb, easily fooled, white working class, into voting against their best interests! How? We trick them into doing it, by preying on their hatreds and fears, and we think that is a very admirable, patriotic, and liberty kind of thing to do!

“The ends justify the means, you see, even if it means we gotta kick you in the balls! Forget all that ‘good sportsmanship crap’! Our end is to make sure the rich, get even richer, at your Expense, without you knowing it of course, until its way, way too late, for you to do anything about it.”

“All’s fair in love and war! And my love for my country, and for my wealth, makes me more than willing to fuck you up your butt, and say Sayonara to your health!”

“In other words, the Rich have the right, and the means, to fuck the little people, without them knowing it, for a very, very long time, by controlling many of the different levers of Power and Influence!”

“I mean, that’s just part of the Founding Fathers doctoring of the Constitutional Bill of Special Rights for the Rich, from a strict constructionist point of view. You know, from a freedom, liberty standpoint. In an ‘unregulated Free Market’ kind of way.”

“From the point of view that a corporation is a person, who can speak, and has feelings, and feels hurt if they are not included in the political process, in a very big way, and I mean BIG! Like in YOOJ!”

The Holy Christian, American Patriot, Freedom Way!

“I mean, you do have a right to fool people, don’t ya, in order to get ahead? That is fair, isn’t it? Isn’t that the American Way, and the way of the world, really, to fuck or be fucked?”

“Like, shoot the Noble Savage American Indian, steal his land, fulfill our White Christian Manifest Destiny, and forget about all that Bullshit Sovereign Nation muckety muck? So what if they were here first! We had more Shit to kill them with! Face it, the Indians just weren’t sovereign enough, with flags, and brass bands, or advanced enough, to stop OUR plans for THEIR land.”

“They didn’t cooperate, when we asked them nicely, to get off their land, so we had no choice but to kill them. Since they were ‘in the way’, they had to be dealt with, and Eliminated, wiped out, Exterminated, and killed, in a Christianly Way. It was our First Holocaust. The Native American Indian Holocaust, BEFORE the Jewish Holocaust.”

“Wow! We, the Christians, committed the First Holocaust against the Native Americans, before the Nazis almost killed all the Jews in Europe! They don’t teach that in high school, do they?”

The National Stupididy Test, and “The White Man Speak With Forked Tongue, and Fuck Us with Hard Penis!”

“So what I’m trying to say is, you do have a right to see how stupid people are, don’t ya? To test their stupidness, and their stoopididity? And then take full economic advantage of it? Right? That’s Liberty talking, isn’t it?”

“I mean, come on, if you don’t have the right to fuck people, to take advantage of stupid people and their stupidness, to use your Power to take advantage of people, what’s the point of living, or what’s the point of AMERICA, and the free market, HUH? Come on, really now, get realistic!”

“Freedom, and capitalism, is the right to fuck others, and any regulation that limits that right, is anti-freedom. I have rights, Pal, and one of them, is the right to fuck you. And fuck you as far as I can! Until the head of my dick comes out of your mouth!”

“So back off Jack, and back off your snack, it’s mine now, cuz I saw it after you.”

The Real Nub Nugget. Rum Tum, Tug It. My Right to Fuck You.

I mean, come on, isn’t that really it? The nugget at the heart of the Capitalist System, the unholy nub point, at the Beasty Core of the Basic Business Transaction, that the more I can fool you, the more Profit I make? HUH, Quisco? Come on, admit it!

Forget all this bullshit about “we here at Freedom Corp are constantly striving to provide our customers with the Best Possible Service! We are Customer Driven to solve Life’s Problems, and not Focused on fucking you Better in the Process!”

Who writes that Business Crap? Whores for the Devil? Right, I forgot, public relations “people”, who couldn’t get an honest, real job. What do you do? Oh, I’m paid to lie for a living! Wow, you da man!

Face it. In business, if I fool you, the consumer, into Thinking you are getting a fair deal for a product, that means I can keep more of the Pie for myself! Right? And often times, spending money on fooling you, is STILL cheaper, than actually giving you a better deal from the start! Catching on yet?

In other words, in the Capitalist System, the Incentive is “BUILT IN” to the System, to cheat the customer! The more I can fool you, and the more I can come closest to really cheating you, the more money I Make!

Or, the less responsible I can be in making the product, or passing costs and risks onto you, the customer, or other citizens, the more Money I Keep!

It is just like the Incentives at the heart of the Wall Street Mortgage Game, which resulted in the Financial Meltdown of 2008. Those incentives were also “Built In” to the Game, and caused everybody to Cheat, AND everybody to look the other way!

Now are you catching on?

The only REAL Question is, how Close to Jail, as a CEO, or as a company, do you want to go? Many step right up to the line, dabble a few toes over, and many cross the line.

Yeah, like I’m makin’ this stuff up, ya Little Red Riding Hood! You, Mr. Potato Head, need to graduate to an oral thermometer, so you can at least see where you’re getting fucked.

What Good Was He?

And Poor old addled Alan Greenspan, head of the Federal Reserve, and the dumbest Jew in Finance (how did that happen?), thinks Markets REGULATE themselves! Ha!

The guy couldn’t see an Asset Bubble, if it DRIPPED from his BIG Honkin’ NOSE, and splatted in his lap!

At the HEIGHT of the Mortgage and Housing Asset Bubble, this guy, with ALL the info at his fingertips, all the computers, all the data, all the employees to help him paint a picture, where he could call anybody in the world for advice, with all these resources at his disposal, and he SEES NO BUBBLE, HEARS NO BUBBLE, SPEAKS NO BUBBLE! What is he? He is Totally BLIND! Get this guy a white cane, a tin cup, and some sunglasses!

Little old me went looking for a house in 2000, and even I COULD see THEN, things were Out of Control, so I didn’t, and couldn’t buy a house. Back to crappy Apartment World! Aah! The free market at its best!

All Greenspan saw at the HEIGHT of the bubble 6 to 8 years later, in an official statement, was a little “Froth” in the market, apparently dripping from his Huge NOSE, and BLOCKING OUT all the freakin Numbers, on the PAGES BEFORE HIS EYES! A seeing eye dog mighta at least Barked! But no, this guy is totally asleep at the wheel!

Just where the FUCK, did Alan Greenspan go to college? Dumb Jew U?

I can hear the Rabbi running the college, “We gotta get some dumb Jews out there, to balance out all the smart ones! Send out Greenspan. He’s ready! Send him where he can do the most Damage!”

Greenspan developed this semi-convoluted, academic bullshit, crypto Speak, and EVERYBODY STARTED thinking, this guy is the Smartest Jewish Financier to come down the highway! Man, were they ever WRONG!

The New York City Finance Crew really fucked up big time this last time around. Let’s hope they were all “ethnically diverse”, so we can spread the blame around a little, and not just Blame It ALL on just one group. That wouldn’t be fair, or kosher, would it? We wouldn’t want to be stereotypical, and blame Anything on the Jews, now would we?

That is the new rule isn’t it, can’t blame anything on Jews any more? I mean, Hitler blew that deal.

So, can we safely conclude then, that there were ABSOLUTELY NO Jews involved in the Financial Meltdown of 2008? At least not enough of them, to really condemn them for it?

There were probably slanty eyed Asians, some Mafia Italian boys, math geniuses from god knows where, and who knows who else, in that cesspool of a foreign melting pot of New York City, doing the fucked up Finance Thing.

So we really can’t blame the Financial Meltdown of 2008 on anybody!

Right?

Definitely NOT the Jews! They weren’t anywhere near it.

They’re off the hook, for that one.

It was somebody else, sucking the life out of the country.

* * *

The Real Free Market. Take Your Rosy Sunglasses OFF! See the Shit, and the Pony!

So you think you are an expert on the free market, because you listened to Rush Limbaugh, or Ron Paul, or had an easy econ survey course in college. Or you’re like Gorged Swill (George Will), and you wear a bow tie, and say the word “equilibrium”, and you think that means you understand economics. Wrong, Libertarian Conservative Boy!

Want a simple, real world Experiment, in how the market CAN’T regulate itself? I’ll show ya.

First, we’ll tear out the big fucking “Government Mandated” stop sign, or better yet, the STOP LIGHT, at your precious kids school Bus stop, that you are no longer “entitled to”, because that’s unfair “redistribution” of the rich peoples tax dollars to your poor ass neighborhood, AND we’ll remove the “unnecessary and burdensome” speed limit, and let the traffic, all those “responsibly deciding” drivers driving by, “regulate” themselves!

Say a last good bye to your kid! But hey, safety just wasn’t EFFICIENT for Important people who had to get somewhere in a hurry, and couldn’t be bothered with burdensome and unnecessary Regulations! And think of the electricity and tax dollars we save by not having a stop light! And no infrastructure to repair! And the loss of you kid reduces the carbon footprint on our fragile planet! Look on the bright side!

And with no burdensome rules against speeding, there are no frivolous and unnecessary lawsuits! You just helped reduce the debt, AND ACHIEVE TORT Reform! So sacrificing your kid’s life wasn’t in Vain! You, fine sir, are a FREEDOM PATRIOT Cadet! We’ll give you the Pat Buchanan/Newt Gingrich Bullshit America Award! Just add “Freedom Patriot” to every other sentence, and dumb blue collar folk will think you’re a fucking GENIUS!

Oh, and lets get something clear right from the beginning, for you died in the wool, free market freaks. Now I’m gonna have to really burst your bubble, and give you a real education. Are you ready, for your Eagle Scout Badge? Here it comes, Cubster!

Just What Does, the Free Market, Really Do?

Besides rationing out scarce resources, to the people who can afford to pay the price, just what does the free market do?

The free marketeers are always saying, “the Free market always produces the best result.”

WRONG, Bongo Head!

The Free Market DOESN’T always produce the “BEST” RESULT!

The free market is only guaranteed to produce “a” result, with the emphasis on the “a”.

Catch the subtle, but BIG DIFFERENCE, Slowhand?

Not yet? O-kay!

“A” result means a variety of different results, some good, some not so good. The “best” result suggests the best, but for whom? Is it really the “Best” for everyone, or for at least, for the most people?

The free market will definitely produce a “better” result than Communism. Or a dictator.

But it STILL can’t Guarantee the “BEST” Result, just “a” result, and maybe not for all.

Although it may produce a good result for some.

Why? Okay, pay attention now! Here’s the Real Truth.

The market will try to “work”, producing “a” result, that creates a momentary steady balance, called “equilibrium”, that will last for some unknown length of time, before it may begin to do a variety of things, like improve, get worse, stay where it is, go out of control, break down completely, suffer from a variety of ailments and limp along in a dysfunctional fashion, or get “stuck” in whatever condition it may be in.

The balanced state, or condition, called equilibrium, might be a Good Thing, or the balanced condition might be more of a “stuck” condition, which could be a Bad Thing. For example, a monopoly market (one company) or oligopoly market (3 companies), is great for a company, and lousy for you, the consumer. They are the only game in town, and have you over a barrel. It’s their way, or the highway.

For example, unless you have the bucks to buy an expensive Apple computer, you are stuck with botched up Microsoft software, on cheaper computers. And apart from super expensive boutique beers, you can have any regular beer you want, at Walmart, as long as it’s Budweiser, Miller, or Coors. And all at the same price, and same taste. How did that happen? Where did the Competition go, huh, free market boy? They were all bought up by the big guys! Which is another dirty little secret of Free markets -- markets trend toward Monopoly! Not good!

And the other dirty little secret of the “free” market? Companies will often avoid competition, like the plague!

Noooo! How could that be, little free market Busy Bee?

Markets are strange fuckers. They’re kinda like watching a hurricane off Florida. Will it increase in power? Will it change direction? Will it weaken? Will it cross the whole state, go out to sea, turn around, and recross the state, like one did 2 years ago? Now that was freaky. Bye-bye, out to sea, uh-oh, coming back!

There can be really Important Differences in a market, between a “Best” result, a “Good” result, a “Fair to middlin” result, a “Mediocre” result, or even a Cruel Result, or just a plain old, half ass, botched and bungled RESULT. (You can also substitute OUTCOME for the word result.)

So, to sum up today’s lesson, my little campers, there can be “uneven results, from bad to good, coming from the Free Market.” All the “free market” really guarantees you, is that you will definitely get “a” result. I guarantee you that, my friend! You will definitely get, “a result”. Whether it’s a good, or bad result, is another question.

And what is the best result? For ALL concerned? THAT is another story for another day. So crank these little nuggets into your Secret Black Box Equation Model of the entire Economy, Bean Counter boy, before you go spouting the “free market solves everything.”

“There is many a slip, betwixt cup and lip”, before the free market makes your magical world, just a hop, skip, and a day away.

How well you understand this, depends to a large degree on how smart you Really are, and how good the Economics Department REALLY was at Your university, or universities, and of courserus, how good the courses, the books, and the teachers were, AND how hard you studied.

Now, if you were George Bush II, with poor high school grades and low SAT scores, but admitted to Yale anyway, one of the top colleges in the nation, in a sweet “White Man’s Affirmative Action” entrance deal, because your father went to Yale back in the day, and you rose in the academic ranks to become president of a wild, partying, fraternity house on campus, and were known to be a big boozer, how hard do you think George Junior studied, preparing himself to run the country by understanding all these complicated issues? Hmm?

Toga party! Get your freak on! Break out the keg!

[Next day, at the vomitorium] Exam? What exam? I’m going back to bed! Wake me, when I’m President of the good ol USA.

Only in America. With white, rich man, “Socialist Affirmative Action.”

A Cadillac Welfare Gravy Train, for the Rich.

An Upper Class Limousine Welfare Queen.

And “Redistributing the Wealth”, upwards, using any unfair means.

Say’s George, “It’s not my fault the rich and connected, get to pay to change the rules. That’s freedom! It’s in the Constertooshun, and the Final Bill, Invoice, and Receipt of Rich Man’s RIGHTS!”


* * *

A Shout Out, to the “Easy Gig” Pundit Club.

Hey Brooks, at the NY Times, or the Washit Post, or wherever the fuck you are. Got your Econ Ears on, good Buddy? Breaker, breaker, bubble breaker! Mental Convoy, coming thru! Beep beep! It’s Roadrunner time!

Yes, you and Gorged Swill (George Will) the mild, “Friendly” conservatives, in shades of soft brown, and wearing happy, unalarming bow ties! We only want to make your world better, little Red Riding Hood! Here, read our book called “Conservative Wonderland!” You’ll like it! Everything is perfect there, if you’re rich!

This is your new assignment, Mister Brooks, IF you wish to take it, for discussion with your “Conservative” buds, while you’re watching the game, with beer and pizza, and charting the direction of the country, with your Simple as Pie “Conservative Econ Theories”.

Better yet, why not the whole gang of you guys go BACK to College, and fucking really MAJOR in Economics this time? OKAY? And Mr. Brooks, if you are NOT going to say much at PBS Newshour on Friday, why show up and waste every ones time, if your gonna lay low, and “conserve” your measly conservative gruel, for the newspaper?

Let loose with some really wild eyed conservative shit, so we know where you stand, instead of all this wishy washy stuff! Stand with your fellow Conservative nut jobs, or Quit!

Let some really, raving eyed, lunatic conservative get in there, and flail away with econ theory, so we can see how nutty they really are! You know, one of those conservative dudes with the beady eyes, and the grandpa, child molester, smooth demeanor, that makes insanity sound reasonable. Hey, fixing the world is as simple as making pie! Easy as 1,2,3! Get your Jiffy, Easy No Bake, Conservative Solutions, in a box, coming right up!

And as for your constant “small government” crap, when the fire department doesn’t show up when YOUR house is on fire, and the cops don’t show up when YOUR house is broken into, I’ll say, “Hey, we cut your taxes, so you could buy a giant SUV, and YOU MY FRIEND, are now benefiting from SMALL, NO SPEND GOVERNMENT! Enjoy!”

“Enjoy the freedom of small government, and Low Taxes! Doesn’t it feel intellectually satisfying? It all fits into your nice little small government THEORY, illuminated by the FLAMES of your burning House, and Wall Street BURNING DOWN, in a Beautiful, FUCKED UP, UNREGULATED, small government WAY! Got it, Bonehead? ”

Don’t ya just love the smell of unregulated freedom, burning us all up? Nothing like the smell of napalm, on Wall Street, in the morning!

Get your Apocalypse Now!

Back to Reality.

The free market, you see, is just like democracy. [Said with the greatest of patience, and condescension, for the SLOW who are reading this.]

Democracy ain’t perfect, but it’s the best we got, without going back to a King, an Emperor, a Dictator, a theocracy, or communism.

And just as Democracy is all botched and bungled up, warts and all, so to is the FUCKING FREE MARKET!

The free market is better than a “Command Economy”, like Communism, but it ain’t the Magical Best Solution, for everything. It is only guaranteed to produce “a” result. It rations out scarce resources, to those who can afford to pay the most. That’s it. Period. End of Story. Nothing More than that.

If guys want to go to Thailand, and fuck under-age little girls, that’s an unregulated free market, free of any burdensome restrictions. If bankers on Wall Street want to fuck mortgage holders, that’s also an unregulated free market, free of any burdensome restrictions.

Got it, Bunglehead, Jungle boy?

The market ain’t magic.

Now, class dismissed! Go back to your dorm, and whack your dick! Or rub your pussy. Remember, do little circles, then wider, then really fast and hard!

OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

* * *

Now Back to Juan Williams, and the Anal Pox Nutwork.

So, Williams, and Fox, say “be afraid of Muslims!” And “LOVE Rich Republican Conservatives!” Why? Because “Muslim darkies on airplanes, with suspicious Semen Packages, could Explode!”

Instead of “Rich Corporations will ship your job overseas, and make your salary Erode!

Fox say, “Is that penis-packed, ‘pipe’ bomb ‘Package’, from Yemen, ready to Blow?”

Instead of “Unregulated Banks will steal your house, and Home!”

Watch out for the “Yay-Men!” It’s an explosive ejaculation, from their angry,erect Pipe Bomb! Whoopee! It’s the “YMCA!” (that’s the “Yemen Muslim Crusade against America”, local chapter near you!)

Homeland Security? Really?

But what good is “Homeland Security”, and traditional marriage, if you don’t have a job, or a home, and unemployment is 20 percent, and all the jobs are gone?

And how about those missile-like Minarets, pointing at the sky, emanating from the angry, explosive, Containment Domed Mosques, in the United Arab Emirates? Are they about to become the new version of the Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM)? The “Improvised, Crusade Bombing, Muslim”, loaded with explosive chain reaction “Muslimanium?

Big Daddy Republican Man will protect you against the Muslims! How? By getting us into TWO WARS, which increases the Big Gubmint Spending, raises the Deficit and the Debt, which then raises YOUR taxes, which slows the economy, and destroys your JOB!

Then you won’t worry any more about Muslims, because you’ll be worrying about where your next meal is coming from!

How Did All This Happen?

YOU were Afraid of Muslims blowing up America, so you voted for Republicans, who deregulated everything, which BLEW UP THE FUCKING ECONOMY instead, destroyed your job, and threw you out of your fucking HOUSE and HOME! How STUPID was that, ya fucking working class GENIUS! Happy now?

And you did it to yourself, every time you voted Republican! Because they told you to worry about Muslims, and Gay Marriage, instead of rich Corporations, hijacking your Senators, and robbing you blind!

But oh no, you were fat, stupid and happy, with your fucking 10 credit cards, three fucking mortgages, your giant SUV or Monster Truck, your cheap gas, your wide screen, your fat wife, your fat kids, your pizza, beer, video games, and loans up your FAT, dumb, Blue Collar, White WAZZOOO!

Note from chemistry class -- just one of the classes in high school you were too stupid to take. The chemical element “Muslimanium”, uses the symbol “MuFu2.” Muslimanium is the swarthy, dark cousin of plutonium, and is very unstable, and easily detonated. It usually requires an “Imam Detonator”, to achieve critical mass, escape the Mosque Containment Dome, and boil out into the streets, where it will dance in radioactive fervor.

Historical Background (another class you didn’t pass): The Holy Muslim, “Lucky Outer Space Rock”, housed in Mecca, in a Giant Shiny multi-story BLACK CUBE, which is a lot like the Black Monolith in the movie “2001: A Space Odyssey”, and the USA Moon Rocks at the Big Rocket Building in Florida, is believed to be a very early lump of radioactive “Muslimanium”, brought back to Earth by Allah on his rocket ship, or his flying saucer (accounts differ), and given to Mohammed, in a lead lined, velveteen bag, so that it could be used to Wipe Israel off the face of the map, when mankind finally mastered nuclear technology.

Muslim scholars think it may also be the power source, or battery, for the first “E.T. Phone Home” GPS cell phone, used by Mohammed to call Allah, when he was writing the Koran, on the “Virgin Mobile Mohammed Plan”, with unlimited talk and texting, anywhere in the World Wide Universe, nite or day.

From then on, Middle East Mosques, with a decree from Mohammed, were designed to look like atomic power plants, with containment domes, and attached “minaret” missile towers, so that future Muslims would be ready to Nuke Israel, when the time is ripe.

The “Standardized Mosque Containment Dome, with Missile Towers Design”, Model Number ZX4-Pu239, aka “Zargon, the Sword of Allah”, was also given to Mohammed, by Allah.

Allah, God, and Yahweh, or “Whatever”, aka “The Unknown and Unnameable Universe Master”, is, as you know, the “Chief Nuclear Warhead Designer, of the Universe.” Period. No ifs, ands, or buts. This guy is GOOD.

You see, with “The Big Bang” already under his belt, Allah has pretty much been there, and done that, with the Nuclear Boom-Boom Stuff. And after the Big Bang, we hear that Allah, or God, or Whatever you wanna call him (The Holy Bomber? The Great Big Banger?) gets a big kick, out of calling himself, “Sparky”.

Allah, or God, or Whatever, ya see, he’s a funny guy. A little twisted, but funny. And I think he’s probably got a cruel streak. Like maybe he set cats on fire, when he was a kid. Any God who has this much power, you know, the “Creator of the Universe”, has to be a little corrupted, because you know what they say, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”.

So, you might wanna watch out for the Supreme Being having a little bit of a Cruel Streak. Cuz you never know, when you’re gonna just drop dead, as part of His Plan. Whatever that might be.

Hey, America!

Did “Aft Bangistan” do you in the butt, in a ten year, expensive, deficit powered, and very “Deer Rut?” WAR! Whut is it Good for? ABSOLUTELY NUTHIN! Good god yeah!

[The sixties, you had to be there. Afghanistan is spelled “V-I-E-T-N-A-M”. Alternative spelling, “We Never Learn.” Pentagon is spelled “Pent Up Dong”, or, “Stepping on our dicks! It’s what we do!”]

I Rocked, so I Ran, and now an IED has bashed in my brain pan? What’s MY NAME, SOLDIER! Here, let’s TRY Again! Grab the BALL! Good Boy! You’re makin’ Progress! One of these days, you’ll remember your name.

How about, “Oil me up, Old Sheiky Deeky, and let me whisper in your ear, So-Do-Me, So-Saudi-O Arabia! I love ya, till the gas tank runs dry!”

Juan, the light brown “News Rap” man, bites Mohammed, the light brown “Burnoose Wrapped” man, on his light brown Muslim ass!

American, Pox TV, Nigger Coon, on Rupert Morpox’s “The Tycoon Looney Tune Show”, calls “Winged Sand Niggers” from Arabia, “Scary!”

Who needs logic? We don’t need No Stinking LOGIC! Just FEAR!

Our Job is, FOOL THE BLUE COLLAR IDIOTS!

Senor Juan “Whitey” Williams, the Chocolate Oreo Cookie Man, disses Muslims, with their Baggy Fashion Choices, that hide drugs, weapons, and Vicious Terrorist Voices!

* * *

Racist?

Pox Network IS Racist! Why? Because it purposely “allows” Juan the Negro, to host the “O’Really Show!” What’s the show called? Is it that lovable “O’Reilly Cracker?” Or simply, the “O’Riler Fact Fucker!” Or just, “The Old O’Rapist Done Fucked Her!” Little does “EL Juando” know, he just one of the “token darkies”, there to confirm the white audience’s prejudiced views! How sad!

Typical POX viewer says, “See, even the Nigger Guest Host (or Nigger Sidekick, or Darky Chocolate Oreo Guest) agrees with me, so it must be okay to be a Bigoted, right wing White, full of Hate and Spite!”

“Wow! The Expert Nigger, or Black Anchor Bitch, agrees with my bigoted views! Damn! I like this show! Those agreeable POX TV niggers prove my Conservative Views are All Right! Stay tuned, fo mo!”

Them Pox Coons sho know how to keep their place! Day iz well trained, well paid circus monkeys, fo sho! Do black TV monkeys have a soul? How ‘bout a conscience?

Hey! Here’s a thought! “The POX, Right Wing, Monkey Show!” Dancin, and shuckin and jiving, and shakin our booty! “Yes suh, Massa, we agree completely with the White Massa’s views! Whatever you say, we say it too! We like a Parrot! A nigger chorus, in a Greek play! Don’t that beat all! Say it, say it, say it again!”

[Bring out Tamborine, and start clapping and singing] “Oh Massa, the Sun Gonna Shine, when we get some mo o dat, Right Wing Time! Go down Poxes, deliver me out of Egypt Land, I gots to get me some white or Jew boy, gold! Hey dare, Mr. Rupert Mumbledy Pox, throw me a dollah, and I say whatever you want me too! Yassuh! I iz a good Pox House Nigger, fo sho!”

Comprende? No? Okay, do you remember Ed McMahon, sitting on Johnnie’s Couch, on the Johnny Carson Show? Saying “YES!” to Johnny, all the time? Now you’re catching on, ya Big Dumb, SlowFoot, Bigot Boy!

Still confused? Okay, I’ll spell it out for you. Juan Williams, and the other Turncoat Darky Chicks, on POX “News”, are really traitors to their Abused and Downtrodden Race, and they “are the Exceptions, that Prove the POX Rule, that Whites are Good, and Darkies are BAD!”

It’s the BAD LAZY WELFARE DARKIES, that ruin America! “Hey Darky! Get Right with Jesus, and the Wealthy, and you won’t be a bad Nigger NO MO! Come on over to the rich, Conservative, White Side! We’ll butter you up, like Toast! We even got some big boned white gals that will marry you, if you decide you wanna be a Supreme Court Justice, with a pubic hair on your Coke!”

Still Confused? Okay, think Axis Sally, Tokyo Rose, Seoul City Sue, and Hanoi Hannah. Okay, you go Google them, and I’ll wait till you get up to speed! And while you’re at it, Google “Sonderkommando”, the Special Unit Jews in the Nazi Death Camps, that assisted the Nazis in running the camps. (Fingertap, fingertap…)

And this years Top Sonder Kommando Award, goes to, Juan “The Collaborator” Williams! Ta-Dah! May I present to you, the “Golden Microphone Award”, made from all the gold, extracted unfairly, from the Working Class People, by the corporate bean counters!

And now Juan, let me also present to you, the “Pox Multi-Million Dollar, Three Year Contract, Prostitution Microphone,” known as “The Rupert Dick Bone”, for you to chew on, as a reward for being a Good Southern Hound Dog! You go Juan, sniff out them Muslim darkies! Good doggie! Express your Good Ol’ Boy, Southern Feelings! Get your nose right up that Muslim boy’s ass! And sniff out any Explosive Gas, that might be important, to your Low I.Q. TV Viewers! You da Man!

* * *

DUI… DWB… Now FWM!

Once upon a time, the Darkies complained of being pulled over for “DWB”! That’s “Driving While Black”!

But then those SAME Darkies crashed into some A-rab Sand Niggers, who just happened to be “Flying While Muslim!” That’s “FWM”…

“Roger that, Skyway Patrol! Ten four, Rubber Ducky! We got us some Sand Niggers, Flying While Muslim! Pull them darkies over, and I’ll call for backup! They’re going to the Pokey, for sure!”

“Damn, these guys really look like they’re up to no good! They’re either black DWBs, or Arab FWMs, and that’s all I need to know!”

[Police car siren] Eeee-Oooh! Eeee-Oooh! Bee-Whoop! Bee-Whoop! Blip! Blip! Pull Over, Darkies!”

“TURN OFF YOUR Engine, and Get Out of the Car, with your Hands UP! Now, spread your legs, cause you’re gonna get fucked! Put YOUR HANDS ON THE HOOD! Now, GET DOWN ON THE GROUND, You Darky Nigger A-rab, and put your hands behind your back, Ya Freakin’ SAND OIL NIGGER!”

Darky A-Rab [on the ground, pointing East to Mecca, praying like crazy]: “I didn’t do Nuffin! I iz Innocent! As sure as my name is Mohammeeeed! I swear upon my grandmother, and the Lucky, Holy, OuterSpace Rock in Mecca! Allaaaah (ouch) Ackbaaaar! Please Officer, I don’t mean to show you the bottom of my shoe, but I am on the ground, like you tell me to do! By the way, does my butt look fat?”

Juan Williams: “Racial Profiling? That’s NOT Racial Profiling! That’s a Racial OPINION! That’s DIFFERENT! Racial Opinions, Bigotry and Prejudice are Just Good Ol’ CONSERVATIVE Forms of FREEDOM of Speech! Like ‘Nigger, Don’t You Come to My School, in Little Rock!’ Or, ‘Hey, Jew Boy, Get Out of Saudi Arabia! Death to Your Devil Dog Religion! I Show You the Bottom Of My Shoe, You Wrong Religion Jewster! Your Mother Wears Combat Boots, AND a Combat Burka!’”

* * *

History? What History? Who Needs REAL History? Just Make It the Fuck UP, the Right Wing Way!

Pox uses whatever “history” that will “Prove” the Conservative, Rich Man’s Agenda, and will help the rich, get RICHER, even Quicker! Like the MYTH that “Reagan’s VooDoo supply side Tax Cuts worked!” No they didn’t, Tom “Asshole” Brokaw! (spoken on election nite, 2010) Et Tu Brute? Over to the Corporate side, Tommy?

It was Fed Reserve Volker’s “Taming of the Out of Control Inflation”, current at the time, that fixed things, set the stage, and caused the 80s Economic Boom! Not tax cuts, ya Corporate Weed! Tax cuts for the Wealthy just CREATE Deficits, DEBT, and then Asset BUBBLES, that CRASH, Creating RECESSIONS! Got it, Dorkweed?

Follow your linkages, Econ Boy! Just because something happens in the same time frame, doesn’t mean it is the CAUSE OF something else! For example: Just becuz I woke up this morning, doesn’t mean “I Caused the Sun to come up!” Just because I prayed to Jesus for it NOT to rain today, doesn’t mean Jesus made it Not RAIN!

[Mental Note: Tom Brokaw no longer cool guy, now is total corporate
Asshole, and not to be trusted. He’s gone over to the Dark Side, a total Tool of the Corporate Empire. A Pox on his windblown, Weasel eye plastic surgery]

And if you object to Pox Conservative Right Wing History, you’re not being “Business Friendly!” OOOH! You are a Bad Mean Stinky Boo!

You don’t want to let the Businessman Rape the Consumer any more! You’re a Socialist Commie, cuz you’re for, horrors, CONSUMER RIGHTS! Special rights for consumers! Isn’t that Unconstitutional? Or some kind of “mandated, big gubmint, unnecessary entitlement handout?” It’s Buyer Beware, Pal! That’s Real American Values! Family Values, Too!

And get rid of them damn Big Gubmint mandated Socialist baby Car Seats! Let yer kid fly around the car with full libertarian freeedom, in an axydent, and smash his precious head in, like a squashed pumpkin! Poor wittle baby! Good luck with your next kid! You’re a real freedom patriot!

AND, if your not friendly to little old Mr. Business, you’re not being very nice, to “Mister Big Daddy Corporate Crook’ems!” PLUS, you’re “Destroying Investor Confidence”!

Boo-Hoo! Mr. Pin Stripes has lost his Erectile Investor Confidence! Waaah! We need some Venture Viagra! You’re making the “Poor Rich Corporations”, operate under conditions of terrible “UNCERTAINTY!”

Life is now, horrors, UNCERTAIN! I’m SHOCKED! JUST SHOCKED!

Who would ever think life is Uncertain! Fraught with RISK!

Waaah! I’m a Big Corporate BABY! I WANNA KNOW THE FUTURE, before it HAPPENS! I Can’t Run My Business, If I Don’t Know THE FUTURE, and Everything is Perfectly SAFE for my Big Baby BooBoo!

Back to the Past! At 88 Flux Capacitor Giga-Watts Per Hour!

Hey, Doc! We Gotta Go Back To the Past, to 1955! Biff McBeck has the Almanac of the Future, and is Using it to Get Rich!

Biff McBeck? Oh, No! Dang it, Marty McFly! But it’s just too Wisky, to Wisk all my Money, on any Silly Wabbit Ventures! How can I invent the Flux Capacitor, or the Mr. Coffee Energy Machine, if the Future is Unknown, and Uncertain? I need Total Certainty, before I can Invest! And without knowing the Future, I can’t invest!

Geez Doc, do you know what that means?

No, Marty, what?

The Delorean will never reach 88 miles per hour, and the Flux Capacitor will never flux!

And do you know what that means, Doc?

No, Marty, what?

We’re Fucked!

Oh Shit, Marty! We’re stuck in Conservative World! Now we’ll never get to the Future! Do you know what this means, Marty, do you ?

No, Doc, what?

We’re Doomed to live in the Past! And Nothing, I mean nothing, will EVER GET BETTER! The Conservatives have succeeded in REVERSING TIME, AGAIN!

My GOD, Marty, we are heading Directly TO THE PAST! At Warp Speed! And I mean WARPED! Everything is going to be all FLUXED UP!

What should we do, Doc?

I don’t know, Marty. Let me think!

I got it! First we have to get some new clothes, and blend in with the past! Something from say, 200 years ago! Like three corner hats, buckskin shirts, moccasins, and MUSKETS! And then get some Slaves! And Kill some Indians! And Burn a few people at the stake! And we need one of those things where they lock your head in a board, in the Town Square. And we’ll need some leaches!

Why leaches, Doc?

For Health Care, you fool! They suck out the Bad Vapors, from your Blood!

That way, the Government can’t mandate you to pay for your Health Care! You can have no health care at all! Now, that’s what FREEDOM is all about! The freedom to die, without a lick of responsibility, for your healthcare! Americans, aren’t they great? All for One, and None for All!

Ya see Marty, a House Divided, will eventually Fall! It’s Profit versus the People, all over again. It’s out of control Profit and Greed, with Corporate Power as the New King, tyrannizing the Little People, all over again. Same shit, different Century. And once again, it’s The War Between the Citizens, and the Corporate Stakes.

Holy Shit! It’s 1861, and 1929! The American Civil War, and the Great Depression! All Over Again! It’s Conservative Ground Hog Day, With Bill Murray!

The Conservative Confederate Cannons of Fort Sumter, South Carolina, have fired again! Jeff Davis, President of the Confederacy, is Alive and Well in the form of Congressman John Bane-er, Gov. Hell Barber, and Senator Bitch My-Cunt-ill. The War Between the Stakes, is on, once again!

The progressive, liberal, Northern forces, in Yankee Union Blue -- the Union Army -- must rise up again, as it did in 1861, during the American Civil War, and pick up the Sword of Freedom and Progress, sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic, and defeat the cruel, Conservative, backwards South, and the Resurgent Conservative Milieu!

The loosed, fateful lightning, of God’s terrible swift sword, the sword of Progress and Reform, will ALWAYS defeat the backwards, reactionary, negative forces, of Conservative Evil.

The Conservatives have Resisted ALL forms of Progress, every type of Progress, throughout the History of Mankind. Think about that!

The Conservatives are ALWAYS, say 98 percent of the time, on the WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY. History passes them by, Progress comes, and the Conservatives are the ones left sitting in the dust, resisting it, and saying NO to the FUTURE!

The Conservatives have to dragged, kicking and screaming, into the Future. They don’t want to go, they just want to stay in the Bad old PAST, in their Safe Comfort Zone, where everything is good for them. (Got your ears on, Brooksy?)

Conservatives aren’t just the party of No, they are the Party of “NO to the FUTURE,” and to “NO to PROGRESS.”

But Truth will always win in the end. The old conservative thinkers, with their bad ideas, will finally die off, and be replaced by the young people with tolerant, and enlightened ideas. It is inevitable.

Eventually, the new ideas, known simply as Progress, replace all the bad, old ideas. “Forward”, ends up beating, “backwards.”

Ultimately, the Conservatives, the rear guard, hard core “dead enders”, desperately trying to hang on to their Dear old Past, FAIL. Why? Because you can’t Turn Back Time. As simple as that. Even Cher ages. (Although, if you play her hit song BACKWARDS, hmm, you never know what might happen!)

Conservatives are like the Little Dutch Boy, with his finger in the hole in the dike (and I don’t mean dyke), trying to hold back the sea (or semen).

Conservatives claim they are fighting for the Future, but they are really fighting for the Past. They don’t want the Future to come, they don’t want Progress, or reform. They want to keep the future just like the past. They think the future is going to be worse than the past. They think the past is better than the future will be. (I know this gets confusing, especially for a Conservative.)

It may take a while for Progress to win, but in the end, all the Conservatives can really do to hold back the Future, to hold back Progress, is to fight a temporary, rear guard action. [Rear guard - a small force, positioned behind a retreating army, to defend the army’s rear, as it flees from the battlefield.]

Ultimately, the Conservatives are doomed. The Future, as it always has, belongs to the Liberal Progressives. You can’t turn back Time. Call Cher, ask her, she’ll tell ya.

When you make a Long List, and add up all the Improvements in Mankind’s History, the Conservatives have just about Resisted them all. ALL OF THEM.

No? Look it up, History dick.

Look it up.

And then realize that the Conservatives ARE on the wrong side of History, about 98 percent of the time. Their batting record is horrible, evil, and remarkably consistent.

Why? All you have to do is ask, “WHO are conservatives serving? And WHAT are the conservatives Conserving?”

And inevitably the answer is always, they are serving ONLY themselves, their Money, and their Wealth. They live to serve only the Rich.

They are the REAL users, the exploiters, the freeloaders, and parasites on society. Using Society’s benefits to get rich, but once rich, unwilling to give their Fair Share back, to the Society that birthed them. They are the very definition of Selfishness, in a primeval life giving sea, where no man is an Island, and we are all one.

We were supposed to be better than the animals, and instead, we’re just like them.

Dog eat dog, kill or be killed, and life is nasty, brutish, and short.

What’s God got to do with it?

What’s Love got to do with it?

Why even bother going to church?

Just get more than the next guy, any way you can.

Screw Jesus, fuck God, screw Allah, to hell with Yahweh!

Let’s just worship the dollar, and the guy who steals it first.

* * *

Okay, Here’s Your History, Fuckhead. Back To the Future of Juan Williams.

Once upon a time, in a land not far away, the black man say to the white man, “It wrong to be prejudiced!”

Today, the Muslim man say to the black man, “It also wrong to be prejudiced! We ALL brown in this together! We are the brown brothers! Dasheeky! Umoja! Black Power! White man suck!”

But Juan, de brown Williams, say, “Oh no, Homey! We ain’t in this together! Besides, I didn’t do Nuffin! I jus spressin’ my feelin’s, and my lil’ old Opinion! Ain’t no harm in that, is there? I iz Innocent!”

“Hey, NPR! And PBS, too! Wutch you be firing me fo, you Honky, Lefty Feminist, Jew, Dyke Bitch! Whut you be Castratin’ me fo, you angry, man hatin’, Lesbian Ball Buster! You iz a typical, High Falutin’, High Maintenance, Spoiled White, Menopausal Bitch!”

“Where’s my lawyer! My feelins iz Hurtified! I needs me a couple Million! I’m suing Somebody! I want MY Handout! I was nowhere NEAR the scene of the Crime!”

* * *

Turkey, Goose, or Dead Duck?

Hey Juan! What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander! Turnabout is fair play!

Shoe on the other foot now! Bottom rail on top this time! AND, the black TV goose just got good and gandered, by some anti-Muslim, foul fowl play!

Step right up! See the black and Blind Bigot, on the “POX News” TV Spigot! And see the two-faced, black bitch, anchor crew! All the News that ain’t Fit, to Be True, its right there, spewed out, by the Pox Crew! Oh, Lordy, the Trouble I ain’t be seein’, cuz I work on a TV Show, with a Rich Man’s View!

Walk a mile in my shoes, Honky, and be “Black Like Me, or a Muslim Darky, or an Oreo Cookie!” Dat’s black on the outside, and white in the middle! Dipped in the Pure Whiteness, of White Milk!

(Clue: “Black Like Me”, is a BOOK. I think it’s about the miracle of shoe polish. Anyway, Honky means “a white person.”)

* * *

Shaft! The Big Black Dick, Locks Up Honkies, On the Fox Box.

Flash! Juan “Shaft” Williams! Now Playing at a Theater Near You!

[Cue “Shaft, P.I.” movie theme song, by Isaac Hayes, and fade-in Voice-Over]

Voice-over: “Shaft, The New Multi-Million Dollar, Black Dick WHORE, for POX!”

[Humping piano, and bass line, violins, and flutes.]

VO: “Come On, You Nigger Bitch, Say What the Rich Corporate Dicks, WANT YOU TO SAY!”

(Chorus: “SHAFT!”)

VO: “Now BARK, Like the Good Little Nigger Dog you are!”

(Chorus: “HE DA MAN! THE MAN WITH THE PLAN! SHAFT!”)

VO: “Now Suck On the Big, FOXY POX, Microphone DICK, Mr. Public Relations Man!”

(Chorus: “SHAFT! THE MAN WITH THE BIG BLACK DICK, MICROPHONE JAM!”)

[Piano and bass riff continues: “Do-da-doo, Do-Da-Doo, Do-Da-Doo, Down! Do-da-doo, Do-Da-Doo, Do-Da-Doo, Down!”]

(Chorus: “Shaft!”)

Now, EL Juando, wag your doggie butt! And lick my balls! GOOD BOY! You a Mighty Fine Credit, to Your RACE, Senor Juan!

You da “Pox Jockey”, Plantation Lantern, LAWN BOY ORNAMENT, NIGGER MAN! You’ll go far in White Man World! You just as fucked up as all the rest!

What’s a Po’ little ol’ Black boy to do?

I don’t know!

Sell himself, on Ghetto Street, or Corporate Avenue, I suppose?

One is pretty much the same, as the other!

We Shall Overcome?

Williams slowly, and cleverly, goads the Hot Vixen, Jew Bitch at NPR, into firing him! Why? So he can jump ship, and refill his shrunken Retirement Account, with POX money, after the GOP Wall Street Financial Meltdown impoverished him! POX plays right into his greedy little hands!

What dat called, Honky? Playin’ both sides of da shtreet! Sound bite dat way to me, Kingfish! At least it done work out dat way!

I think you right, Amos, or Andy, or Buckwheat!

Oh, Lordy! Da troubles I seen!

Are you alright, Idella? Are you done shucking that bowl of peas yet?

Not yet, Hoke! I’m busy having me a Heart Attack! Now Shoo! Bury me after the soap opera is over!

Hoke, you go Drive Miss Daisy crazy! I hear them Jews pay mighty well! Well, some of ‘em do, but not all of ‘em, dat fo sure. My TV Contract ain’t the greatest, now that I come to think about it.

And don’t they just about “control” the entire TV Set, or the entire Communications Rectum Spectrum, just like that sixties Outer Limits TV show, that took over control of your horizontal, and your vertical, and I don’t mean standin’ up, or lyin’ down! I mean, is that why it’s called the “Jew Tube?” Or is that the “You Tube?” I get confused.

I’m still getting used to the Walkman, and 8 track, and that new group from England, the Beagles, or maybe it’s the Beetles. God, can’t they cut their hair shorter? And what’s with the no collars on the jackets?

Anyway, have you ever heard the Xpresshun, “He done Jewed me down?” Never? How about, “Uh-oh! There’s another Crazy Jew Banker in Town!” NO? Never heard dat one befo? How about 2 years ago, in 2008, round about the time Wall Street done blowed itself UP? Did you here it then? NO? Maybe dat’s becuz the “Jew Yawk Times” does such EXCELLENT REPORTING, or Avoiding reporting!

(New York Times Disclaimer: Jewish Bankers, I Repeat, Jewish Bankers DID NOT Burn down Wall Street in 2008! They had NOTHING, I REPEAT, NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! There wasn’t a Single Jew at fault! Not even a single Sonder Kommando, either!)

(Bernard’s Disclaimer: I am NOT an anti-Semitype! I am just criticizing the NEW ESTABLISHMENT, who happen to have replaced the OLD Wasp Establishment! Comprende? I am an EQUAL OPPORTUNITY Stereotype Criticizer!)

Besides, have you been living under a rock? Cuz them Banker Boys, of whatever stripe, are BAACK! Big Time! Doing the FULL STEREOTYPE, full frontal cock and all!

Have you ever heard the expression, “sucking the life out of the country?” Do ya think this GREAT RECESSION qualifies, huh? Do ya think the bankers sucked the life, right out of the country? Huh? With 20 percent unemployment? Is that high enough for ya, to QUALIFY?

You’re worried about a fucking Muslim bomb, another 9/11, disrupting the economy, and the fucking Bankers just did the job for ya! Who needs al Qaeda, when you got a New York City Banker?

Three thousand died on 9/11. Versus 17 million(?) out of work, or losing their homes, and wondering where their next meal is coming from? Thanks a bunch, asshole Banker Man! Talked with your Rabbi lately? This good deed mitzvah stuff is killing us!

Which is the real headline? “Muslim Bomb Disrupts Economy! Creates 20 Percent Unemployment!”

OR, “New York City Bankers Detonate Econ Bomb, Blow Hole in Economy, Achieving 20 Percent Unemployment!” Is that a Mitzvah, or what?

Four signs, spotted along road to New York City:

Circumcision,

Gets you extra precision,

When you need immoral,

Banking decisions! -Burma Shave!

Yee haa!

Bar Mitzvah shave!

Bank Loan, anyone?

Hold on just a dang second there, Cornpot! I think I’ll take me a Foreclosure instead! As long as you be offerin’ me a Choice, buried in the Fine Print!

That’s what I like bout Merca, Freedom of choice!

Free to be Screwed, by the Rich Man, of whatever religion!

Where the Truth is buried in the Fine Print, or nowhere to be found at all!

Hey! We just returning to the way the country used to be, before those dang liberals reformed everything, and made it harder for rich white folk, to fuck everybody!

Ain’t dat the way the Founding Fathers wanted it to be?

* * *

Word Substitution Game!

Substitute “Black”, for “Muslim”, in Juan Williams Words of Fear, and see what you get!

“When I see Blacks on an Airplane, wearing Black Style garb, expressing black fashion statements, and especially having Black Skin, either light brown, or that really charred, Super Toasted “purple black” skin, and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves, first and foremost, as Black Skinned People, I gotta tell ya, I get Worried. I get Nervous! It was black haired, brown skinned Sand Niggers, that killed us on 9/11!”

“And when I see Black People on an airplane, the first thing I think is they are probably lazy, shiftless, unwashed, untrustworthy, jobless, uneducated, can’t speak English correctly, can’t read, are probably on welfare or drugs using my Tax Dollah, can’t pull their pants up, or tie their shoes, have a weird Sexual Disease, and might rob me, rape my wife, hijack my car, sell dope to my kids, and where’s a freakin’ White Cop when I need one!” -- spoken by Juan Williams, cream-colored Black dude, and Negro Colored Watermelon Man, but not a prejudiced bigot, I swear! And a credit, to His Race, whatever impure racial mixture it might be.

Onward and upward, to dee Big Plantation House, where dee White Corporate Massa, all dee New Blue Collar and Independent White Niggers, and all dee Regular House Niggers live, along with a sprinkling of Rich Executive Overseer Jew Boys, who live there too!

* * *

Let the Interview Begin! Soft Pencils Only, Please! And Don’t Press Hard!

Pox Nutwork: “Mr. Williams, why is it you be Nervous ‘roun them Negroid featured, Sand Nigger Muslims?”

[Pause. Shuffling of papers. Swirling POX logo in backround. Hologram of Rupert Murdoch, with Pitchfork and Horns, spinning over a Flaming Devil’s Fire, as he pushes a Muslim up and down, up and down, in a big black Cannibal Pot, of Boiling Water. I think this is what they call Water Boarding.]

“Because Mr. Williams, as I’m sure you are well Aware, and to be perfectly Fair, a lot of Muslim Sand Niggers from the Middle East, look just like clean shaven TV Station Jew Boys, that Control the ‘Corporate Tamed Stream Media of America’. You know that, don’t you?”

[Another pause, for dramatic POX Effect. POX underlings, in the form of winged monkeybats, add wood to the fire under the Cannibal Pot, in the spinning Rupert Mumble Pot Hologram.

One of the POX interviewers, seated at the Anchor Desk, is ACTUALLY dressed as a Winged Monkeybat.

Blonde, and Black Chick, POX Interviewers, also at the table, wear Wicked Witch of the West Hats, black cocktail dresses, and have broomsticks stuck up their butt, causing them to have an eerie forced Expression of ease on their face, as if they have just discovered dog SHIT on their shoe, but are hiding it well, but have also realized at the same time that they have become a whore for a paycheck, and Rupert Mudpox’s shriveled dick is constantly stuck up their Vagina, in their Mouth, or coming on their dress, or out of their mouth, or just dripping from their lips.]

POX Nutwerk: “But what you didn’t realize, Mr. Juan Williams, is the Moose Limbs are just a Few Shades Darker then all of them Jew Boy Communication Executives, who just happen to control ALL the TV Sets, radios, cd players, I-pods, MP3 tuners, DVDs, Eye-phones, downloads, uploads, the World Wide Jewish Internet Web, AND regular mobile phones, AND Banks, and most of the doctors and lawyers in America, and maybe around the globe! Why is that, Juan? Is it because the Moose Limbs didn’t migrate North to Sweden and Germany and Poland, losing their swarthy, Middle East, Muslim and Jew Boy pigmentation, in the Darwinian Evolutionary Process?”

“And see, now them liberal Jew fellers are Incognito, blending in, in America, without their usual kinky Jew Boy Beards, and only being identifiable on High Holidays, when they wear those funny lookin’ little round beany copter hats, called beanolas, and have last names like Steinbaum-und-Bergowitz-O’Leary! Or Schmuckola-steen!”

“Or, you can spot ’em if they refuse to eat a patriotic American Ham and Cheese Sandwich! That’s how you smoke ‘em out. And bacon works too, if you just wave bacon in front of their face, that gives ‘em away!”

“They have Blended In, right here in New Jew Americaberg City, and are now assimilated into American Culture, and now they ‘ass stimulate’ every pure, right wing, Christian boy and girl, with Sexual Booty Gyrations on their crappy, downscale TV Fare, weak sister white boy rock, cheesy Rap Crap, and oral sex instructional videos. And now every pure white teen age Christian Girl is walking around with thoughts of a Penis in her mouth, instead of Jesus!”

Juan Williams, the TV Anchor Boy: “Well, to tell you the Truth, I’m ‘fraid them scary Airplane Ridin’ Muslims will raise my TAXES, to pay for extra Homeland Security, and then the Big Mandated Gubmint will take my whole Paycheck, Commie Style, and give it to them lazy ass Muslims, so they can live for FREE, and fly free, on Extra Muslim Miles, in America, off my Tax dollah!”

“And then dem darky Muslims will go buy a Cadillac Escalantay, with SHINY “Tyrone” Wheelcaps, that would mesmerize a malnourished Black Baby, who grows up to be a Muslim Welfare Queen, making all sorts of dark, kinky haired, Malcom X and Black Panther babies, and Destroyin’ the Purified White American Dream in the Process, let alone having Wild Darky Sex with their Giant Mandingo Cocks, and their HUGE Black Vagina Holes, all the while Dreamin’ of a pure blonde Barbie, Christian Miss America, Beauty Pageant Winner!”

“Man, sum of them darky chicks have Vaginas you could drive a Mack Truck thru! Do you know whut I’m Saying, huh, Boss? You Damn right I’m Skeered! This country is on the WRONG Track, and WE have to Restore America, to it’s Original Pure Whiteness! Jesus, I don’t want to be swallowed up by some Giant Black Vagina, like a cosmic black hole in outer space!”

“When I see a Muslim on an Airplane, I think right away, THAT SAND NIGGER is gonna rob me, hijack my car, rape my wife, take my job, sell my kids some Crack, blow the airplane to Kingdom Come, AND make me wear a headscarf, AND grow a beard that looks like the hair on my Dick! And dat a Fact, if my name ain’t Juan, “the Half-Breed Nigger” Williams, TV anchor Boy, for the POX NoNooz Nutwork!”

Pox Nutwerk: “I feel exactly the same way, as I’m sure ALL Our Viewers Do!”

Juan Williams, POX TV Anchor Boy: “Halleleujah! Praise God! Sweet Jesus! There are still SOME values left in the World!”

Juan [continues]: “And I truly Resent Gay People, if you can call ‘em that, trying to compare their pissant little movement to the Holy Nigger Rights Movement!”

“The Nerve of them buttfuckers, claiming Special Nigger Rights for themselves! Let’s face it, there are Special Rights for some people who deserve it, but Not ALL people deserve Special Civil Rights!”

“It’s God, and the white man, who decides who is considered a legitimate person or not, and niggers, fags, homos, Queers, pussy lickers, AND Muslims, Asians, and brown people in general, ain’t real, full citizens, or legitimate people!”

“Only White People, and Southern Rebel Confederates, and insecure, greedy, selfish, GOP Conservatives, are REAL People!”

“You know, the people who cling to a fucked up interpolation of god, and buy extra ammo, and bazookas, and get ready for the ‘Rapture Armageddon Apocalypse’ by lockin’ and loadin’ their guns, and lockin’ and loadin’ their tiny, low power minds, with rigid backward thinking, when the World gets to complicaturd for them to understand, and figureoutitate. You see whut I’m sayin’, Honky?”

Pox: “Amen! Praise Jesus! White America!”

* * *

The Super Fly, in the Ointment! Dee Ant, in Dee Cocoanut!

Juan Williams, TV BOY: “Now, I hope I done explainified myself, to all our Christian White Viewers, out there in TV Land!”

Pox: “I’m sure you did… But there is one other thing…”

Juan Williams: “What dat?”

Pox Nutwerk: “Just for the record… What kind of name is “Juan” anyway? Is it one of those Spic, wetback, landscaper type names?”

“And from a color perspective, would you say your color is either Mestizo, High Yellow, or Octaroon? Vomit yellow? Illegal alien brown? Undeserving, illegitimate, dirty gray beige?”

“How does it feel, “Juan”, to NOT BE a White, patriotic, freedom lovin’, Caucasian American, and ultimately undeserving of true Founding Father, Constitutional, White American Liberty, hmm?”

“And Juan, considering your hybrid, mongrel, mutt dog status, without a proper White Pedigree, would you Repeal the Nigger Rights Act, since Nigger Rights are really a Big Gubmint, Mandated, Special Entitlement, and a Socialist Handout, that really aren’t legitimate rights at all, and were incorrectly given to niggers by runaway activist judges, who didn’t strictly interpret the Constitution?”

“And would you consider “black people”, and I use that term loosely, as Sub Human, as really closer to the Animal Kingdom, and not Equal to The Average Superior White Person?”

“And one last question for you, Juan, Enrique, or Pedro, or whatever your real, illegal immigrant, foreign name, really is. How would you compare the Inferior Black -- who is much closer to a poorly trained, domesticated Barn Animal -- to inferior Asians, alcoholic Native American Indians, jungle apes, gorillas, baboons, chimpanzees, monkeys, or your average dog?”

“And just to put a fine point on it, how ridiculous is it, to think that Superior White People, could possibly be descended from apes, niggers, Muslims, frogs, fish and slimy bacteria?”

“Not everybody can be Chosen, Juan! Only one group, and that’s Superior White People, can be Chosen by God, for Immaculate Creation, and it doesn’t look to me, from your skin color, that you are part of that Chosen Group.”

“You see, God created only one Real religion! All those other religions are unChristian FAKES! The sooner we get God back in control of government, our schools, and everyone’s mind, the better off we’ll all be!”

“Remember, God’s in Control of EVERYTHING, and Niggers, Gays, Muslims, and dog eating Chinks, ARE NOT, I repeat, NOT part of HIS Plan! Understand, little colored nigger Boy? Who said YOU had the Right to be HUMAN? HUH? You got a lot of nerve, fella!”

“What an Uppity Nigger you are! Let me tell you something, Colored Boy, We White Conservative Christians get to decide Who Qualifies for Human, or not! And don’t you fergit it, sure as shootin’!”

“And remember Juan: God, the Republican Party, and Giant Corporations, create all the jobs, and YOUR job, is to Serve HIM, and the Corporate Bosses! You hear? No Questions asked! Understand? Now get to work, pimping for Rupert Mudpox!”

“Now… Oops! I’m sorry “Juan”, but we’re just plum out of Time! Our Pox Political Anal-Lists, Pundidiot Panels, and Blonde TV anchor Whores, will take over the Discussion from here!”

“And NOW, back to our POX Anchor Crew! Mister Bilge O’Reactionary, Mr. Gwen Bereft, Ms. Banned Cooter, Ms. MoneyKeyed LowCrawley, Mr. Brief Hump, Mr. Mush DimBulb, and Good Old Mr. Piss Walrus! Let us all hail Poopert Mudpump, and his giant Pimpchecks, given to washed up, out to pasture, and more than willing to prostitute themselves, “Pox Screen talent!”

“And remember Folks, we’re just your friendly, little old POX Network, where small minds meet, Bigots are FREE, and the Prostitute Chancres, oops, I mean ‘news anchors’, are in FULL VIEW!”

“The South Shall Rise AGAIN! Glory be to Jeff Davis, and Robert E. Lee! The Nutwork, and political party, where hate is profitable, and the Supreme Court ‘Corporate Person’, is the New Tyrant KING!”

“The Road to Serfdom (another nutty right wing Economic theory, by Salma Hayek? Freddie Hydrox? Thor Heyerdahl? Kon Tiki? Cunt Leaky?) will prove itself “true”, and will successfully occur, upon the Common People of America, when the Rich, and the CORPORATIONS, are completely unfettered, and become the Absolute Kings, of the Economic Heap!”

“The People WILL be Serfs, and the Corporations, the KINGS! All Bow down, before the New King! Ann Rand, Libertarian freakazoid, will ram us all up the butt, and we’ll all be serfucked! The Citizens WILL then be total slaves, to Unfettered Corporate Political Power! Hey, we’re almost there now!”

“Deutschland Uber Alles! Germany Over All! Corporate Power Over All! Der Master Corporate Race! Heil Shitler! The Final Financial Solution! Corporate DoucheLand, Over the Entire Human Race!”

“Y’all come back now, you hear, for more o dat warm, southern, Corporate Plantation Hospitality! Just turn right, at Right Wing Libertarian Road, for the entrance to the new Corporate Controlled, Citizen Serfdom, No Democracy, Theme Park!”

“You can’t miss the Forked Tongue, in the road to Corporate Serfdom, becuz it be marked with the Sign of the DEVIL, Route 666, also known by it’s local names, as GOP Street, Conservative Way, or Libertarian Utopian Lane! Y’all wear your seatbelt, the ride is gonna get bumpy! We almost there now, and you are all gonna make good House Niggers, on the Corporate Plantation, ain’t cha, White Boy!”

“And you all keep watchin’ POX, Dumb White Boy, cuz we gonna help turn you into a House Nigger, as fast as we can! Now Giddy yup, Polytishus! The Corporate Massa will whip us, if we late to serve him supper, or if we get too Uppity!”

“Crack dat Whip, Rastus, crack it hard! Make the people suffer, and the rich go FREE!”

“And don’t put any rules on the rich, cuz it might get in the way of them doing whatever they want, and getting unfairly, and dishonestly richer, at our considerable, and Immense Expense!”

* * *

In the Deep, of the Blight. I Got Troubles, On My Mind.

Bubba Speaks, aka Captain Skinner, from the TV show “In the Heat of the Night:” “Now, did this here Williams Boy, pull what they call a ‘Sanchez’, down in the Bottoms the other night, huh Chief?”

Chief Gillespie: “Well, I don’t know, Bubba. What do you think?”

Bubba: “I think he did. But he probably won’t lose his POX Nutwerk job, and may even be promoted, becuz apparently, at least at the Pox Nutwork, it’s okay to insult the Moose Limb Community, and okay to insult Niggers, like that Niggerbama fella, but it is apparently still NOT okay to insult clean shaven Jew Boy Executives, that Just So Happen to coincidentally reside (wink-wink), or shall we say ‘coalesce’, in the Communications and Entertainment Industry, and what the hell, you might as well throw in the Finance and Banking Industries, as well.”

Chief: “That’s very interesting, Bubba. Now why on earth do you say that?

Bubba: “Well, Chief, I got this Theory, and it goes like this…”

Chief: “Well, what is it, Bubba? Let’s hear it! We ain’t got all day! We got Po-Lease work to do!”

Bubba: “Well, these very same ‘Especially Selected’ Jew Boy executives, what you might call The Chosen Communication Ones, are evidently creatin’ a New Critical Mass of people with similar ethknitnic religisary backgrounds, and in effect, creatin’ a NEW ‘Good Ol’ Boy Nutwork”.

“Now, this here new New Boy Network, is as powerful as the old Old Boy Network! And it creates whut SighCalloGists call an ‘Anthropomorphic New Established Insider Group, with High Levels of Group Social Status’, that is apparently getting real good at Circling the wagons tight, and playin’ the Anti-Semitype Don’t Touch Me Card, just like the Old Boy Network played the WASP Card, and the Black Man played that bullshit ‘I am a Man’ placard.”

“Chief, let me ask you somethin’. Is the New Principle here, it’s Okay to Rustle Some Feathers, but it’s Not Okay to Rustle the Feathers of Powerful Birds that Flock Together? Can you explain that one to me, huh, Chief?”

“Cuz the thing is, ya see, I really ain’t no Anti-SemiTight, no matter how many Birds of a Feather, choose to Flock together, and then end up creating, without even realizing it, a New Old Boy Establishment, which Replaces the old Old Boy Establishment!”

“I mean, the magical power of hiring people just like you, creates a kind of Group Nepotism, and then the next thing you know, the old outsider is the new insider, and the old insider is the new outsider. And then the New Insiders start fucking Up, as bad as the Old Insiders. You know whut I’m saying, Chief?”

“But that Couldn’t be Possible, could it? What are the odds that the New Boy Establishment is just as Botched and Bungled Up, as the old Old Boy Establishment was? It just don’t figure, or does it?”

“Could what you might call the ‘New Jews’, in positions of Power, be just as fucked up as the Old WASPs in power? Do ya see whut I’m saying, Chief?” (For you youngsters, and the historically challenged, it’s… “White Anglo Saxon Protestants.”)

Sheriff Gillespie: “Well, I think you got a point there, Bubba. And I don’t know the answer to that, but we sure gonna find out, as things proceed! It could be that power corrupts everybody, no matter who it is, once they get IN Power.”

“You know, the power of power, is mighty strange. History shows us that People can definitely abuse power, that’s for sure.”

“And the Jews know all about being abused by power! The Question is, do they know about being in power, and abusing it themselves! Now that’s a whole nuther question, Bubba, entirely.”

“You know, Bubba, for your information, Sheriff Rod Steiger did say something to Detective Tibbs (Sidney Poitier) in the original Heat of the Night movie, in a very heated moment.”

Bubba: “What he say Chief?”

Chief: “He said, ‘Man, you just like the rest of us!’”

“I think Norman Jewison directed that film, if I recall correctly.”

Bubba: “I think you got a point there, Chief! I think you do. And the New Jews probably ain’t gonna like it, either. Those poor people! They always seem to be getting it, coming and going, in or out of Egypt.”

Chief: “I think you’re right, Bubba. But then, I’d say they need to get used to this new set of circumstances, being in power that is, and havin’ to Resist Temptation like everybody else, and even botching and bungling things up. Nobody, no matter how smart, is immune to making mistakes, now and then.”

“I’d say, maybe they need to talk with their Rabbi. A whole lot. And then see what message might come down from the mountain again, written in stone. That first stone has probably worn all away, from acid rain, just like the Parthenon. I don’t think they ever kept the original, in a Museum anywhere.”

Bubba: “I hear ya, Chief, I here ya. Damn, we just got done dealing with the Uppity Nigger, and now we got the Uppity New Jew! Not to mention Uppity Gays, Bra burning unsubmissive Females, and Uppity Muslims! It’s enough to make a white WASP roll over in his grave! When is it ever gonna end!”

Chief: “I don’t know, Bubba. It’s just the same old, same old. Just a different Century. You’d think the Lord would get tired of hearing the same old story, year after year. If we’re made in the Lords Image, then the Lord is one mighty fucked up cat.”

Bubba: “Damn, Chief, I never thought of that!”

Chief: “Well, that’s why they pay me, to do the thinkin’ ‘round here! You hear me, Boy?

Bubba: “I here ya, Chief, coming thru loud, and just a little bit unclear! But I hear ya! Yes Sir!”

Signed,
Faint Bernard
The Fairest Faint, of them all.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who is the fairest faint of them all?
Bernard is!

© Copyright 2010 by Bernard Drums! All Rights reserved, as they should be, but exercised often. Whut?

* * *

Sucking Dick At POX, and Doing Time, With the Devil

Sucking Dick at POX.
The Talking Heads, Giving Head,
Down On Their Knees, At POX.

Where the Pay Is Good,
Knee Pads are Supplied,
and the Sucking Goes On,
All Day, and Nite,
To the Tune Of the Man,
Who is Paying!

And who is that?
Lord Rupert of Marpox,
Rupert the Rapist,
And his filthy Corporate Dime.

Next Stop for Rupert?
Doing Time,
With ghosts, and goblins,
In a Witches Brew of slime,
At the Devil’s Home,
in HELL!

-by Faint Bernard

“Hi, Rupert! How’s Your Dr. Faust Business Model? How much more time do you have left, on your Contract, with the Devil? That old clock on the wall is ticking! Oh, Poopert, four words of advice: Sun Block Ultra, and, Nomex.”

[Nomex: Fireproof racing suit.]

“Ya know, Old RUE, I’m afraid that fucked up ticker of yours just won’t Qualify for a Heart Transplant! Have you looked into Developing a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS? Or is it just too late for that, hmm?”

“Oh, by the way, when you’re down there in Hell, look up Hitler, I think you two will really hit it off. You two have pretty much the same point of view, as far as using people, for Personal Gain.”

“You both have that Bunker Mentality, if you know what I mean. Kinda like, the two of you, together, Against the World, and the Wind. But where he couldn’t invade enough countries to be satisfied, you can’t invade enough Markets, or get enough Money, to make you satisfied. Ya see what I’m saying, Old Sport?”

* * *

Pox Microphone Bone, Model DT-PS-6, the “Deep Throat, Prostitutes Special, 6 Incher with Chrome Head.”

[At the Pox Special Effects, TV “Nooz” Studio.]

Phwunk! Scerrunch! Bonk! Is this on?

Gethunkata, gehthunkata, ka-Splunk! [Mic rolls off anchor desk, onto floor]

Screeeeee… [Feedback]

Bizzzzzzttt…

Control Room: What’s the holdup down there?

Pox Anchor: Hold on a second, will ya? I was trying to get my lips around this Mic Dick, and put the whole story, in my MOUTH, and then ejaculate it ALL back out, at the same time, for the Money Cum Shot, and the damn mic slipped out of my mouth, onto the floor! Sorry!

Control Room: Come on, People! You’ve done this a thousand times!

Pox Anchor: Makeup! Is there any semen, dripping from my Chin?

Makeup Girl: Don’t worry, here’s a Kleenex! They can probably edit that out in post. Next time, slip a condom on the mic!

Control Room: Quiet on the set! 2 minutes to Air Time. Get ready to Ejaculate! Loosen up those lips people! Ladies, check your Vibrators! We don’t want your Vibe Mic vibrating off the desktop, like last week!

Pox Anchor: Are my lips chapped?

Makeup Girl: No, their fine. Oh, your mother called!

Anchor: What did she say?

Makeup: She’s very proud of you. She say’s you’re saving America from Evil.

Anchor: Really?

Makeup: Yeah, but the doctor said her Dementia comes and goes.

Anchor: Oh.

Control Room: Okay, people, you’re ON! ACTION! Cue theme Music!

POX Anchor: “Hello America, ya stupid, Blue Collar, Low I.Q. Idiots! We high priced, corporate Salemen, are gonna sell you the WRONG STORY, and make you think its TRUE! From us Entertaining Whores, we’re gonna give you, a case of the POX! Chancre Up, Big Time, Good Buddy, the Pox is on Us!”

* * *

The Demon-ator! The Devil Isn’t Going to Appear with Horns! He’ll Appear, With a Smile, On POX!

Uh-hmm. Is this big black Dick microphone ON?

www.CultureDrums.BlogSpot.com

Hi, y’all! Bernardy’s BACK!

I SEE DEMONS IN THE NIGHT! And they look like Rupert Murdoch! And George Will (aka Gorged Swill), and that Krauthammer dude. Is he a Nazi, a Jew, or just a good German Stew, he can’t decide! He’s Sonder Kommando Man, aiding the Conservative Corporate Takeover of America! With Black Shoe Polish in his hair!

* * *

The New American Pledge of Allegiance!

“I pledge Allegiance, to the Flag, of the United Subsidiaries of Corporate America. One Corporate Entity, under Cash, and Invisible to All. Amen.”

* * *

Sonder Kommando Time!

No wonder the Nazis collected all the shoes, they had such Spitz und Polish, und they Kontrolled all der Paths to der Truth! So Efficient, in their Quest for the Final Solution to Maximum Purity and Maximum Efficiency!

And Aided by “Appropriate-ganda”, or German “Proper-Ganda” Surface News! Their Motto, and now Ours? “We Don’t Dig Too Deep, You Never Know, What You Might Find!”

And the Motto for Today’s Corporate Owned “News”? It’s, “Hogan! Colonel Clink! I see Nothing, oooh, Nuthing!” - Sgt. Schultz, from Hogan’s Heroes.

And Mort Zuckerman, oi vey, can this guy straddle the fence, or what? Ja! Ist das Herman GuhFencinStraddleberg, der Uber Fencer Kommandant! It’s Sonder Man, not Zuckerman.

“Mommy, what’s a Sonder Commando? What do Sonder Kommandos have to do with Today?”

“What does it mean, if you are a Sonder Kommando, in today’s Corporate World, huh, Mommy?”

* * *

Y’all come Back in Time, where the “thinking” is stupid and Easy, and the violence comes fast and quick!

Grab your PITCHFORK, WE GOT SOME FORKIN’ TO DO! Yee ha!

* * *

This piece was first draft written on October 20, 2010, around 1 a.m., a few minutes after reading and being inspired by a Huffington Post news article, dated Oct.19th. I can now read Huff ‘n Puff ‘n Stuff on my new cell phone for 40 dollars a month! The phone gives me unlimited talk, unlimited texting, and Web text and pictures, but no video or sound, on the Web unless I pay extra (Boo-hoo) , and no contract!

A shout out to Lady Fluffy Huffy von Puffington, she HOT! She my Secret Dreamy! Oh Huffy, you my wittle Wuffy Puffster! Bernardy wikes you!

When I read Huff n Puff, and hold you in my wittle cell phone hand, you’re my Steamy Dreamy!

And I’m your wittle Puffster!

I’ll Huff! And I’ll Puff! Till I blow down, and in, your Fluffy high class Muff!

I think I can, I think I can!

Chugguh-chuggah, Choo-Choo, CAN!

Ah-oo-gah! Dive, dive! I’m a Huffy Puffster Muff Diver!

Up Periscope!

Fire the Torpedo!

* * *

Damn, 3 a.m. I’m gonna lie down on that nice smooth concrete apartment floor! Make them DEMONS GO AWAY! Till we meet again! Oh, Baby, dat concrete feels good… hard as a ROCK.

I think I can, I think I can…

Here come little choo-choo Charlie…

Huff n Puff, huff n puff! Woo, Woooo!

Clang! Ring that rusty old BELLE!

* * *